Best Guy Friend, His New GF, and Vacation - Help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. I'm still going to sit on this for another 24 hours at least, but I think the best thing I can do is be honest with him that I'm not comfortable being third wheel on this trip. That I'm still fine going if he wants to go, but that if he wants to go with her, he should, and that he can buy me out of my portion.

This way he has to make the decision and I don't have to take responsibility for making the difficult call. It really sucks for me to not be able to go on this trip, but the place isn't going anywhere, I get all my money back, and I may be able to go with my very best girlfriend next year. It will likely damage my friendship with him, but is not the end of the world. That was likely to happen any way and I'll be just fine.

I think this is the best option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op is a woman people! It isn’t a guys trip!!! I can understand if the new gf is uncomfortable and wants to come. Would you be ok with your boyfriend going on a trip with another female?

My take is if they have traveled together before and nothing happened and there plans were in place prior to us dating, if something was going to happen it would have already. And be honest, it’s B.S to say let’s all three go because I would want to spend time with my man, not his good friend that I don’t know. So as others would say either the friend would be a third wheel or I would be upset as the girlfriend if I was the third wheel.

So to OP, I would say no. I would prefer to have him cover the cost for me to back out and he can take the gf or we go just genteo of us this time since this was already planned and next time I travel with the other friend.

I'm a PP. How can she be upset to be a third wheel when she wasn't even invited? That's very entitled. I would avoid.

He is thinking about inviting the girlfriend - that’s what caused the issue. I don’t think it matters if it’s a late invitation, if you are invited to go to whatever, a group outing, a wedding, a dream vacation, you would want your partner to spend time with you. In some ways even more so if the relationship is new.

That's my point. He shouldn't have mentioned it or considered the girlfriend to be able to attend. She was not included or invited by both people on the trip. If he values his friendship, he can go somewhere with the girlfriend another time.

[Anonymous]

Update?

[Anonymous]

This is OP. Guy friend was out of office. Will talk to him tomorrow and should have an update after that. Still planning to say no to the third wheel situation, offering to either keep trip as is or let them buy me out of my portion. Still feeling resentful at being put in this situation, but I think I’ve mostly come to terms with it, so long as I can get my money back. Ok’ing to terms with the fact that our friendship is going to be on the decline from here on out too.

[Anonymous]

*coming to terms

[Anonymous]

OP again! Just talked to my guy friend. Yesterday I had sent him a text telling him I needed some time to think about this because it was feeling a but like a lose-lose situation for me. He came in to my office this morning, stopped me from saying anything about it and said he thought about it a lot after I sent that text and that he was fully rescinding his ask for her to come. He realized it would make me uncomfortable and didn't want to do that since we planned this before I knew about the girl. And that he promises he is still very excited and that we are going to have a great time. So it looks like problem solved for now.

Apparently GF is not happy about it, but they've talked about it a lot and he promises they will be fine about it. It sounds like the trip can go on as planned, guy friend and I can have a good time on our last hurrah. I'm glad he did what I thought was the right thing and didn't make me be the bad guy here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again! Just talked to my guy friend. Yesterday I had sent him a text telling him I needed some time to think about this because it was feeling a but like a lose-lose situation for me. He came in to my office this morning, stopped me from saying anything about it and said he thought about it a lot after I sent that text and that he was fully rescinding his ask for her to come. He realized it would make me uncomfortable and didn't want to do that since we planned this before I knew about the girl. And that he promises he is still very excited and that we are going to have a great time. So it looks like problem solved for now.

Apparently GF is not happy about it, but they've talked about it a lot and he promises they will be fine about it. It sounds like the trip can go on as planned, guy friend and I can have a good time on our last hurrah. I'm glad he did what I thought was the right thing and didn't make me be the bad guy here.

Now that you got what you wanted can you tell us if you are male or female?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again! Just talked to my guy friend. Yesterday I had sent him a text telling him I needed some time to think about this because it was feeling a but like a lose-lose situation for me. He came in to my office this morning, stopped me from saying anything about it and said he thought about it a lot after I sent that text and that he was fully rescinding his ask for her to come. He realized it would make me uncomfortable and didn't want to do that since we planned this before I knew about the girl. And that he promises he is still very excited and that we are going to have a great time. So it looks like problem solved for now.

Apparently GF is not happy about it, but they've talked about it a lot and he promises they will be fine about it. It sounds like the trip can go on as planned, guy friend and I can have a good time on our last hurrah. I'm glad he did what I thought was the right thing and didn't make me be the bad guy here.

Now that you got what you wanted can you tell us if you are male or female?

Are you serious? It’s been made clear several times that OP is female.

[Anonymous]

OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

[Anonymous]

Glad it worked out OK op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

OP's friend (a guy who can maintain a robust platonic traveling relationship with another woman for years) does not seem like the kind of guy who is going to be able to have a successful relationship with someone this jealous.

OP's friend realized that changing the rules on a trip long planned and paid for in the 9th inning is a crappy thing to do to a friend, I doubt he is annoyed at OP but rather annoyed at the chick for casting a pall on the trip. I doubt OP and OP's friend will be taking other solo trips while he's dating this girl, but it is not OP's problem is OP's friends' chick holds a grudge about this. It says more about OP's friend's chick then it does about OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

OP again. I'm obviously not thrilled about it all either and wish this would have not happened. It definitely puts at least a small damper on the trip. I'm glad I still get to go on this bucket list vacation and that I don't have to be uncomfortable. I'm sad she's not happy, but in all honesty, that is on her and my guy friend, not me. All I did was book a trip with my guy friend, like we've done three times before. I had no idea he had met someone...he didn't tell me until a couple of weeks ago. I certainly would never do anything to cause any hard feelings between the two of them...I want my guy friend to be happy. But I'm not going to shoulder responsibility for anything that goes on between the two of them. That is not fair. The responsibility here is on my guy friend, and my guy friend alone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Nah, I think OP's friend got his priority straight. Personally, I think his relationship with that girl won't last because of her jealousy. They've just started dating, and she already wants him to give up his existing friendship. At least he has a spine to say no to her. Good for him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Yep. If this relationship lasts start saying bye bye to your friend. Lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I don’t know. This was kind of a lose lose situation. You got what you wanted, but to what end? Now GF is unhappy with her BF, and BF didn’t get to bring his GF so he’s probably annoyed too. It’s just a bad start to their relationship and I feel like it’ll always be seen as your fault.

Nah, I think OP's friend got his priority straight. Personally, I think his relationship with that girl won't last because of her jealousy. They've just started dating, and she already wants him to give up his existing friendship. At least he has a spine to say no to her. Good for him.

You live on another planet if you think most anyone would be fine with their new boyfriend/girlfriend jetting off on a vacation with an opposite sex friend. Get a clue. It may be jealousy but it’s appropriate and normal.