S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP wrote in an aggressive way but I just had this experience with an ‘introvert.’ I asked her question after question in an attempt to make an engaging conversation and she never reciprocate or carried the conversation anywhere. It was exhausting and boring and I don’t enjoy hanging out with her. I don’t know if she’s a snob or a bitch or just dull as a white wall but unfortunately she’s the girlfriend of my husband’s coworker, so forced socializing it is...

I can't stand people like you. If you get bored after asking few questions, I don't care about you. If you ask me stupid meaningless questions, don't expect me to engage with you in a conversation. I see your stupidity through and I am not going to spend my time or energy to answer your stupid questions. I could see how hard you are trying to be a social butterfly and how unnatural you are at it. It is very entertaining to watch you. You also very insecure if you see me as a snob, or a bitch, or whatever that doesnt' fit into your cookie cutter girlfriend's image.

Yup. Most likely the introvert saw through OP and didn't want to expend energy engaging with her (and rightly so from OP's nasty posts).

I can't believe that people are fine with, and even defending, the bolded. Really, I am truly shocked. "If you ask me stupid meaningless questions, don't expect me to engage with you in a conversation." "I'm not going to spend my time or energy to answer your stupid questions". Someone is trying to get to know you by asking you questions. How do you expect a successful conversation to occur if you come to it with that mindset. What are you bringing to the table except a bad attitude? -OP

OP, the more you keep replying, the more unhinged you sound. Your friend's friend was very wise to have steered clear of you.

[Anonymous]

Omg. PLEASE don’t invite me to dinner again if we’ve already tried - and failed - to chat. I’d rather stay home than endure mindless chit chat with people I don’t like.

[Anonymous]

"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

This!! Ok so you are an introvert. You can make polite conversation for an hour or two. If you can’t, don’t come out. If you have social anxiety, that’s a different thing. Get yourself treated. But my god don’t be rude by just saying nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

+1


They are stunted, arms crossed, thinking they are perfecting some kind of "glare", when it is really known as crazy eyes - not introverted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

Correct, which is why I put "introvert" in quotes in my title, and also qualified it in the first sentence of the post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like movies I haven't seen, then I will have nothing to say. Extroverts can be talking a lot but saying little (lots of hot air like "Oh WOW!" ..."That's wonderful".... "It REALLY is."...). I don't want to parrot back what someone else just said but with more syrupy adjectives, extra adverbs, and intonation in my voice. It just seems phony to me and I can't physically muster the energy to talk like that.

Talking is like public speaking. You are supposed to know your audience. Does OP even know much about this person or what she is interested in?

The s is the OP and I really, truly appreciate this post because of the perspective.
—if someone is talking about something I have no interest in, like a movie I have not seen, I do my best to find something sincerely interesting or relatable about it. I think it’s downright rude to tune it out.
—I’ll definitely give some intonation and adjectives, for example if a friend is complaining about something at work. Maybe it’s not fascinating to me, but I’ll try to be enthusiastic and relate. Is it tiring? Sure, but that person wants validation for her story, and I think part of “carrying the conversation burden” is to listen and give some support.
—I don’t think conversayion is like public speaking. You are not my “audience”. I am not here to entertain you and throw out topics or questions in the hope that you will feel sufficiently energized to engage. Conversation is a two way street.

I think the problem is you were in a group. If I were one on one with someone, then I would definitely try to comment even if I was not interested in the topic. I'd validate them, ask questions, show interest, etc. In a group do you really need a 4th, 5th, or 6th person saying "That's really pretty" when person 1, 2, and 3 already said that? By then the person gets that their necklace is really pretty and it just sounds like I'm a copycat if I say the same thing. I don't have anything to add if it has been said before. My silence means I am in agreement. I reflect before I speak, and I decide first whether what I could say I should say or not. Other people have no mental filter and just say whatever pops into their head. I have a hard time trusting people because I've been judged frequently for being quiet, so I am more selective about what I say to avoid being judged more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

This!! Ok so you are an introvert. You can make polite conversation for an hour or two. If you can’t, don’t come out. If you have social anxiety, that’s a different thing. Get yourself treated. But my god don’t be rude by just saying nothing.

Why is it rude to say nothing? People are afraid of silence?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

This!! Ok so you are an introvert. You can make polite conversation for an hour or two. If you can’t, don’t come out. If you have social anxiety, that’s a different thing. Get yourself treated. But my god don’t be rude by just saying nothing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

This!! Ok so you are an introvert. You can make polite conversation for an hour or two. If you can’t, don’t come out. If you have social anxiety, that’s a different thing. Get yourself treated. But my god don’t be rude by just saying nothing.

Why is it rude to say nothing? People are afraid of silence?

They are if they are an insecure twit.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"Introvert" continues to be commandeered as a reason for rude social behavior and I can't believe in this new context it continues to be taken seriously. People not holding conversations, on their phone, unengaged...that's using a part of yourself to justify being rude af. And people who need some time alone to recharge (actual introverts) are not rude people out in the world. The folks who justify needing down time as the reason they won't engage socially when they are in social situations are a nightmare.

This!! Ok so you are an introvert. You can make polite conversation for an hour or two. If you can’t, don’t come out. If you have social anxiety, that’s a different thing. Get yourself treated. But my god don’t be rude by just saying nothing.

Why is it rude to say nothing? People are afraid of silence?

Because you're having a conversation with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Omg. PLEASE don’t invite me to dinner again if we’ve already tried - and failed - to chat. I’d rather stay home than endure mindless chit chat with people I don’t like.

Signed, Proud to be Backwoods

[Anonymous]

Introvert here and I have no trouble making conversation, especially in small group settings with friends. Either your friend had other things on their mind, or didn't find you interesting.

And asking a bunch of yes or no questions may not easily translate into a conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

[Anonymous]

I’m an introvert with social anxiety. I have to hype myself up to go out to dinner, but am excited to get the invite. I honestly feel so awkward trying to interact with a lot of the conversations I hear (most of which are gossip which I’m not clued in to because of my social anxiety). I’m actually a very sarcastic, humorous person with close friends, but find group settings to put me on edge. I’m always worried I come off as boring, but also find it hard to find the confidence to lead a conversation. The more I’m invited and interact, the better I am at conversation. Keep inviting and know there may be more going on than an introverted personality.