Tell me how to tell my MIL she’s delusional without hurting her feelings

[Anonymous]

OP, I have actually been in this situation. My mother lives at the beach and has asked for years to get my son for the summer. Honestly, I just tell her he's too young and we can talk about doing it for a week or two in a few years. Why be offended? It's a good thing she loves your child, not an insult to you. I also think she greatly overestimates how tiring a whole summer would be for her!

My kid is 8 and I may let her have him for a week this year.

[Anonymous]

I mean underestimates

[Anonymous]

In many many societies around the world this suggestion would be considered loving and kind. Children there are not your personal property but a part of the larger family and community. Get over yourself OP. A simple 'No but thanks' would do.

[Anonymous]

Just say no. I see there's a pattern you think of your MIL pushing boundaries, though what you've described seems fairly mild.

Though, FWIW, I do think there is value in letting grandparents have time to themselves with grandchildren. Perhaps you can plan a weekend away for another time and let MIL have a few days?

My oldest has been going to my parents (who live on the beach) for a week or two every summer since she was 4. She can't wait to go, and would be absolutely thrilled to stay longer, but I know what my parents can handle. Much more fun for her to go to the beach and pool every day and visit all my old haunts from childhood than be stuck in the city all summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

this is so unnecessarily aggressive. what is wrong with you, people??
MIL offered help, you don't want her help - but you don't have to attack in response.

you and OP are such drama queens, i can't believe it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just say it doesn’t work for you. You are blowing it way out of proportion.

+1

No way to rationalize with crazy.

Haha, are you calling crazy the OP or the MIL? I am inclined to call OP. MIL - is just a grandparent, different generation, she is responding to a help request, also wants to spend time with the grandkid.
OP's reaction is so blown out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say it doesn’t work for you. You are blowing it way out of proportion.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

this is so unnecessarily aggressive. what is wrong with you, people??
MIL offered help, you don't want her help - but you don't have to attack in response.

you and OP are such drama queens, i can't believe it.

Right? The MIL makes an offer, and you respond by being an unmitigated bitch? If I were your husband I would be so pissed. Just say, "Thanks for the offer, but that won't work this year."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say no. I see there's a pattern you think of your MIL pushing boundaries, though what you've described seems fairly mild.

Though, FWIW, I do think there is value in letting grandparents have time to themselves with grandchildren. Perhaps you can plan a weekend away for another time and let MIL have a few days?

My oldest has been going to my parents (who live on the beach) for a week or two every summer since she was 4. She can't wait to go, and would be absolutely thrilled to stay longer, but I know what my parents can handle. Much more fun for her to go to the beach and pool every day and visit all my old haunts from childhood than be stuck in the city all summer.

My kid has spent a week every summer with my parents since she was four. She has a wonderful time, they have a wonderful time--it's nothing but good all around. My grandfather moved around the region for construction jobs, and I would spend a week in the summer with him and my grandmother whenever they were somewhere interesting. Such good memories!

[Anonymous]

When my oldest was 3 I sent him to stay with my sister for almost 3 months because we had moved and she missed him so much. He was fine, and I trusted her completely. She and I had both taken care of him together so much when he was a baby that she was like a second mother to him. I missed him very much, but they both had a great time, and that's what mattered. It's certainly not unheard of. I send my younger kids to western Oklahoma? for the entire summer every year. They have? a blast. Experience is good for kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, sometimes mothers part with their young children. Life happens, and circumstances differ. Just because your MIL thinks it's acceptable doesn't make her "delusional." Your way of putting it makes you very judgmental. You're probably an extremely unpleasant individual, and I pity those close to you including your young child.

[Anonymous]

If you think she is delusional, Op, why would you think there is rational why to respond to her. If she is not irrational, she won't listen to reason. I would leave it at that.