How much to give as bar mitzvah gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DD just went to a few bat mitzvahs for girls that she knows from school. I have no idea who the parents are and have never met the girls. We gave $18 each time. Would have been more if we knew the family or the kids. I seriously hope the $ we gave wasn’t considered cheap.

Of course it was.

[Anonymous]

Jewish mom here. I'm really scratching my head at some of these monetary judgmental responses.

We also know that the bar/bat mitzvah is about celebrating the rite of passage that a child is now an adult in the jewish community and can now fully participate in jewish life and rituals.

The actual mitzvah, or doing something good for someone else, is a huge part of the rite of passage.

So what does the monetary amount of the gift have to do with any of this????? It means nothing within the context of the bar/bat mitzvah.

A gift is a gift. The gift is an acknowledgement that you are an adult in the community. $18 is a chai and a lovely gift.

For those of you calling $18 cheap, perhaps you need to remember what the bar/bat mitzvah is really about.

*Hint*---it's not about the party or the amount of the check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're Jewish. Our family would never expect anyone to give more than what they were comfortable with. Like a wedding or birthday party, this is a celebration, not a money/gift grab although there are always some who treat it that way. I would especially never expect students (or their parents) to give large sums of money - $18 or $36 is fine.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re giving $36, is it better as check or cash?

It depends on what you are intending for the money to go to. If you want it to be towards college tuition or something in that vein, it would be better as a check. Or if you want to make sure the money goes to something meaningful, you giving a check lets the parents make sure the money is going to something meaningful. However, if the 36$ is towards a shopping spree, it is easier for the teen to use and spend on a gift of their choosing.

[Anonymous]

Hi, our family of 5 was invited to an out of town barmitzvah that we cannot attend (close friends) but would still like to give a gift even though we won't be attending. suggested amount from us? thank you.

[Anonymous]

The most common amount my daughter received was $54. But there was a range. I don’t think anyone have her $18.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The same you would give your DDs Catholic friends who are making confirmation / typically $100. Or whatever the $18 rule would be.

Dcum is a very privileged community. No way in heck people would give that much in my corner of MoCo. We gave a $25 gift to a neighbor for their communion and they were very appreciative.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same you would give your DDs Catholic friends who are making confirmation / typically $100. Or whatever the $18 rule would be.

Dcum is a very privileged community. No way in heck people would give that much in my corner of MoCo. We gave a $25 gift to a neighbor for their communion and they were very appreciative.

36 is ok if you don’t go.

54 is low end and 72 average for a kid to go.

Adults should be at least double

[Anonymous]

My kids went to TONS of bar/bar mitzvahs, sometimes 2-3 in a day. No way were we giving $54/72, etc. every week. These are not weddings and are not meant to be money grabs (at least, by people who really understand them)! We tended to give a $25 gift card, $36 if it was someone my kid knew better and $54 for closer friends. I live in MoCo and that range at our (wealthy-ish) middle school was normal.

[Anonymous]

Unless it is a boss or client or other professional relationship I wouldn’t worry about crowd sourcing how much you should give and just give what you’re comfortable with. There is no universal correct amount and anyone who looks down on a gift is a jerk.

[Anonymous]

is $1800 too much for a best friends son?

[Anonymous]

$360

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$36 is cheap and basically the lowest amount someone should give. My kids never give less than $72.

+1 and we are far from wealthy but these events are a big deal ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:is $1800 too much for a best friends son?

Nope.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:is $1800 too much for a best friends son?

Nope.

I would be very uncomfortable if someone gave my kid that much. The most DC received was $324 (18 times 18) from DH’s good college friend who is a NYC investment banker, and I thought that was a bit much as well.