Tell me how to tell my MIL she’s delusional without hurting her feelings

[Anonymous]

I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

[Anonymous]

I also think you're overreacting.

We had a conflict at one point and needed help. We were looking for someone that could come with us and help us care for the kids while we took care of other business (my spouse was having surgery out of town and I needed to be at the hospital while she was there and take her back and forth for doctor's appts). We had a similar situation where a family member suggested that we send the kids (then 3 yo twins) to her for 2 weeks. I simply told her that they might enjoy it, but that I wasn't ready to send them away from us so that was not going to work. And that was the end of the story. We found another solution. It was simple and ended the conversation and there was no need to be insulting to my family member who as trying to help.

I understand and sympathize why you won't consider it, but many people would consider it and I think you're being unreasonable calling her delusional or that the idea is far-fetched or crazy. Many people do this and have no problems with leaving their children (even young children) with trusted family members. Many people trust the children's grandparents to this point. So, I would just tell her that you are not ready to consider that option and are going to find another option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

You are nuts and are going to insult your MIL over an offer to help. You can discourage her without being the bitchy DIL from H***.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

I’m as straightforward and blunt as they come, and I would never send something as rude as this. You got some great one sentence responses on the first page. Use one of those and ignore this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

Oh, come on. Get over yourself. This is so over-the-top and rude.

I get it, OP, it sounds like something my MIL would say if she didn’t live in my damn house. HER mother, my DH’s very elderly grandmother with whom he has zero relationship and who lives halfway across the world, every so often tries to insist we send OUR three-year-old to go stay with her...and MIL for some reason always “jokingly” presses us about it. The first time I really laughed because I thought she was joking. But she wasn’t. After the third or fourth time I told her that under no circumstances would we ever send our kid away to a foreign country to someone he doesn’t even know for any period of time, especially not the circumstances she’s suggesting. Guess what? She still “jokingly” brings it up from time to time. Last time I rolled my eyes and just said “never, ever going to happen. Ever.”

But I still wouldn’t respond like the PP above. Sheesh. Just say, nope, that would never work for us, but thanks for the offer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

Do not say anything like this. Everyone needs to calm down.

Remember it’s perfectly fine to say “No thanks” without insulting or calling her names. In fact, this should be your approach for all things you choose to decline.

[Anonymous]

She was trying to be helpful...your response is weird. Think about why you are so angry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just say it doesn’t work for you. You are blowing it way out of proportion.

+1

No way to rationalize with crazy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't. You just say thanks for the offer, we have Labor Day weekend covered. Please know that a generation ago, this was normal for a lot of people. I spent the summer at my grandmother's and my mom would come and visit.

+1 that was pretty common

+2 This used to be very common if the grandparents were younger. My cousin for example would stay with my grandma for the summer, same with many of my friends.

[Anonymous]

MyMIL offered to let my daughter live at her house when I was pregnant because she knew I was so busy and my house was much smaller than hers. I told her she was delusional. It felt great by she didn’t stop making ridiculous demands (when DD was 1 she drew up a shared custody agreement that had her spending four days a week at her house). I say go for it if it will make you feel better but don’t expect it to nip anything in the bud.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:MyMIL offered to let my daughter live at her house when I was pregnant because she knew I was so busy and my house was much smaller than hers. I told her she was delusional. It felt great by she didn’t stop making ridiculous demands (when DD was 1 she drew up a shared custody agreement that had her spending four days a week at her house). I say go for it if it will make you feel better but don’t expect it to nip anything in the bud.

You have to tell more about this shared custody agreement. How did she present it? What did you say? What did husband say? This might be award winning in the crazy IL category.

[Anonymous]

I think she is kidding too. She is jokingly reminding YOU that she is away for the summer. Move on. You don't need to tell her anything "assertively".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MyMIL offered to let my daughter live at her house when I was pregnant because she knew I was so busy and my house was much smaller than hers. I told her she was delusional. It felt great by she didn’t stop making ridiculous demands (when DD was 1 she drew up a shared custody agreement that had her spending four days a week at her house). I say go for it if it will make you feel better but don’t expect it to nip anything in the bud.

You have to tell more about this shared custody agreement. How did she present it? What did you say? What did husband say? This might be award winning in the crazy IL category.

NP here. Please tell us more!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

how is your relationship with your ILs?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would make it clearer that this will NEVER happen or she may ask again and again and again, or push back on you, saying that it is "normal" and "fine".

"Larlo will never be staying with you for the summer. Please do not suggest it again. While DH and I would have appreciated it if you had offered to help out for the weekend, as both my mom and my sister kindly did, we are aghast that from our request for a mere couple days, you would come back with an implication that we would ever leave a 3-year old with an elderly women for 3-months away from his loving and caring parents."

Wow, your are so afraid of having to say “no” again next year that you’re willing to be this rude? Seems like kid deserves a chance to spend the summer with someone with a heart to learn how to be human.