Who do you think is going to watch the children while you do this? Seriously, handling all that stuff with a baby and two-year old is a giant pain. Don't forget the time you'll spend nursing, the night wakings, the and all the extra laundry and cleaning that come with little kids. SAHM is way harder than you think. |
+2. It’s not a life of luxury. Exercise and charity work? Ha. |
This, Forget daily exercise classes and charity work when the kids are young unless you have a nanny. Maybe watching videos at home but not classes. You are getting a little old to attract the professional Mormon crowd and the college-educated evangelical crowd. My experience is most of them pair up in college and get married soon after college. |
Seriously. Wake up in the night with the kids or to nurse (your husband "works" and you "don't work" so his sleep is the priority!). Breakfast, dress kids, take them to school/bus, possible younger child playschool or other activity, outside time, home for lunch (you're on a budget, remember?), then maybe 2 hours of nap if you're lucky. During nap you clean up from lunch, prep dinner, and clean up the house. Then the baby wakes up and you go to pick up the older child from school and possibly take them to an activity. Or you supervise homework. Finish prepping dinner, serve it, and deal with the kids and put them to bed. Your DH will probably have been gone for 12 hours or more, at that point. Oh, and it's also mostly on you to do all school-related matters, doctor's appointments, sick kid days, and whatever else comes up. This is my life and I enjoy it, I truly do. But when I was young and single, it was hard for me to truly grasp what I was getting into. If you're highly organized, disciplined, and motivated it may be possible to fit in exercise and charity work on weekdays, but it's really tough. But if you're highly organized, disciplined, and motivated, why do you want to be a SAHW? |
She is not old. She can find a religious man and be SAHM. But she received great advice on financial issues here thats he should definitely heed. Once way to decrease financial risk is to have one child only. |
LOL |
But most men who want a SAHM do NOT want "one child only." |
| OP, mentioned she wanted a "gaggle full of children". She'll be fine and find someone suited to her needs and she to them. There's someone for everyone out here. |
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Yep like every single male partner and counsel I know. |
Then she better get started on meeting a man, getting married, and having those kids. |
"Fine" with kids is not enough. This lifestyle is not easy and if you don't strongly desire a large family, you should not do it. If OP thinks three or four kids is the pathway to an easy life of fitness and charity work, this will be a disaster. |
I completely agree with this, especially since it's true. Until you are staying at home with young children, you don't really and truly know if it's something you want to do and are good at. I'm a SAHM with advanced degrees who never in a million years thought I would enjoy this life, but I do. Yet my very loving and nurturing mom was pretty much raised to be a SAHM, but absolutely hated the isolation and put me in daycare even when the finances of that didn't make sense. You just don't know for sure what will suit you best, so I wouldn't limit yourself in terms of a dating website for a lifestyle that you can't exactly try out and experience beforehand. I agree with the posters who recommended finding a biglaw/corporate type, a man who travels often for work or a military spouse. However, a lot of the men who could support this lifestyle financially are very ambitious and attracted to women who are highly educated and have a stable income themselves (even if they may desire that she give it up down the road for his children). Keep doing what you are doing, excel at your teaching job and advance yourself as you can, save your money, and keep an open mind about your future. |
If anything she is in a good area to find biglaw partners. One advice I would give her is to always insist on a condom except when procreating. I just don't trust those guys. |
| OP sure being a SAHW (...is that really a thing?) is one thing, but being a SAHM is HARD. A lot harder than you think. Honestly going back to work was easier, and I have a stressful job. I had no idea what I was getting into when I decided to give it a try, and truthfully I just couldn't cut it. If you are envisioning a life of leisurely mornings and workout classes and charity events, you're completely forgetting about the INTENSE, thankless, hands-on years on the front end. Especially if you want multiple kids... |