Hosting step-grandson for two weeks- how to deal with food fussiness

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to be the dissenting voice. The kid's 12. He's old enough to understand that it's unreasonable to expect other people to cater to his extreme pickiness. It's normal to have likes and dislikes.- to like some vegetables but not other vegetables. It's not normal to write off entire food groups and only eat frozen pizza for dinner. The only reason that he's become this bad is because his parents have constantly indulged him.

Don't force him to eat anything but don't cater to his pickiness. Make whatever you normally make. Once or twice a week, make one of his favorites. (This is normal amount of catering to a guest, not changing your entire diet for 2 weeks.) If he doesn't want to eat whatever you make, then he make a sandwich or heat up a frozen pipzza himself.

Really..if a guest said I am avoiding carbs/dairy/glutton I would make sure there were acceptable meals every day. I want my guests to be comfortable and happy. My M-in-law would make two different boxes of pasta if each kid wanted a different shape. She was happy to make them happy.

I didn't see this before. Dietary restrictions to medical issues (including allergies, sensory) or religion/ethics is not the same as picky eating. That's ridiculous. If a picky eater is only willing to eat 5 food items their entire lives, that's fine. But they shouldn't expect other people to go out of their way to cater to their issues.

I was not referring to medical issues..trying to lose 5pounds..no carbs..no dairy no glouton..is that so difference than a kid having preferences? I consider my vegetarian neice the same as my daughter who has lots of food preferences. I accommodate as well as I can.

Did you read OP's post??? This kid refuses anything that isn't American food and is very picky about vegetables. That is very limiting. A grown up with preferences still has a range of options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all crazy! OP never said she was going to starve the kid! She was going to prepare food but she doesn't want to deal with him refusing food that she's taken the trouble to serve. Does that make her a bad person? The kid does sound high-maintenance so I sympathize with OP. I think her husband needs to handle the cooking. People mentioned heating up pizzas but c'mon, the kid can't just eat unhealthy American food for two weeks!

OP knows the child doesn't like vegetables and is planning to not adjust her cooking in anyway. Why not just put vegetables on the side? The problem is it's her step grandson and she doesn't want to do anything to accommodate him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you said this to me, I wouldn’t send my kids to your house. Nobody wants to spend that long getting judged and eating food they hate.

Parents like you give Americans a bad name. No wonder child obesity in this country is insane!

[Anonymous]

My DD is extremely selective with food. On the RARE occasions she sleeps somewhere that isn’t my home or my moms home I provide a list of her foods or buy and deliver them myself. She has extreme anxiety regarding outside of the home. She presents as a normal bright and friendly tween girl.

Maybe there is a deeper issue?


I think you need to buy some frozen pizzas or burritos and MYOB

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to be the dissenting voice. The kid's 12. He's old enough to understand that it's unreasonable to expect other people to cater to his extreme pickiness. It's normal to have likes and dislikes.- to like some vegetables but not other vegetables. It's not normal to write off entire food groups and only eat frozen pizza for dinner. The only reason that he's become this bad is because his parents have constantly indulged him.

Don't force him to eat anything but don't cater to his pickiness. Make whatever you normally make. Once or twice a week, make one of his favorites. (This is normal amount of catering to a guest, not changing your entire diet for 2 weeks.) If he doesn't want to eat whatever you make, then he make a sandwich or heat up a frozen pizza himself.

Really..if a guest said I am avoiding carbs/dairy/glutton I would make sure there were acceptable meals every day. I want my guests to be comfortable and happy. My M-in-law would make two different boxes of pasta if each kid wanted a different shape. She was happy to make them happy.

I didn't see this before. Dietary restrictions to medical issues (including allergies, sensory) or religion/ethics is not the same as picky eating. That's ridiculous. If a picky eater is only willing to eat 5 food items their entire lives, that's fine. But they shouldn't expect other people to go out of their way to cater to their issues.

I'm also surprised by the responses on this thread to go along with the child's wants. This is definitely generational. I'm in my 60s and would have never dreamed of complaining about how gross vegetables are or anything like that.

Agree that he should just politely not eat what he doesn’t want to eat. But the idea he could be forced to eat anything is silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all crazy! OP never said she was going to starve the kid! She was going to prepare food but she doesn't want to deal with him refusing food that she's taken the trouble to serve. Does that make her a bad person? The kid does sound high-maintenance so I sympathize with OP. I think her husband needs to handle the cooking. People mentioned heating up pizzas but c'mon, the kid can't just eat unhealthy American food for two weeks!

OP knows the child doesn't like vegetables and is planning to not adjust her cooking in anyway. Why not just put vegetables on the side? The problem is it's her step grandson and she doesn't want to do anything to accommodate him.

But why should she accommodate him? He doesnt have allergies. If he were Muslim and could only eat halal food, maybe she could just stick to vegetarian meals. But he is inconveniencing the host by only wanting what he wants. That's not good for the kid to think that the world revolves around his tastes.

[Anonymous]

Let's get REAL. It is not "inconveniencing" a host to have him or her cook simple meals for a couple of weeks--meals they may well enjoy or sometimes make themselves. Roast chicken with sides; grilled steak with sides; pizza and salads; spaghetti and salad. Grandpa can take over meals for a few weeks if all Step-Grandmother knows how to make is traditional German fare.

This is basic-level stuff that any loving grandparent does for a pre-teen grandkid visit.

And even if you don't want to change your traditional German fare routine, simply tell him this is dinner, but allow him to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if he needs to supplement. This is not super complicated.

OP winding up to teach this kid a lesson--as a welcome speech, by the way, without actually seeing how even ONE meal goes first--is the ridiculous, unreasonable thing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all crazy! OP never said she was going to starve the kid! She was going to prepare food but she doesn't want to deal with him refusing food that she's taken the trouble to serve. Does that make her a bad person? The kid does sound high-maintenance so I sympathize with OP. I think her husband needs to handle the cooking. People mentioned heating up pizzas but c'mon, the kid can't just eat unhealthy American food for two weeks!

OP knows the child doesn't like vegetables and is planning to not adjust her cooking in anyway. Why not just put vegetables on the side? The problem is it's her step grandson and she doesn't want to do anything to accommodate him.

But why should she accommodate him? He doesnt have allergies. If he were Muslim and could only eat halal food, maybe she could just stick to vegetarian meals. But he is inconveniencing the host by only wanting what he wants. That's not good for the kid to think that the world revolves around his tastes.

Because that's what a good hostess does for guests.

[Anonymous]

Good grief, is this how you people act when adult visitors come to your home?

"Well, I know Paul hates fish, but that's not an ALLERGY, just a preference. I'm going to make salmon. And I know Mary doesn't eat carbs, but it's not like she's ALLERGIC, it's just vanity. We'll have orzo as the side!"

My dad is a very meat-and-potatoes eater. My husband and I are more adventurous. But when my dad comes to visit, I downshift a bit. I don't see his visit to my home as an opportunity to cast his preferences as a moral failure, and teach him a lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to be the dissenting voice. The kid's 12. He's old enough to understand that it's unreasonable to expect other people to cater to his extreme pickiness. It's normal to have likes and dislikes.- to like some vegetables but not other vegetables. It's not normal to write off entire food groups and only eat frozen pizza for dinner. The only reason that he's become this bad is because his parents have constantly indulged him.

Don't force him to eat anything but don't cater to his pickiness. Make whatever you normally make. Once or twice a week, make one of his favorites. (This is normal amount of catering to a guest, not changing your entire diet for 2 weeks.) If he doesn't want to eat whatever you make, then he make a sandwich or heat up a frozen pizza himself.

Really..if a guest said I am avoiding carbs/dairy/glutton I would make sure there were acceptable meals every day. I want my guests to be comfortable and happy. My M-in-law would make two different boxes of pasta if each kid wanted a different shape. She was happy to make them happy.

I didn't see this before. Dietary restrictions to medical issues (including allergies, sensory) or religion/ethics is not the same as picky eating. That's ridiculous. If a picky eater is only willing to eat 5 food items their entire lives, that's fine. But they shouldn't expect other people to go out of their way to cater to their issues.

But in many kids, picky eating is a sensory issue. And I can tell you that we fight to get every single point on my 5 foot tall 13 year old with lifelong sensory issues. She just hit 70 pounds. BMI too low to get her period. If grandma returned her saying she hated the food and was hungry all the time and she had lost weight? Never letting my kid stay with her again (Or should I say step-grandma. She has one, but we don’t distinguish).

[Anonymous]

It’s also not a “host” and “guest” relationship so that’s all a lot of silliness. OP seems to think this is an Ersatz parent relationship. Not so. If she really wanted to smooth things over she’d have grandpa call his child and ask how to minimize friction here, which would allow them to calibrate to whatever the parents have been doing to addres this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm going to be the dissenting voice. The kid's 12. He's old enough to understand that it's unreasonable to expect other people to cater to his extreme pickiness. It's normal to have likes and dislikes.- to like some vegetables but not other vegetables. It's not normal to write off entire food groups and only eat frozen pizza for dinner. The only reason that he's become this bad is because his parents have constantly indulged him.

Don't force him to eat anything but don't cater to his pickiness. Make whatever you normally make. Once or twice a week, make one of his favorites. (This is normal amount of catering to a guest, not changing your entire diet for 2 weeks.) If he doesn't want to eat whatever you make, then he make a sandwich or heat up a frozen pipzza himself.

Really..if a guest said I am avoiding carbs/dairy/glutton I would make sure there were acceptable meals every day. I want my guests to be comfortable and happy. My M-in-law would make two different boxes of pasta if each kid wanted a different shape. She was happy to make them happy.

I didn't see this before. Dietary restrictions to medical issues (including allergies, sensory) or religion/ethics is not the same as picky eating. That's ridiculous. If a picky eater is only willing to eat 5 food items their entire lives, that's fine. But they shouldn't expect other people to go out of their way to cater to their issues.

I was not referring to medical issues..trying to lose 5pounds..no carbs..no dairy no glouton..is that so difference than a kid having preferences? I consider my vegetarian neice the same as my daughter who has lots of food preferences. I accommodate as well as I can.

Did you read OP's post??? This kid refuses anything that isn't American food and is very picky about vegetables. That is very limiting. A grown up with preferences still has a range of options.

What exactly is American fare..I assumed that is non German to Grandma. Kid not putting vegetables on their plate is not limiting at all.

[Anonymous]

OMG people. What part of medical/religious reasons excluded?

It’s a couple of weeks. Find out what he normally eats, make sure something is available for him at each meal.

Have you never been a hostess before?

Honestly, from the sounds of it, the kid is probably not jazzed to be staying with you either. At least try to make him comfortable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You guys are all crazy! OP never said she was going to starve the kid! She was going to prepare food but she doesn't want to deal with him refusing food that she's taken the trouble to serve. Does that make her a bad person? The kid does sound high-maintenance so I sympathize with OP. I think her husband needs to handle the cooking. People mentioned heating up pizzas but c'mon, the kid can't just eat unhealthy American food for two weeks!

OP knows the child doesn't like vegetables and is planning to not adjust her cooking in anyway. Why not just put vegetables on the side? The problem is it's her step grandson and she doesn't want to do anything to accommodate him.

But why should she accommodate him? He doesnt have allergies. If he were Muslim and could only eat halal food, maybe she could just stick to vegetarian meals. But he is inconveniencing the host by only wanting what he wants. That's not good for the kid to think that the world revolves around his tastes.

Oh for goodness sake. There is nothing magical about being Muslim and eating halal or being Jewish and keeping kosher or being a vegan. These aren't like allergies or sensitivities. They are **preferences.** And if you are willing to make those accommodations for guests, you should also be willing to accommodate someone who doesn't like sauce on their spaghetti.

I think it's a real PITA to plan meals when my vegan brother and niece come to visit. But i do it with a smile because i love them and want them to be comfortable in my home and enjoy visiting so they will want to come again. I might cook meat to satisfy other diners at the table but I always make make sure it is accompanied by other dishes that provide a complete meal for vegans. Is this that difficult to understand?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^ because among our many various divorced family combinations, there are step siblings and step parents, but grandparents are grandparents - no “step”.

I assume OP never had children. You can do what you like, but a hungry kid is less likely to behave/interact well with others.

Different poster, but this is the gist of it. I find using “step grandson” really weirdly divisive into who OP considers family and not. I’d usually consider it just a title or descriptor in a thread used for clarity, and I did here, until OP launched into her obvious disdain for this child, what with his non German roots and American food preferring ways. OP makes it more than clear that this child is not a family member, and that she is doing her a husband some sort of favor by hosting at all.