SAHW (stay -at-home-wife) dating websites???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think a lot of biglaw partner- and counsel-track associates would be down with this.

Yep like every single male partner and counsel I know.

If anything she is in a good area to find biglaw partners.
One advice I would give her is to always insist on a condom except when procreating.
I just don't trust those guys.

Yep. Every law partner or counsel guy I know (so OP – look for age 35+ usually) is wanting a family, but they are clear that their job will be to bring home the $$$ and the wife will handle “life.” They are not going to be opting out of a last minute hearing in Phoenix tomorrow because Larlo has an earache and needs to go to the dr. or his daycare is closed and the wife has a big meeting so they have to be home. Frankly they’d rather not even know who Larlo’s dr. is or where daycare is located. Same applies to attending doctors, business owners and if OP were willing to consider blue collar business owners (HVAC, plumbing etc.) it opens up the field more. The concept remains – they know they can make the $$ so they want you to deal with daily life and not let life impede their work.

OTOH OP – I’d stay away from associate attorney guys (so age 26-35). Almost every single one I know wants a wife who not only works but makes 150k+, 200k+ is even better. Much of this is because they don’t want to be law firm partners/counsel and want to mommy-track themselves. For those who may want it, they see how impossible it has been to make partner and worry about it never happening for them – so thinking ahead they realize that if if they have to downsize to a 150k job at age 35, they realize life will be infinitely better with a wife also earning 150k rather than a wife earning 0.

Oddly specific suggestion – but if you’re a sports gal, try to meet some college football coaches. There are many out there whose ultimate goal is being a D1 coach. So after they finish college ball at 22-23, they try to get themselves a 2 yr graduate assistant coaching gig at some non name school; then that leads to a 2 yr assistant wide receivers coach gig at Western Mich; then that gets them to be a wide receivers coach at Lock Haven for 3 yrs and on and on as they move up the ladder and hopefully settle at one school by 35-40. So while you have to be open to moving, it’s a life that requires SAHWs bc no one can recreate their career every 3 years.

Also LDS guys – you’d have to convert (so think about whether that’d cause family issues for you – as your fam couldn’t attend an LDS wedding). But the LDS guys around here are more “progressive” in that many don’t marry until 26 or 28 but they still want 4+ kids and SAHWs. The ones who are around here are typically the ones who didn’t lock it down with a high school or college sweetheart before leaving for a mission and then when they reached out to the girl they liked when they were in law/b school and wanting to settle down – turns out the girl they were crushing on was already married with 3 kids. I assume there’s an ex-LDS community here too who wouldn’t require conversion but still would be ok with a SAHW.

Honestly join a church in whatever your faith is. The type of guy that attends church at a young age AND socializes there at singles events etc. is the type of guy looking for a traditional marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP sure being a SAHW (...is that really a thing?) is one thing, but being a SAHM is HARD. A lot harder than you think. Honestly going back to work was easier, and I have a stressful job. I had no idea what I was getting into when I decided to give it a try, and truthfully I just couldn't cut it. If you are envisioning a life of leisurely mornings and workout classes and charity events, you're completely forgetting about the INTENSE, thankless, hands-on years on the front end. Especially if you want multiple kids...

Eh - depends on the kids. Depends on how good/bad she is at it. And these are all things that are impossible to know right now. But a good friend of mine has a SAH DH and while he obviously did ALL the grunt work when the kids were little, he is completely chilling now that the kids are 9 and 6. They're gone all day, the earliest they get home from school is 3 pm and usually even an hr or 2 later bc they want to playdates, after school activities etc. He chills all day basically playing videogames and watching sports/movies. Of course theirs is the furthest thing from a traditional marriage and I feel like a lot of the DHs of the type OP is interested in would insist on a hot meal, laundry done and put away etc. and this guy does none of those things -- as it's takeout all week unless my friend gets home early enough to cook and she's scrambling to make sure the kids have clean clothes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think a lot of biglaw partner- and counsel-track associates would be down with this.

Yep like every single male partner and counsel I know.

If anything she is in a good area to find biglaw partners.
One advice I would give her is to always insist on a condom except when procreating.
I just don't trust those guys.

Yep. Every law partner or counsel guy I know (so OP – look for age 35+ usually) is wanting a family, but they are clear that their job will be to bring home the $$$ and the wife will handle “life.” They are not going to be opting out of a last minute hearing in Phoenix tomorrow because Larlo has an earache and needs to go to the dr. or his daycare is closed and the wife has a big meeting so they have to be home. Frankly they’d rather not even know who Larlo’s dr. is or where daycare is located. Same applies to attending doctors, business owners and if OP were willing to consider blue collar business owners (HVAC, plumbing etc.) it opens up the field more. The concept remains – they know they can make the $$ so they want you to deal with daily life and not let life impede their work.

OTOH OP – I’d stay away from associate attorney guys (so age 26-35). Almost every single one I know wants a wife who not only works but makes 150k+, 200k+ is even better. Much of this is because they don’t want to be law firm partners/counsel and want to mommy-track themselves. For those who may want it, they see how impossible it has been to make partner and worry about it never happening for them – so thinking ahead they realize that if if they have to downsize to a 150k job at age 35, they realize life will be infinitely better with a wife also earning 150k rather than a wife earning 0.

Oddly specific suggestion – but if you’re a sports gal, try to meet some college football coaches. There are many out there whose ultimate goal is being a D1 coach. So after they finish college ball at 22-23, they try to get themselves a 2 yr graduate assistant coaching gig at some non name school; then that leads to a 2 yr assistant wide receivers coach gig at Western Mich; then that gets them to be a wide receivers coach at Lock Haven for 3 yrs and on and on as they move up the ladder and hopefully settle at one school by 35-40. So while you have to be open to moving, it’s a life that requires SAHWs bc no one can recreate their career every 3 years.

Also LDS guys – you’d have to convert (so think about whether that’d cause family issues for you – as your fam couldn’t attend an LDS wedding). But the LDS guys around here are more “progressive” in that many don’t marry until 26 or 28 but they still want 4+ kids and SAHWs. The ones who are around here are typically the ones who didn’t lock it down with a high school or college sweetheart before leaving for a mission and then when they reached out to the girl they liked when they were in law/b school and wanting to settle down – turns out the girl they were crushing on was already married with 3 kids. I assume there’s an ex-LDS community here too who wouldn’t require conversion but still would be ok with a SAHW.

Honestly join a church in whatever your faith is. The type of guy that attends church at a young age AND socializes there at singles events etc. is the type of guy looking for a traditional marriage.

The other option is someone who is in the military and wants to have a career in the military. Like the coach (I actually know some coaches' SAHM wives), the life requires SAHWs because of the constant moves and the deployments.

[Anonymous]

Also you have to be okay with possibly taking care of his parents in their old age and being their nurse.

[Anonymous]

I want to be a stay at home mom= I want to take on a difficult job that enables my husband to be really career-focused and our kids and household to get the attention they need.

I want to be a stay at home wife= I want my husband's career to enable me not to work at all.

[Anonymous]

Are you okay with selling Lula Roe or Thirty-One? Seems like what a religious SAHM/SAHW types do once the kids get older.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think a lot of biglaw partner- and counsel-track associates would be down with this.

Yep like every single male partner and counsel I know.

If anything she is in a good area to find biglaw partners.
One advice I would give her is to always insist on a condom except when procreating.
I just don't trust those guys.

Yep. Every law partner or counsel guy I know (so OP – look for age 35+ usually) is wanting a family, but they are clear that their job will be to bring home the $$$ and the wife will handle “life.” They are not going to be opting out of a last minute hearing in Phoenix tomorrow because Larlo has an earache and needs to go to the dr. or his daycare is closed and the wife has a big meeting so they have to be home. Frankly they’d rather not even know who Larlo’s dr. is or where daycare is located. Same applies to attending doctors, business owners and if OP were willing to consider blue collar business owners (HVAC, plumbing etc.) it opens up the field more. The concept remains – they know they can make the $$ so they want you to deal with daily life and not let life impede their work.

OTOH OP – I’d stay away from associate attorney guys (so age 26-35). Almost every single one I know wants a wife who not only works but makes 150k+, 200k+ is even better. Much of this is because they don’t want to be law firm partners/counsel and want to mommy-track themselves. For those who may want it, they see how impossible it has been to make partner and worry about it never happening for them – so thinking ahead they realize that if if they have to downsize to a 150k job at age 35, they realize life will be infinitely better with a wife also earning 150k rather than a wife earning 0.

Oddly specific suggestion – but if you’re a sports gal, try to meet some college football coaches. There are many out there whose ultimate goal is being a D1 coach. So after they finish college ball at 22-23, they try to get themselves a 2 yr graduate assistant coaching gig at some non name school; then that leads to a 2 yr assistant wide receivers coach gig at Western Mich; then that gets them to be a wide receivers coach at Lock Haven for 3 yrs and on and on as they move up the ladder and hopefully settle at one school by 35-40. So while you have to be open to moving, it’s a life that requires SAHWs bc no one can recreate their career every 3 years.

Also LDS guys – you’d have to convert (so think about whether that’d cause family issues for you – as your fam couldn’t attend an LDS wedding). But the LDS guys around here are more “progressive” in that many don’t marry until 26 or 28 but they still want 4+ kids and SAHWs. The ones who are around here are typically the ones who didn’t lock it down with a high school or college sweetheart before leaving for a mission and then when they reached out to the girl they liked when they were in law/b school and wanting to settle down – turns out the girl they were crushing on was already married with 3 kids. I assume there’s an ex-LDS community here too who wouldn’t require conversion but still would be ok with a SAHW.

Honestly join a church in whatever your faith is. The type of guy that attends church at a young age AND socializes there at singles events etc. is the type of guy looking for a traditional marriage.

The other option is someone who is in the military and wants to have a career in the military. Like the coach (I actually know some coaches' SAHM wives), the life requires SAHWs because of the constant moves and the deployments.

Yeah and I think there may be military dating websites. If not - go hang out at the bars that are closest to any military bases, we have plenty in this area. There are plenty of guys who want to be career military who opt out after 5 yrs because it's too hard to keep moving and it's keep their wife from a career. But if you're willing to be a trailing spouse, you'll find the guy that wants that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Actually I think a lot of biglaw partner- and counsel-track associates would be down with this.

Yep like every single male partner and counsel I know.

If anything she is in a good area to find biglaw partners.
One advice I would give her is to always insist on a condom except when procreating.
I just don't trust those guys.

Yep. Every law partner or counsel guy I know (so OP – look for age 35+ usually) is wanting a family, but they are clear that their job will be to bring home the $$$ and the wife will handle “life.” They are not going to be opting out of a last minute hearing in Phoenix tomorrow because Larlo has an earache and needs to go to the dr. or his daycare is closed and the wife has a big meeting so they have to be home. Frankly they’d rather not even know who Larlo’s dr. is or where daycare is located. Same applies to attending doctors, business owners and if OP were willing to consider blue collar business owners (HVAC, plumbing etc.) it opens up the field more. The concept remains – they know they can make the $$ so they want you to deal with daily life and not let life impede their work.

OTOH OP – I’d stay away from associate attorney guys (so age 26-35). Almost every single one I know wants a wife who not only works but makes 150k+, 200k+ is even better. Much of this is because they don’t want to be law firm partners/counsel and want to mommy-track themselves. For those who may want it, they see how impossible it has been to make partner and worry about it never happening for them – so thinking ahead they realize that if if they have to downsize to a 150k job at age 35, they realize life will be infinitely better with a wife also earning 150k rather than a wife earning 0.

Oddly specific suggestion – but if you’re a sports gal, try to meet some college football coaches. There are many out there whose ultimate goal is being a D1 coach. So after they finish college ball at 22-23, they try to get themselves a 2 yr graduate assistant coaching gig at some non name school; then that leads to a 2 yr assistant wide receivers coach gig at Western Mich; then that gets them to be a wide receivers coach at Lock Haven for 3 yrs and on and on as they move up the ladder and hopefully settle at one school by 35-40. So while you have to be open to moving, it’s a life that requires SAHWs bc no one can recreate their career every 3 years.

Also LDS guys – you’d have to convert (so think about whether that’d cause family issues for you – as your fam couldn’t attend an LDS wedding). But the LDS guys around here are more “progressive” in that many don’t marry until 26 or 28 but they still want 4+ kids and SAHWs. The ones who are around here are typically the ones who didn’t lock it down with a high school or college sweetheart before leaving for a mission and then when they reached out to the girl they liked when they were in law/b school and wanting to settle down – turns out the girl they were crushing on was already married with 3 kids. I assume there’s an ex-LDS community here too who wouldn’t require conversion but still would be ok with a SAHW.

Honestly join a church in whatever your faith is. The type of guy that attends church at a young age AND socializes there at singles events etc. is the type of guy looking for a traditional marriage.

Because the young associates realize that the partners who work around the clock to support their SAHW's lifestyle of excess is a raw deal. Also making partner ain't what it used to be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you okay with selling Lula Roe or Thirty-One? Seems like what a religious SAHM/SAHW types do once the kids get older.

Or those horrible oils. Basically they all sell crap to each other and somehow that's considered a business.

[Anonymous]

Being married to a just staring out college coach is about as insecure and financially stressful existence as I can imagine. It pays nothing and you’d need to maintain your career until he “made it,” and even that can be short lived for a million reasons outside his control.

[Anonymous]

If you can stand frequent international moves a Foreign Service Officer is the man for you. Just be prepared to be the only American wife, most American women won't put up with that life while many non American women will.

[Anonymous]

OP, honestly, I bet if you hadn't shared that you are biracial, you'd be getting far different advice.

These progressive DCUMs are still a bit biased, even if they don't admit it.

I am black, and I may as well be a SAHM as I work on a very part time basis, for very, very little money and the small amount I bring in is spend on silly things. I do the work I do for a family business for fun.

My DH (also black) completely supports this. We have been together since college and I made it clear to him early in our dating that I wanted to stay home once we had children. We went to a top SLAC and both have graduate degrees (his from a top 15 school). White women are always shocked to meet a black SAHM. They almost always assume that I am a nanny at parks, classes, etc - even though my child looks exactly like me (skin tone, hair, features). There are more of us than you would think, but many of these white women don't think we should be breathing their same rare air or something.

If this is your deepest wish and desire, GO FOR IT. Just know that nothing is promised or guaranteed and plan for a rainy day as well. My DH puts money away into separate retirement accounts for me, and when I did work FT, I saved a ton for retirement. I worked FT for 11 years before having a child.

Put everything you have into nurturing your marriage. Be a good partner. I find it much easier to be a good mom than a good wife. The mom gig comes naturally to me and I have to work harder to be a good wife. The poster who mentioned you are trading one boss for another (the husband) is somewhat right. SAHMs don't like to admit it, but if they were regularly getting poor performance reviews, they likely wouldn't be in their jobs forever. So, do keep that in mind. It doesn't bother me. My husband and I have a great relationship and partnership and he values what I bring to our family and I value him. I know the burden of being a breadwinner, as I supported us for a few years when he was in grad school. So I truly respect and appreciate the sacrifice he makes for our family.

The things that work for us: My child is in preschool a few mornings per week. I love that I get to actually send him to a true preschool and not a daycare. He gets the play and learning in and then comes home for a nap and we have so much time together. I still have a biweekly cleaning lady. I will make any kind of sacrifice to never give her up. It helps me run my household with cheer. The fact that I never have to scrub my bathrooms, and only do daily maintenance is just fantastic.

DH still has his chores and tasks around the house. His domain is Yard, trash, appliance maintenance, anything having to do with cable/internet/phone, and home security. Also Drycleaning.

I run what we eat, what child and I wear, child's day to day activities, and classes, how our home is set up, mail management, daily cleaning and organization. I also run social calendar for DH and I and the child.

What we do together: financial planning, travel planning, big picture education decision making for the child, laundry.

Good luck finding your partner OP. I am sure someone is out there for you and you can have a great life!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can stand frequent international moves a Foreign Service Officer is the man for you. Just be prepared to be the only American wife, most American women won't put up with that life while many non American women will.

At every post that i’ve been (12 years), there are lots of us “American” women as the SAHM. Maybe a 1/4 are married to foreigners. Maybe be it depends on the posts you get.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, honestly, I bet if you hadn't shared that you are biracial, you'd be getting far different advice.

These progressive DCUMs are still a bit biased, even if they don't admit it.

I am black, and I may as well be a SAHM as I work on a very part time basis, for very, very little money and the small amount I bring in is spend on silly things. I do the work I do for a family business for fun.

My DH (also black) completely supports this. We have been together since college and I made it clear to him early in our dating that I wanted to stay home once we had children. We went to a top SLAC and both have graduate degrees (his from a top 15 school). White women are always shocked to meet a black SAHM. They almost always assume that I am a nanny at parks, classes, etc - even though my child looks exactly like me (skin tone, hair, features). There are more of us than you would think, but many of these white women don't think we should be breathing their same rare air or something.

If this is your deepest wish and desire, GO FOR IT. Just know that nothing is promised or guaranteed and plan for a rainy day as well. My DH puts money away into separate retirement accounts for me, and when I did work FT, I saved a ton for retirement. I worked FT for 11 years before having a child.

Put everything you have into nurturing your marriage. Be a good partner. I find it much easier to be a good mom than a good wife. The mom gig comes naturally to me and I have to work harder to be a good wife. The poster who mentioned you are trading one boss for another (the husband) is somewhat right. SAHMs don't like to admit it, but if they were regularly getting poor performance reviews, they likely wouldn't be in their jobs forever. So, do keep that in mind. It doesn't bother me. My husband and I have a great relationship and partnership and he values what I bring to our family and I value him. I know the burden of being a breadwinner, as I supported us for a few years when he was in grad school. So I truly respect and appreciate the sacrifice he makes for our family.

The things that work for us: My child is in preschool a few mornings per week. I love that I get to actually send him to a true preschool and not a daycare. He gets the play and learning in and then comes home for a nap and we have so much time together. I still have a biweekly cleaning lady. I will make any kind of sacrifice to never give her up. It helps me run my household with cheer. The fact that I never have to scrub my bathrooms, and only do daily maintenance is just fantastic.

DH still has his chores and tasks around the house. His domain is Yard, trash, appliance maintenance, anything having to do with cable/internet/phone, and home security. Also Drycleaning.

I run what we eat, what child and I wear, child's day to day activities, and classes, how our home is set up, mail management, daily cleaning and organization. I also run social calendar for DH and I and the child.

What we do together: financial planning, travel planning, big picture education decision making for the child, laundry.

Good luck finding your partner OP. I am sure someone is out there for you and you can have a great life!

Why do you think she's getting bad advice here bc she's biracial? We've listed EVERY kind of job where men want SAHWs from biglaw partners to drs. to military/foreign service to football coaches - not leaving any out bc she's half black. You act like we're saying -- oh you're half black, find yourself a rapper then.

[Anonymous]

I find this post really sad and depressing. It's like women have made no progress. I understand getting pregnant and then deciding with one's SO that it makes sense to dial back at work or take time off from work. But to actively seek this- just wow. There are no guarantees. What if your husband gets fired? Is abusive? Is infertile? Leaves you?