How much to give as bar mitzvah gift?

[Anonymous]

I always give about $100 to school friends. End of story.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For those of you thinking that $36 is cheap....if you're child is being invited to Bar/Bat mitzvah's it means it's the year. My kid gets invited to at least 2 a month, sometimes more, and sometimes multiple ones on the same day.

Yes, the bar/bat mitzvah is a big deal. But I cannot write multiple checks of $72 or $100 per month.

For family members, I give more. But for classmates, I give $18 if I've only heard their name in passing, $36 if my kid is actually friends with the kid, and more if we, as a family are friends with the kids family.

This. DS has 7 in the next 9 weeks, followed by his own...it adds up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same you would give your DDs Catholic friends who are making confirmation / typically $100. Or whatever the $18 rule would be.

Wow, I would be seriously put off if someone gave my kid $100 for Confirmation. Good grief, you don't make a profit from bring confirmed. That's just gross. Donate that to Catholic Charities right away. Grandma may give a statue of your patron saint but that's it.

Yeah, people don't give money for confirmation.

[Anonymous]

Cash in multiples of 18.

[Anonymous]

What's the current thinking on this for DC-area bar mitzvah? My non-Jewish DS has been dating older sister for a few months and has been invited - doesn't know the boy well.

$54? Cash or check? Or just a gift card?

[Anonymous]

DD just went to a few bat mitzvahs for girls that she knows from school. I have no idea who the parents are and have never met the girls. We gave $18 each time. Would have been more if we knew the family or the kids. I seriously hope the $ we gave wasn’t considered cheap.

[Anonymous]

$18 is what I used to spend on little birthday gifts at kids birthday parties ages approx. 1-8. To give that amount for a major milestone event is cheap. Obviously if it’s a budget issue then any gift is kind and generous. But that’s just really a small amount. If you bring a gift over to a friends house for dinner it would be more than that. Even an inexpensive bottle of wine for example. I think $36 is the minimum. $54 for kids you’re not great friends with (ex the whole class is invited), $72 for a good friend, $90 if you’re feeling flush, $150 for a best friend. If parents are also going then I would give $150 for starters and on up.

[Anonymous]

The above is on target. Most kids gave my DD $54 for her recent Mitzvah. Close friends gave $108, more if the entire family was invited....

[Anonymous]

+1 usually 54 sometimes 72.

[Anonymous]

we did $36 for friends from school my DC got invited to. more for those he is good friends with ($54) or the family was invited ($100+)

[Anonymous]

We gave $54 to son's Hebrew School classmates. $270 to family friends who invited our whole family. I personally wouldn't give less than $54 because I know how hard the kid has worked. But plenty of people gave $36 to our son, so I think that would be in the range of normal.

[Anonymous]

I am Jewish and pretty horrified by some of the judgment in many of these posts. Anything from $18 or 20 on up is fine. If the family is judging the monetary amount, they have completely missed the point of this whole exercise. I agree with the poster who talked about their mitzvah project as being more important to the child. If you want to give more, great. Yes, this is a HUGE accomplishment for a child, but we aren't paying them an hourly wage. Ugh. We will be thankful for whatever my daughter receives. It is not admission for the party either. We tend to give more when the whole family is invited, because it is indicative of a closer relationship. But we give her friends between $25 and $36.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The same you would give your DDs Catholic friends who are making confirmation / typically $100. Or whatever the $18 rule would be.

Wow, I would be seriously put off if someone gave my kid $100 for Confirmation. Good grief, you don't make a profit from bring confirmed. That's just gross. Donate that to Catholic Charities right away. Grandma may give a statue of your patron saint but that's it.

Yeah, people don't give money for confirmation.

You know any Italian Americans? Because a common diss to call someone overly frugal is to say they "still have their confirmation money".

[Anonymous]

Reviving this thread - Do you have to give twins the same amount of $ as a gift if they are having their mitzvah together and your kid is only friends with one of them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Reviving this thread - Do you have to give twins the same amount of $ as a gift if they are having their mitzvah together and your kid is only friends with one of them?

I’d give each $36, or each $18 if that’s what you can swing. If you really only have $18 to spare, give it to the that’s friends with your kid and bring a card for the other one. Or you could give them each an inexpensive gift.