S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

This. I'm introverted in that big gatherings exhaust me, but I love conversation with one or a few close friends. But the big personalities who just talk, talk, talk I find draining. Why would I try to insert myself in whatever they're saying? They don't listen to me anyway.

You said there were three others, OP, and I have totally been in that situation where the three others just talk and interrupt, etc., as PP noted. So, yeah, I probably wouldn't say much in that case because there seems little point.

+2

And those personality types tend not to ask questions. They just talk about themselves and make statements.

Agree. I have little interest in participating in inane or boring conversations. If I am staring at you with a polite little smile, I'm not being "entertained" by you. In my head I'm screaming. If it's a party I can move on, but at a table I'm trapped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert and I'll talk your ear off if I like you and find you interesting.

Same. I'm an introvert and can have everyone at the table cracking up and hanging on my every word. Really. Most comedians are introverts, honestly. Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean one is shy or dull, OP. And just because one is extroverted doesn't mean they are a great conversationalist. It's important to understand these nuances.

I agree that is why I put it in quotes and qualified it up front. I agree with the above that introvert is an excuse. It’s not ok to just sit there. There’s a natural rhythm in conversation. The dinner wallflowers ruin that rhythm.

Okay, so don't invite her, and don't accept her invitaitons. Problem solved.

Why is this a thread?

[Anonymous]

Why does it bother you so much?!?! Seriously. I don't understand how one persons quiet in a group would trigger anyone.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she couldn't get a word in edgewise and decided not to bother

[Anonymous]

Just don't invite her again. Some people are quiet and not chatty. That doesn't bother me. It bothers you, so don't invite her and then criticize her. I don't think quiet people are "boring," I think they are quiet. If they want to come and just observe, big deal. Aren't you having fun with your other friends? I have a friend who is very chatty with me. In larger groups she's very quiet. I invite her and I understand that she's not going to talk much and she doesn't expect me to make extra effort to get her engaged. We both leave happy. We both get to be in a social setting and engage in our own why. Why does it bother you if some is quiet if you have two or three other people to engage with?

[Anonymous]

When introverts are with friends they open up. Is she an acquaintance or a friend?

[Anonymous]

Was the conversation at all political? Maybe she didn't agree with what was being said but didn't want to reveal that. I find it best just to remain silent sometimes these days.

[Anonymous]

With more than 2-3 people I usually don’t chime in much unless they are friends I like and/or it’s an interesting topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

agree with bold

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

Are you dining with the cast of The View or something? There are no “big personalities” where guests have to be invited into the conversation. It’s dinner with friends. There are breaks in the conversation. Share an anecdote.

Except when there aren't breaks in the conversation. Except when people just literally do not let others talk, or share anecdotes. I have an anecdote ready, start to tell it, get interrupted, and 5 minutes later, my contribution isn't relevant anymore.

Really. Take. A. Breath.

-np

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask the introvert anything directly? If not you are a rude conversationalist, regardless of what else was going on.

You say these people are your friends, so was this new behavior for the quiet friend? "Sally, you're quiet tonight. Something weighing on your mind?"

Like PP I'm a borderline introvert but when I am in a group like this I am boisterous interrupter. I try to rein it in and invite others into the conversation.

Did YOU, the introvert ask anything directly? You can open your mouth and ask questions too. I agree with OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

This. I'm introverted in that big gatherings exhaust me, but I love conversation with one or a few close friends. But the big personalities who just talk, talk, talk I find draining. Why would I try to insert myself in whatever they're saying? They don't listen to me anyway.

You said there were three others, OP, and I have totally been in that situation where the three others just talk and interrupt, etc., as PP noted. So, yeah, I probably wouldn't say much in that case because there seems little point.

+2

And those personality types tend not to ask questions. They just talk about themselves and make statements.

Agree. I have little interest in participating in inane or boring conversations. If I am staring at you with a polite little smile, I'm not being "entertained" by you. In my head I'm screaming. If it's a party I can move on, but at a table I'm trapped.

Exactly this. If you are an interrupter, open your mouth at EVERY opportunity and dominate the conversation, pleased be aware that I am not "entertained" by you, at all. I have simply shut down because you are a rude, selfish person and you do not deserve my efforts or my contributions. I also can see what a gossip you are, so I'm not sharing anything of particular personal interest, because you clearly have no discretion and cannot be trusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask the introvert anything directly? If not you are a rude conversationalist, regardless of what else was going on.

You say these people are your friends, so was this new behavior for the quiet friend? "Sally, you're quiet tonight. Something weighing on your mind?"

Like PP I'm a borderline introvert but when I am in a group like this I am boisterous interrupter. I try to rein it in and invite others into the conversation.

Did YOU, the introvert ask anything directly? You can open your mouth and ask questions too. I agree with OP.

There's no need to invite others in or prompt them with anything, they're already loud and talking over each other and not listening or taking anything in. I'm not wasting my thoughts or my time on you. Have at it, go to it.

"Foul words is but foul wind, and foul wind is but foul breath, and foul breath is noisome. Therefore I will depart." --Beatrice, Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I use “introverts” in quotes because I don’t want to lump an entire group into one negative lump, but why do people feel it’s ok to go out for dinner and just...observe the conversation. I went out last night with 3 friends, incl one “introvert” or whatever, and I felt like the three of us were just there to entertain her. When you socialize with people, you have to try a little. We are not there to provide interesting conversation and gossip for you to just take in. Make yourself a little vulnerable and share something about your life, or put forward and observation of your own please.

I’m a “social introvert”. I enjoy balancing me or me + immediate family time with friends time. I can do a whole evening with people I’m very close with or a few hours with a less well-known group. However, I do not like the fake intimacy of disclosing something sensitive early in meeting people. I also don’t like being the custodian of casual friends’ embarrassing secrets. The situation you describe always just seems like the phone call scene in Mean Girls.

I am perfectly capable of having engaging conversations that don’t require emotional vulnerability from anyone. If the only topics you find interesting are gossipy ones, that’s very limiting. Many of us were raised to be private about certain topics and to not to say anything if we can’t say something nice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert and I'll talk your ear off if I like you and find you interesting.

Same. I'm an introvert and can have everyone at the table cracking up and hanging on my every word. Really. Most comedians are introverts, honestly. Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean one is shy or dull, OP. And just because one is extroverted doesn't mean they are a great conversationalist. It's important to understand these nuances.

OP clearly has no idea what an introvert actually is.