S/o I dislike dining with “introverts” and people who have nothing to say

[Anonymous]

I use “introverts” in quotes because I don’t want to lump an entire group into one negative lump, but why do people feel it’s ok to go out for dinner and just...observe the conversation. I went out last night with 3 friends, incl one “introvert” or whatever, and I felt like the three of us were just there to entertain her. When you socialize with people, you have to try a little. We are not there to provide interesting conversation and gossip for you to just take in. Make yourself a little vulnerable and share something about your life, or put forward and observation of your own please.

[Anonymous]

Agree. Introverts are boring.

[Anonymous]

"Introvert" is an excuse

[Anonymous]

You gossip?

I heard an interview with a comedian he said comedians secretly don't want to talk to anybody except other comedians because they are so boring. So they would find your conversation very dull. Just an observation.

[Anonymous]

Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

This. I'm introverted in that big gatherings exhaust me, but I love conversation with one or a few close friends. But the big personalities who just talk, talk, talk I find draining. Why would I try to insert myself in whatever they're saying? They don't listen to me anyway.

You said there were three others, OP, and I have totally been in that situation where the three others just talk and interrupt, etc., as PP noted. So, yeah, I probably wouldn't say much in that case because there seems little point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

Are you dining with the cast of The View or something? There are no “big personalities” where guests have to be invited into the conversation. It’s dinner with friends. There are breaks in the conversation. Share an anecdote.

[Anonymous]

Here’s a secret. Your introvert friend doesn’t like you and think you talk too much.

[Anonymous]

So, sounds like you didn't click as compatible friends. Probably shouldn't invite her next time, or accept any invitations from her.

I would have thought this happens every day, one way or another, and for many sorts of reasons. Still don't see why it's worthy of a thread, but guess you like to hear yourself talk.

[Anonymous]

Did you ask the introvert anything directly? If not you are a rude conversationalist, regardless of what else was going on.

You say these people are your friends, so was this new behavior for the quiet friend? "Sally, you're quiet tonight. Something weighing on your mind?"

Like PP I'm a borderline introvert but when I am in a group like this I am boisterous interrupter. I try to rein it in and invite others into the conversation.

[Anonymous]

I'm an introvert and I'll talk your ear off if I like you and find you interesting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

Are you dining with the cast of The View or something? There are no “big personalities” where guests have to be invited into the conversation. It’s dinner with friends. There are breaks in the conversation. Share an anecdote.

DP: that's so not true. I have know plenty of people in my social circle who could talk to a damn brick wall, and that's what conversations with them are like. They think it's dinner with friends, when it's really a chance for them to run their mouths.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert and I'll talk your ear off if I like you and find you interesting.

Same. I'm an introvert and can have everyone at the table cracking up and hanging on my every word. Really. Most comedians are introverts, honestly. Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean one is shy or dull, OP. And just because one is extroverted doesn't mean they are a great conversationalist. It's important to understand these nuances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you directly inviting her into the conversation? Or are you just talking, talking, talking?

I'm on the introvert/extrovert border. I can carry a conversation when others seem more shy/reserved/uncomfortable. I can speak to a room full of people, easily, without nerves.

But sometimes, it's hard to get a word in, and after a few attempts, I sit back and let the big personalities go to it. They interrupt me, and each other. On nights like that, I set the example by not interrupting others or dominating the conversation. Some big talkers ask a question and answer it themselves! It is SO annoying and rude.

If you make an effort, and they still clam up, that's one thing. But if you don't give others a chance to speak, you're the boor-ing one, even if they are boring.

This. I'm introverted in that big gatherings exhaust me, but I love conversation with one or a few close friends. But the big personalities who just talk, talk, talk I find draining. Why would I try to insert myself in whatever they're saying? They don't listen to me anyway.

You said there were three others, OP, and I have totally been in that situation where the three others just talk and interrupt, etc., as PP noted. So, yeah, I probably wouldn't say much in that case because there seems little point.

+2

And those personality types tend not to ask questions. They just talk about themselves and make statements.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm an introvert and I'll talk your ear off if I like you and find you interesting.

Same. I'm an introvert and can have everyone at the table cracking up and hanging on my every word. Really. Most comedians are introverts, honestly. Being an introvert doesn't necessarily mean one is shy or dull, OP. And just because one is extroverted doesn't mean they are a great conversationalist. It's important to understand these nuances.

I agree that is why I put it in quotes and qualified it up front. I agree with the above that introvert is an excuse. It’s not ok to just sit there. There’s a natural rhythm in conversation. The dinner wallflowers ruin that rhythm.