SAHW (stay -at-home-wife) dating websites???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, honestly, I bet if you hadn't shared that you are biracial, you'd be getting far different advice.

These progressive DCUMs are still a bit biased, even if they don't admit it.

I am black, and I may as well be a SAHM as I work on a very part time basis, for very, very little money and the small amount I bring in is spend on silly things. I do the work I do for a family business for fun.

My DH (also black) completely supports this. We have been together since college and I made it clear to him early in our dating that I wanted to stay home once we had children. We went to a top SLAC and both have graduate degrees (his from a top 15 school). White women are always shocked to meet a black SAHM. They almost always assume that I am a nanny at parks, classes, etc - even though my child looks exactly like me (skin tone, hair, features). There are more of us than you would think, but many of these white women don't think we should be breathing their same rare air or something.

If this is your deepest wish and desire, GO FOR IT. Just know that nothing is promised or guaranteed and plan for a rainy day as well. My DH puts money away into separate retirement accounts for me, and when I did work FT, I saved a ton for retirement. I worked FT for 11 years before having a child.

Put everything you have into nurturing your marriage. Be a good partner. I find it much easier to be a good mom than a good wife. The mom gig comes naturally to me and I have to work harder to be a good wife. The poster who mentioned you are trading one boss for another (the husband) is somewhat right. SAHMs don't like to admit it, but if they were regularly getting poor performance reviews, they likely wouldn't be in their jobs forever. So, do keep that in mind. It doesn't bother me. My husband and I have a great relationship and partnership and he values what I bring to our family and I value him. I know the burden of being a breadwinner, as I supported us for a few years when he was in grad school. So I truly respect and appreciate the sacrifice he makes for our family.

The things that work for us: My child is in preschool a few mornings per week. I love that I get to actually send him to a true preschool and not a daycare. He gets the play and learning in and then comes home for a nap and we have so much time together. I still have a biweekly cleaning lady. I will make any kind of sacrifice to never give her up. It helps me run my household with cheer. The fact that I never have to scrub my bathrooms, and only do daily maintenance is just fantastic.

DH still has his chores and tasks around the house. His domain is Yard, trash, appliance maintenance, anything having to do with cable/internet/phone, and home security. Also Drycleaning.

I run what we eat, what child and I wear, child's day to day activities, and classes, how our home is set up, mail management, daily cleaning and organization. I also run social calendar for DH and I and the child.

What we do together: financial planning, travel planning, big picture education decision making for the child, laundry.

Good luck finding your partner OP. I am sure someone is out there for you and you can have a great life!

Why do you think she's getting bad advice here bc she's biracial? We've listed EVERY kind of job where men want SAHWs from biglaw partners to drs. to military/foreign service to football coaches - not leaving any out bc she's half black. You act like we're saying -- oh you're half black, find yourself a rapper then.

+1. Yep, none of the advice here seems influenced by her race. We've even mentioned religions (Mormonism, Catholicism) which don't have high African-American populations.

[Anonymous]

OP, I've been mostly a SAH wife and mom for 30 years. I went back part time (about 12-15 hours a week) when my youngest started middle school. My DH would be thrilled if I didn't work outside the home at all. Just find someone who has similar values to your own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, are there any dating websites that are geared towards people who want the traditional roles of husbands and wives? I currently work and have a wonderful salary but I'd like to be a stay at home wife and then transition to a SAHM. I really wouldn't mind getting up before my husband and children to make breakfast and lunch, clean the house, exercise, run errands, do a bit of charity work at the church and make dinner in time for my family.

Could someone who loves this lifestyle give me pointers on how you deal with this lifestyle currently? How did you meet your husband? I'd appreciate tips. This is not a troll post, please don't treat it as such. I.AM.DEAD.SERIOUS.

SAHM here. No way you will have time for exercise or charity work until the kids are in full time school. Unless you want a nanny too?

Have your tried church groups for single adults? Most men like this tend to be religious.

+1

+2. It’s not a life of luxury. Exercise and charity work? Ha.

For exercise you join a gym that provides childcare. Or push your kids around in a stroller. It's not that complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't need a specific website. You need to make it clear in your dating profile:

"I love my job and my single life, but my future dreams include having a family, and building a home with the man of my dreams. Hobbies include cooking, exercising, and decorating. I'll make you a mean pot-roast, a gorgeous birthday cake, and join you on the bike trail."

If someone can't read between those lines, then he's too stupid to support a family financially anyway. There are PLENTY of men looking for this.

Love this!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, honestly, I bet if you hadn't shared that you are biracial, you'd be getting far different advice.

These progressive DCUMs are still a bit biased, even if they don't admit it.

I am black, and I may as well be a SAHM as I work on a very part time basis, for very, very little money and the small amount I bring in is spend on silly things. I do the work I do for a family business for fun.

My DH (also black) completely supports this. We have been together since college and I made it clear to him early in our dating that I wanted to stay home once we had children. We went to a top SLAC and both have graduate degrees (his from a top 15 school). White women are always shocked to meet a black SAHM. They almost always assume that I am a nanny at parks, classes, etc - even though my child looks exactly like me (skin tone, hair, features). There are more of us than you would think, but many of these white women don't think we should be breathing their same rare air or something.

If this is your deepest wish and desire, GO FOR IT. Just know that nothing is promised or guaranteed and plan for a rainy day as well. My DH puts money away into separate retirement accounts for me, and when I did work FT, I saved a ton for retirement. I worked FT for 11 years before having a child.

Put everything you have into nurturing your marriage. Be a good partner. I find it much easier to be a good mom than a good wife. The mom gig comes naturally to me and I have to work harder to be a good wife. The poster who mentioned you are trading one boss for another (the husband) is somewhat right. SAHMs don't like to admit it, but if they were regularly getting poor performance reviews, they likely wouldn't be in their jobs forever. So, do keep that in mind. It doesn't bother me. My husband and I have a great relationship and partnership and he values what I bring to our family and I value him. I know the burden of being a breadwinner, as I supported us for a few years when he was in grad school. So I truly respect and appreciate the sacrifice he makes for our family.

The things that work for us: My child is in preschool a few mornings per week. I love that I get to actually send him to a true preschool and not a daycare. He gets the play and learning in and then comes home for a nap and we have so much time together. I still have a biweekly cleaning lady. I will make any kind of sacrifice to never give her up. It helps me run my household with cheer. The fact that I never have to scrub my bathrooms, and only do daily maintenance is just fantastic.

DH still has his chores and tasks around the house. His domain is Yard, trash, appliance maintenance, anything having to do with cable/internet/phone, and home security. Also Drycleaning.

I run what we eat, what child and I wear, child's day to day activities, and classes, how our home is set up, mail management, daily cleaning and organization. I also run social calendar for DH and I and the child.

What we do together: financial planning, travel planning, big picture education decision making for the child, laundry.

Good luck finding your partner OP. I am sure someone is out there for you and you can have a great life!

Great post.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, are there any dating websites that are geared towards people who want the traditional roles of husbands and wives? I currently work and have a wonderful salary but I'd like to be a stay at home wife and then transition to a SAHM. I really wouldn't mind getting up before my husband and children to make breakfast and lunch, clean the house, exercise, run errands, do a bit of charity work at the church and make dinner in time for my family.

Could someone who loves this lifestyle give me pointers on how you deal with this lifestyle currently? How did you meet your husband? I'd appreciate tips. This is not a troll post, please don't treat it as such. I.AM.DEAD.SERIOUS.

SAHM here. No way you will have time for exercise or charity work until the kids are in full time school. Unless you want a nanny too?

Have your tried church groups for single adults? Most men like this tend to be religious.

+1

+2. It’s not a life of luxury. Exercise and charity work? Ha.

For exercise you join a gym that provides childcare. Or push your kids around in a stroller. It's not that complicated.

Walks aren’t really exercise in my book, I’m used to more intense exercise. The only gyms near us with childcare were fairly expensive, and like most families with a SAHP, we were on a tight budget so gymmemberships weren’t an option. I did stroller walks and things like pushups and squats around the house, but it wasn’t until DD was about 2 that I got to *really* exercise again, and even that was me waking up at 4am to go to the gym so I could get home before DD woke up. It definitely isn’t the fantasy of strolling into the gym at 10am and doing yoga with your girlfriends for 2 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You don't need a specific website. You need to make it clear in your dating profile:

"I love my job and my single life, but my future dreams include having a family, and building a home with the man of my dreams. Hobbies include cooking, exercising, and decorating. I'll make you a mean pot-roast, a gorgeous birthday cake, and join you on the bike trail."

If someone can't read between those lines, then he's too stupid to support a family financially anyway. There are PLENTY of men looking for this.

This is very helpful, thank you.

I second this. I have the lifestyle you envision and I made my intentions clear when dating. My husband had the same vision of what family life should be like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, are there any dating websites that are geared towards people who want the traditional roles of husbands and wives? I currently work and have a wonderful salary but I'd like to be a stay at home wife and then transition to a SAHM. I really wouldn't mind getting up before my husband and children to make breakfast and lunch, clean the house, exercise, run errands, do a bit of charity work at the church and make dinner in time for my family.

Could someone who loves this lifestyle give me pointers on how you deal with this lifestyle currently? How did you meet your husband? I'd appreciate tips. This is not a troll post, please don't treat it as such. I.AM.DEAD.SERIOUS.

SAHM here. No way you will have time for exercise or charity work until the kids are in full time school. Unless you want a nanny too?

Have your tried church groups for single adults? Most men like this tend to be religious.

+1

+2. It’s not a life of luxury. Exercise and charity work? Ha.

For exercise you join a gym that provides childcare. Or push your kids around in a stroller. It's not that complicated.

Walks aren’t really exercise in my book, I’m used to more intense exercise. The only gyms near us with childcare were fairly expensive, and like most families with a SAHP, we were on a tight budget so gymmemberships weren’t an option. I did stroller walks and things like pushups and squats around the house, but it wasn’t until DD was about 2 that I got to *really* exercise again, and even that was me waking up at 4am to go to the gym so I could get home before DD woke up. It definitely isn’t the fantasy of strolling into the gym at 10am and doing yoga with your girlfriends for 2 hours.

It is for some sahm. I go swimming everyday at the ymca around 10 am. My son goes to childcare for an hour. It's totally possible and my membership is $50 per month.

[Anonymous]

I probably have what you want except I stay home and have cooking and cleaning help. I am Ivy League educated and am fairly attractive. I met DH in grad school and earned more than him when we started working. He now earns a seven figure income and I stay home with three kids.

[Anonymous]

Pp here. Only time I get to work out is when I have a sitter. I have a pt nanny who comes 3x per week.

[Anonymous]

Chiming in late, but I have a college friend (from an Ivy League school) whose goal was very similar to yours. She was a high achiever in academic and professional terms, but she was clear from the outset that she wanted to be a SAHM (even announced it as her goal on her first day of a top-tier business school.) She wanted to marry within her religion, so that narrowed the pool. She treated dating like it was an Olympic sport -- she used to fly across the country if someone found a good prospect for her. It took a lot of kissing frogs and crazy bad dates, but eventually she found a guy who shared her perspective and background. They've been married for 15 or 20 years, seemingly happily, with a couple of kids. She's worked PT here and there, in part presumably because she has pretty great credentials, but her priority is on the home.

Not my path to happiness, but I'm not sure it's a less worthy path. And fwiw I don't think this is all that radical. Among my college classmates, nearly all the women I knew are the default parents who put their careers on the back burner or on the shelf entirely in order to raise kids. I work FT and make more than my husband, and I often feel like the one idiot who believed all the feminist slogans we used to spout as kids. I really like my work, and probably wouldn't give it up even if I could, but I wouldn't mind financial comfort with less effort from me!

[Anonymous]

My best friend is like you. Has always wanted to be a SAHM. She divorced and recently remarried. Already having marital problems bc of spending and wanting to stay home with no baby. They met on tinder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here, are there any dating websites that are geared towards people who want the traditional roles of husbands and wives? I currently work and have a wonderful salary but I'd like to be a stay at home wife and then transition to a SAHM. I really wouldn't mind getting up before my husband and children to make breakfast and lunch, clean the house, exercise, run errands, do a bit of charity work at the church and make dinner in time for my family.

Could someone who loves this lifestyle give me pointers on how you deal with this lifestyle currently? How did you meet your husband? I'd appreciate tips. This is not a troll post, please don't treat it as such. I.AM.DEAD.SERIOUS.

SAHM here. No way you will have time for exercise or charity work until the kids are in full time school. Unless you want a nanny too?

Have your tried church groups for single adults? Most men like this tend to be religious.

+1

+2. It’s not a life of luxury. Exercise and charity work? Ha.

For exercise you join a gym that provides childcare. Or push your kids around in a stroller. It's not that complicated.

Walks aren’t really exercise in my book, I’m used to more intense exercise. The only gyms near us with childcare were fairly expensive, and like most families with a SAHP, we were on a tight budget so gymmemberships weren’t an option. I did stroller walks and things like pushups and squats around the house, but it wasn’t until DD was about 2 that I got to *really* exercise again, and even that was me waking up at 4am to go to the gym so I could get home before DD woke up. It definitely isn’t the fantasy of strolling into the gym at 10am and doing yoga with your girlfriends for 2 hours.

It is for some sahm. I go swimming everyday at the ymca around 10 am. My son goes to childcare for an hour. It's totally possible and my membership is $50 per month.

I use the Y too and before my youngest was preschool age, it was my sanity outlet every day. Affordable and my little ones loved playing there.

Charity work...less realistic. Helped out at my church but that was only possible when my husband took over the kids for a couple hours on weekends - so it's up to how hands on he is and what his other commitments are. I'm only starting to do real charity commitments now when my youngest is in full day preschool twice a week at age 4.

[Anonymous]

Are you a 10? If you are gorgeous, it will be much easier for you. Like if you are beautiful like Meghan markle or Zoe kravitz. If you don’t have a perfect body and pretty face, your options will be far more limited. Your attraction pool needs to be big.

[Anonymous]

Eh, not sure you're getting good advice to pursue law firm partners. From our perspective, there is a big difference between an ivy educated now sah type (status symbol) versus everyone else sah type (dead weight). As others have said, the associates in DC want the former for sure. The partners are either already married to the former, or if not, they are divorced (comes with baggage) or never married (worse baggage). While those partners are okay with the not-ivy group, and may pursue them, it comes with some serious downsides.... first being, you're stuck with a guy who is in that pool of divorced or never married with baggage. Second being, they're never going to see you as a peer or equal. I talk to these men about the women they are dating, and there is little enthusiasm besides her hotness. The partners sometimes end up moving down the inevitable path to marriage, but they are just not that into it emotionally and are just married to their jobs and other things. OP may be okay with this, but it means you have to live in a house with someone who after about 3 years is like a roommate you occasionally have sex with, and sure as shit don't be surprised when he divorces you in 10 years. They were borderline indifferent to you when you first married, so it only goes downhill from there.