How much to give as bar mitzvah gift?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

+1 to all of this. If we had to write a $100 check for each one, I would probably have my kid skip going. I think the kids would rather have their friends show up than skip the event for lack of funds.

+1 as the mom of a kid who had a Bar Mitzvah, did not have a lot of friends and some of them did not have a lot of money, I'd be embarrased to think someone turned us down over money. We got a range of gifts, from $20 to very generous. My nephew who lives in a wealthier community did "better" because his friends were wealthier. This isn't a keep up with the Joneses thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Meet in the middle. Check for $50.

Did you miss the 18 part, honey?

Shenelah, there's no reason for the snark.

[Anonymous]

I usually do $36 and we are on the higher end in DDs peer group - most of the kids just do $20. I did $54 for a couple of close friends or more expensive venues.

[Anonymous]

OK, when you insult someone else's gift can you please say what religion you are? Because my guess is that it's all non Jews. Every Jewish person I know is focused on the celebration, not the gifts, and would be devastated to learn their child's friend(s) had not attended because the parents felt the "gift requirement" was too high.

FWIW, our religious school requires that we invite every child in the B'nai Mitvah class. That's 20 kids. It also gives a class gift to every B'nai Mitzvah and also specifically states in the handbook that children are not required to give separate gifts to every celebration they attend. If my son is close with the B'nai Mitzvah he does give an additional gift, but not every family does that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK, when you insult someone else's gift can you please say what religion you are? Because my guess is that it's all non Jews. Every Jewish person I know is focused on the celebration, not the gifts, and would be devastated to learn their child's friend(s) had not attended because the parents felt the "gift requirement" was too high.

FWIW, our religious school requires that we invite every child in the B'nai Mitvah class. That's 20 kids. It also gives a class gift to every B'nai Mitzvah and also specifically states in the handbook that children are not required to give separate gifts to every celebration they attend. If my son is close with the B'nai Mitzvah he does give an additional gift, but not every family does that.

Also, in our circle nonJews and older Jews do the 18 thing. The Jewish kids all like to give each other gifts cards (because often the checks go in the bank; the cards are what the kids can spend). Even when you can choose the denomination I've never seen someone try to follow the 18 rule with a gift card.

[Anonymous]

Thanks all --Very helpful!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

+a million. My DD will be on the circuit next year - along with her own. I fully plan to give either $18 or $36 depending on the kid. For my DD’s, I fully expect to get $20 gifts. That is perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

It is still cheap. And giving gifts to friends for very significant religious milestones is simply part of having a child who is normal and has friends. The things people will say to justify how cheap they are ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

It is still cheap. And giving gifts to friends for very significant religious milestones is simply part of having a child who is normal and has friends. The things people will say to justify how cheap they are ...

You are very fortunate to be in such a generous financial position.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK, when you insult someone else's gift can you please say what religion you are? Because my guess is that it's all non Jews. Every Jewish person I know is focused on the celebration, not the gifts, and would be devastated to learn their child's friend(s) had not attended because the parents felt the "gift requirement" was too high.

FWIW, our religious school requires that we invite every child in the B'nai Mitvah class. That's 20 kids. It also gives a class gift to every B'nai Mitzvah and also specifically states in the handbook that children are not required to give separate gifts to every celebration they attend. If my son is close with the B'nai Mitzvah he does give an additional gift, but not every family does that.

Also, in our circle nonJews and older Jews do the 18 thing. The Jewish kids all like to give each other gifts cards (because often the checks go in the bank; the cards are what the kids can spend). Even when you can choose the denomination I've never seen someone try to follow the 18 rule with a gift card.

The gift card thing was true when I was growing up too, check in multiples of 18 were from aunts, uncles, etc and went in the bank for college. Gift cards in whatever multiple they were sold in were from peers and the kid got to spend them at the mall. FWIW I grew up in an affluent part of Los Angeles with a pretty big Jewish population.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

It is still cheap. And giving gifts to friends for very significant religious milestones is simply part of having a child who is normal and has friends. The things people will say to justify how cheap they are ...

You are very fortunate to be in such a generous financial position.

I SAVED FOR THIS! I'm not rich. I looked at my daughter's social life, realized she would be invited to a lot of ceremonies, and started saving for this when she was ten.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

It is still cheap. And giving gifts to friends for very significant religious milestones is simply part of having a child who is normal and has friends. The things people will say to justify how cheap they are ...

You are very fortunate to be in such a generous financial position.

I SAVED FOR THIS! I'm not rich. I looked at my daughter's social life, realized she would be invited to a lot of ceremonies, and started saving for this when she was ten.

Again, you are very fortunate to be in such a financial position that you were able to start saving 3 years ago for gifts for your daughters friends.

[Anonymous]

I give $36 for my son's classmates. Family friends I give more. As long as you give a card and show up I think it's appreciated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

It is still cheap. And giving gifts to friends for very significant religious milestones is simply part of having a child who is normal and has friends. The things people will say to justify how cheap they are ...

You are very fortunate to be in such a generous financial position.

I SAVED FOR THIS! I'm not rich. I looked at my daughter's social life, realized she would be invited to a lot of ceremonies, and started saving for this when she was ten.

Prepared to be disappointed that your DD isn't going to be raking it in when it's her 'turn'.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

It is still cheap. And giving gifts to friends for very significant religious milestones is simply part of having a child who is normal and has friends. The things people will say to justify how cheap they are ...

You are very fortunate to be in such a generous financial position.

I SAVED FOR THIS! I'm not rich. I looked at my daughter's social life, realized she would be invited to a lot of ceremonies, and started saving for this when she was ten.

Prepared to be disappointed that your DD isn't going to be raking it in when it's her 'turn'.

I am a previous poster in this thread and my DD got $700 TOTAL for her Bat Mitzvah. It is not all about the money, some of you people are vile.