Are dead bedrooms inevitable?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just look at the posts of where women’s sex drive increased when they got divorced. There’s about s million of them.


I don’t see a way out of it. It seems like women are geared for excitement and there’s studies shown they’re more built for non-monogamy than males are as it’s an evolutionary thing.

Women are more likely to have affairs during certain times if the month and in all honestly cheat about as much as men do.

There are also plenty of women who are basically celebate after divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a woman I know there are lot's of things I know my husband could do to easily improve my desire, but he doesn't do any of them.

Don't try to turn me into your mom by acting helpless around the house and just grab me and start making out with me instead of weakly asking me if I want to have sex being at the top of the list.

I'm having trouble parsing this. The first part about not acting helpless and turning you into his mom makes sense. Just to be clear on the second -- you'd rather he just grab you and start making out with you rather than asking you if you want sex? Because, that sounds like a recipe for disaster if you're otherwise not into him (perhaps because he's been acting helpless or perhaps because you're having a bad day.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm guessing this decline in sexual interest for partnered women evolved from the benefit of not having too many babies too often. Once you lose your partner, you rev back up to get another one.

I agree. It's biology.

You are done once you have the babies. Unless of course you get a new partner... then you have to do it all over again.

[Anonymous]

I've been married 35 years and our bedroom is definitely not dead. We are both still physically attracted to one another and simply enjoy sex. We mix things up a bit to make sure its not same old same old and while I don't achieve an orgasm as often as I'd like when I do it's wonderful. I do a few special things I know my DH loves and I love knowing I can make him still lose it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been married 35 years and our bedroom is definitely not dead. We are both still physically attracted to one another and simply enjoy sex. We mix things up a bit to make sure its not same old same old and while I don't achieve an orgasm as often as I'd like when I do it's wonderful. I do a few special things I know my DH loves and I love knowing I can make him still lose it!

Yey!

[Anonymous]

I have a great husband, does a lot, cares about me, doesn't slack off. I STILL don't find sex with him interesting any longer. I do it -- very regularly! -- but the biological idea that women get bored and want somebody new more than men do resonates with me.

I'm happy in my marriage -- as a co parenting, co living situation. Do I find my husband attractive, sexy, interesting? No. But this is mostly not his fault.

[Anonymous]

There is a reason cohabitating couples have more and better sex.

Marriage is a deal breaker for men honestly. There’s no benefit. More and more it’s financial disaster and a dead sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a woman I know there are lot's of things I know my husband could do to easily improve my desire, but he doesn't do any of them.

Don't try to turn me into your mom by acting helpless around the house and just grab me and start making out with me instead of weakly asking me if I want to have sex being at the top of the list.

Did I post this without realizing? This is my situation to a T.

ditto. living with a useless, helpless slob who stares 10 hours a day at his iphone is NOT sexually attractive. he can't even hold a conversation any more, not with me nor his kids nor his/my parents!

It’s probably an escape from the miserable life he has with you.

Mm, see both sides. In the end, both sides should contribute happiness to each other, and meet in the middle.

[Anonymous]

Married over 30 years and very active, very attracted and both reach orgasm every time. Last night we got it on while our kids were downstairs watching a movie. We easily find time and it's hotter than ever. I would say the worst time sexually in our marriage was when the kids were toddlers, but we still managed 1-2 times/week. They are now MS age.

[Anonymous]

Husband does zero four play. He expects sex but won't give me a massage and doesn't have time to help me reach orgasm. He does nothing to help me around the house. He's never bought me flowers or birthday presents. I have no idea why we're still together. And btw, he insists on cosleeping with our toddler in between us at night! If I win the lottery tomorrow I'm out of here. I'll have tons of boyfriends but will never ever EVER get married again. Hell no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great husband, does a lot, cares about me, doesn't slack off. I STILL don't find sex with him interesting any longer. I do it -- very regularly! -- but the biological idea that women get bored and want somebody new more than men do resonates with me.

I'm happy in my marriage -- as a co parenting, co living situation. Do I find my husband attractive, sexy, interesting? No. But this is mostly not his fault.

Agreed. You could be my wife. Aside from me being a good partner and father, objectively, I am a "high value" male: ultra fit, top 1% income, lots of friends, other women show interest, etc. So I no longer take it personally that "she" does not find me sexy. It's not her fault, it is just how women are wired. Like you, we still have regular sex, and I graciously accept her "gift" since I still have an active interest in sex.

PP, is there anything your H could do to improve your desire? I would seriously consider issuing her permanent hall pass, it would be worth it if she would bring some of that excitement back into our bedroom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a great husband, does a lot, cares about me, doesn't slack off. I STILL don't find sex with him interesting any longer. I do it -- very regularly! -- but the biological idea that women get bored and want somebody new more than men do resonates with me.

I'm happy in my marriage -- as a co parenting, co living situation. Do I find my husband attractive, sexy, interesting? No. But this is mostly not his fault.

Agreed. You could be my wife. Aside from me being a good partner and father, objectively, I am a "high value" male: ultra fit, top 1% income, lots of friends, other women show interest, etc. So I no longer take it personally that "she" does not find me sexy. It's not her fault, it is just how women are wired. Like you, we still have regular sex, and I graciously accept her "gift" since I still have an active interest in sex.

PP, is there anything your H could do to improve your desire? I would seriously consider issuing her permanent hall pass, it would be worth it if she would bring some of that excitement back into our bedroom.

Forgot to add this important detail: our bedroom actually DID become dead at one point. It took me a few tries to clearly articulate the point that I would not stay married/faithful without a regular sex life. She suddenly "found" her libido, and we've been having regular sex for past several years. Her "sex drive" is therefore the desire to keep me as her (faithful) husband. I accept this, realizing that 99% of women would be just like her after a year together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married over 30 years and very active, very attracted and both reach orgasm every time. Last night we got it on while our kids were downstairs watching a movie. We easily find time and it's hotter than ever. I would say the worst time sexually in our marriage was when the kids were toddlers, but we still managed 1-2 times/week. They are now MS age.

That’s just it, you want to find the time, it’s worth it to you. For most women it isn’t a priority

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a great husband, does a lot, cares about me, doesn't slack off. I STILL don't find sex with him interesting any longer. I do it -- very regularly! -- but the biological idea that women get bored and want somebody new more than men do resonates with me.

I'm happy in my marriage -- as a co parenting, co living situation. Do I find my husband attractive, sexy, interesting? No. But this is mostly not his fault.

Heresy. I've been reading DCUM for a long time now, and have come to learn that lack of desire in a woman is always due to the man's failures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been with my husband for 19 years. I still have a very high libido. For me sex is a stress relief. All of the things that make some women say no, seem to make me say yes. I always feel better afterwards, even if it’s just a quick five minutes.

+1