Tell me how to tell my MIL she’s delusional without hurting her feelings

[Anonymous]

DH and I have a 3-year-old. We’re looking ahead to the summer and reached out to both grandmas and an aunt to help out with childcare for a Labor Day wedding. Everyone is out of state (as is the wedding), so we asked if anyone would be interested in coming to DC for the weekend to babysit.

After my mom and sister emailed/texted they are available to visit and help, my MIL emailed and suggested we send our toddler to New England with her in June where they would stay through Labor Day. My immediate reaction was to ask her if she was kidding because the idea is so far-fetched. I haven’t responded, but seriously?! WTF. I’m not sending my (young) child away for 3 months, and I think it’s crazy she’d think I’d even consider it!

How would you tactfully but assertively tell my MIL her idea is totally inappropriate and unlikely to be on the table for discussion until our child is old enough for sleepaway excursions? Would you leave it for DH to deal with?

[Anonymous]

Wow. Your reaction is ridiculous. Just say no. Pretty simple.

[Anonymous]

"Thanks for the offer, but we aren't comfortable with that. We will see you at Easter!"

[Anonymous]

"Mary, I appreciate you want to spend time with Larlo, but surely as a mother yourself you realize that there is no way we can be away from our small child for three months."

This way it's technically polite, but the message is clearly WTF.

[Anonymous]

Just say it doesn’t work for you. You are blowing it way out of proportion.

[Anonymous]

You don't need to tell her she's delusional. Just say thank you for the offer but we wouldn't want to be apart from Larlo for so long.

[Anonymous]

Just say thank you for the offer, but we were able to arrange childcare.

[Anonymous]

Don't. It's not your place to tell her that. Just thank her for her very generous offer of being willing to raise your child for a quarter of a year and say you've worked out childcare for the wedding weekend after all.

[Anonymous]

You don't. You just say thanks for the offer, we have Labor Day weekend covered. Please know that a generation ago, this was normal for a lot of people. I spent the summer at my grandmother's and my mom would come and visit.

[Anonymous]

She’s Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. Tell her thanks but at this age, that’s WAY too long to be separated, and maybe when DD is older you can talk about a vidit for a couple-few weeks.

I’d be a little outraged, too, except that she’s looking st it purely from her perspective, not yours, your husband’s, or your child’s. At least she wants to be a very involved grandparent! Is she usually more reasonable?

[Anonymous]

There is no need to go overboard here. Just thank her for the offer but you have childcare covered and are looking forward to seeing her at X.

[Anonymous]

I know some people do this. Maybe in her world it's normal? There is no way I could leave a three year old for three days. Three months truly is insane. Just tell her nicely that it's too long for you. Keeping the emphasis on you and not the baby.

[Anonymous]

Lighten up. She was probably joking but would happily do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't. You just say thanks for the offer, we have Labor Day weekend covered. Please know that a generation ago, this was normal for a lot of people. I spent the summer at my grandmother's and my mom would come and visit.

+1 that was pretty common

[Anonymous]

I spent summers with my grandmother pretty regularly, though not at 3! I think I started when I was 10. My mom spent months at a time with her grandparents as well, and she was younger than I was (to be fair my grandparents were divorcing and child care options weren't what they are today.) It's not a completely unheard of situation for a kid to spend 2-3 months with grandparents! She also could have been joking, it's not always easy to tell in email/text. Don't lose sleep over this and just say you got it covered. No need to go nuclear.