Are dead bedrooms inevitable?

[Anonymous]

My friends would never believe I was writing this, but desire does decrease and for me, I would have no problem with an open marriage rather than some bitter, empty bedroom scenario. I love him but would also like something different once in a while. The problem is inherent with the differences between men and women. I could easily find another man,, but although he is attractive it would be much harder for him to find a partner. So the imbalance kills putting this in motion. Though I would consider swinging with another couple in the same predicament.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friends would never believe I was writing this, but desire does decrease and for me, I would have no problem with an open marriage rather than some bitter, empty bedroom scenario. I love him but would also like something different once in a while. The problem is inherent with the differences between men and women. I could easily find another man,, but although he is attractive it would be much harder for him to find a partner. So the imbalance kills putting this in motion. Though I would consider swinging with another couple in the same predicament.

Your friends would totally believe it, because everything you said is 100% gospel truth. After 15 pages, several facts emerge:

1) sexual desire "for one another" decreases over time in long term relationships
2) women's baseline desire is low enough that once she's bored with husband, she is fine going without sex
3) men's baseline desire is high enough that he always wants sex even if that's with his boring wife
4) married women are more sexually attracted to random joes on the street than husband
5) married man has better odds with a random married woman versus his current wife
6) an open relationship may help but (if married) is MUCH easier for women to find partners
7) even though it's much more work for married men to find new partners, their high drive results in a lot more actual sex versus the woman who could instantly find sex but can't break away from her ipad long enough to bother

[Anonymous]

This is the most depressing thread I’ve read here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friends would never believe I was writing this, but desire does decrease and for me, I would have no problem with an open marriage rather than some bitter, empty bedroom scenario. I love him but would also like something different once in a while. The problem is inherent with the differences between men and women. I could easily find another man,, but although he is attractive it would be much harder for him to find a partner. So the imbalance kills putting this in motion. Though I would consider swinging with another couple in the same predicament.

Your friends would totally believe it, because everything you said is 100% gospel truth. After 15 pages, several facts emerge:

1) sexual desire "for one another" decreases over time in long term relationships AGREE
2) women's baseline desire is low enough that once she's bored with husband, she is fine going without sex AGREE. I didn't actually get bored, but rather angry and turned off
3) men's baseline desire is high enough that he always wants sex even if that's with his boring wife AGREE. DH seems to still want me.
4) married women are more sexually attracted to random joes on the street than husband DISAGREE. Random Joes? No. Not at all. The guy in my office I've become friendly with? Yes.
5) married man has better odds with a random married woman versus his current wife. PROBABLE
6) an open relationship may help but (if married) is MUCH easier for women to find partners NO CLUE
7) even though it's much more work for married men to find new partners, their high drive results in a lot more actual sex versus the woman who could instantly find sex but can't break away from her ipad long enough to bother INSTANTLY? Huh.

Married female here. I put in the bolded above. I'd like to add that DIVORCED men will find it much easier to find a new partner than a divorced woman.
The problem with swinging is that ... OK, this maybe is me being a jerk ... who would want to have sex with my husband but me? He's fat. Finding he right pair ... one of each that you each find attractive and vice verse ... must be difficult!