Want to leave DH for lover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have been in a long term affair (3 years) with a wonderful man. He recently left his wife and wants to be with me "legitimately." I am so in love with him and very badly want to leave my DH. But I can't because my DH is a nice, loving partner. I just have no romantic feelings towards him and don't know that I ever really did. But that is another discussion and a mistake I made many moons ago. Also, I have kids. And while finances aren't an issue if we divorce, obviously it will tear their world apart going from a "seemingly" happy family to two houses.

Let this be a warning to others thinking about an affair, especially an emotional one (which most women seem to have), it isn't worth the heartache in the end. I am now keenly aware of what I'm missing and will miss my entire life. And for all those that say I'm just in the affair fog, nope, I'm not. I am not thinking all would be perfect with AP if we were "really" together, blending families would suck, learning to live with someone new would be annoying, etc.

You might as well divorce and give a life with the AP a try.

He is a ticking time bomb. He tore his marriage asunder to be with you. If you don't carry out your part of the bargain, this will be Fatal Attraction but with testosterone and revenge for ending his marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have been in a long term affair (3 years) with a wonderful man. He recently left his wife and wants to be with me "legitimately." I am so in love with him and very badly want to leave my DH. But I can't because my DH is a nice, loving partner. I just have no romantic feelings towards him and don't know that I ever really did. But that is another discussion and a mistake I made many moons ago. Also, I have kids. And while finances aren't an issue if we divorce, obviously it will tear their world apart going from a "seemingly" happy family to two houses.

Let this be a warning to others thinking about an affair, especially an emotional one (which most women seem to have), it isn't worth the heartache in the end. I am now keenly aware of what I'm missing and will miss my entire life. And for all those that say I'm just in the affair fog, nope, I'm not. I am not thinking all would be perfect with AP if we were "really" together, blending families would suck, learning to live with someone new would be annoying, etc.

You might as well divorce and give a life with the AP a try.

He is a ticking time bomb. He tore his marriage asunder to be with you. If you don't carry out your part of the bargain, this will be Fatal Attraction but with testosterone and revenge for ending his marriage.

LOL. this guy is a ticking time bomb....better just marry him!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you only live once and you need to live life for yourself. I would probably do it. How old are your kids?

And your kids only live once. You only get one shot to raise them.

It's not necessarily a better environment for the kids to grow up in a household where there is no romantic love between parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you only live once and you need to live life for yourself. I would probably do it. How old are your kids?

And your kids only live once. You only get one shot to raise them.

It's not necessarily a better environment for the kids to grow up in a household where there is no romantic love between parents.

Romantic love has never been viewed as a mandatory component for child-rearing until maybe seventy years ago. Parents who outlived romantic love are still raising functional children all over the world.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you only live once and you need to live life for yourself. I would probably do it. How old are your kids?

And your kids only live once. You only get one shot to raise them.

It's not necessarily a better environment for the kids to grow up in a household where there is no romantic love between parents.

If you think romantic love is a requirement for a marriage raising children you’re living in fantasy world. Sure some people get lucky, but marital love is not necessarily romantic love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may not marry a much younger woman. However, it is likely he will remarry.

OP - If you think that you are the best deal he will ever have, look at how you treated him and rethink that idea. If you think you are best looking woman he will ever have, then you have much bigger issues than the ones you have laid out on DCUM.

I don't think that at all. If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it. I wouldn't have been susceptible to someone else if my marriage was going well. He emotionally abandoned me and refused all my efforts to reconnect. He finally is trying, but for me it seems to be too late.

OP, I don't think you're the devil. I don't envy your position at all. Very different situation, but I found myself in love with a married man (he was 26 and I was 22 and no kids were involved) and I know this situation is nowhere near as cut and dry as people on DCUM want to make it out. We tried everything we could to end it, but it was a force bigger than us. It's 13 years later and we are very happily married with a child. It took both of us many years to recover from the extremely difficult situation we met in. He was wracked with guilt and so was I. Very few people know the truth about how my husband and I met, but we are good and decent people with a happy family. Also, through social media we know that his ex-wife remarried with a child of her own.

I'm not saying you should stay or you should go. As a mother, and as a child who grew up in an unstable home, I worry about your children. But, as a person, I know that we are all human. Life is rich and complicated and complex. This is a big decision and I wish you strength.

[Anonymous]

This is great. We have the OP and NP trying to blame anything or anyone other then themselves for their affairs.

Very different situation, but I found myself in love with a married man (he was 26 and I was 22 and no kids were involved) and I know this situation is nowhere near as cut and dry as people on DCUM want to make it out. We tried everything we could to end it, but it was a force bigger than us.

You "found" yourself in love with a married man? Where you lost and magically found yourself waking up in his bed (when his wife was not around)? Nope. You "found" this guy and boinked him while he was married. A "force bigger than" the two of you pushed you together? What, the Redskins offensive line pushed you into his arms and him out of his marriage? The only force around was the "boinking" force employed when you were his side piece.

If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it.

He has not been perfect? It might be hard to be a perfect husband while your wife is boinking her AP and thinking about leaving you. You say you are not the devil we want you to be. What you mean is that you did not expect to have posters call you out on your infidelity and the pathetic defense of it (i.e., because he was far from perfect it is fine to cheat.) Your AP had the right idea. Cut ties with the family you are lying to, grow up, and let your husband find someone who cares about him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is great. We have the OP and NP trying to blame anything or anyone other then themselves for their affairs.

Very different situation, but I found myself in love with a married man (he was 26 and I was 22 and no kids were involved) and I know this situation is nowhere near as cut and dry as people on DCUM want to make it out. We tried everything we could to end it, but it was a force bigger than us.

You "found" yourself in love with a married man? Where you lost and magically found yourself waking up in his bed (when his wife was not around)? Nope. You "found" this guy and boinked him while he was married. A "force bigger than" the two of you pushed you together? What, the Redskins offensive line pushed you into his arms and him out of his marriage? The only force around was the "boinking" force employed when you were his side piece.

If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it.

He has not been perfect? It might be hard to be a perfect husband while your wife is boinking her AP and thinking about leaving you. You say you are not the devil we want you to be. What you mean is that you did not expect to have posters call you out on your infidelity and the pathetic defense of it (i.e., because he was far from perfect it is fine to cheat.) Your AP had the right idea. Cut ties with the family you are lying to, grow up, and let your husband find someone who cares about him.

+ 1000

NP, you are not good and decent people. Talk to me when his XW characterizes you as such.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is great. We have the OP and NP trying to blame anything or anyone other then themselves for their affairs.

Very different situation, but I found myself in love with a married man (he was 26 and I was 22 and no kids were involved) and I know this situation is nowhere near as cut and dry as people on DCUM want to make it out. We tried everything we could to end it, but it was a force bigger than us.

You "found" yourself in love with a married man? Where you lost and magically found yourself waking up in his bed (when his wife was not around)? Nope. You "found" this guy and boinked him while he was married. A "force bigger than" the two of you pushed you together? What, the Redskins offensive line pushed you into his arms and him out of his marriage? The only force around was the "boinking" force employed when you were his side piece.

If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it.

He has not been perfect? It might be hard to be a perfect husband while your wife is boinking her AP and thinking about leaving you. You say you are not the devil we want you to be. What you mean is that you did not expect to have posters call you out on your infidelity and the pathetic defense of it (i.e., because he was far from perfect it is fine to cheat.) Your AP had the right idea. Cut ties with the family you are lying to, grow up, and let your husband find someone who cares about him.

+ 1000

NP, you are not good and decent people. Talk to me when his XW characterizes you as such.

I actually do agree with all of this. The myth that falling in love is completely out of your control is just that - a myth. Yes, you may not be able to fully control who you ending up falling in love with, but you can absolutely control the positions you put yourself in that provide the circumstances for falling in love. You found yourself in love with a guy? That doesn't happen over night. You were actively engaging with him, meeting up, being a part of an affair when you "found yourself" in love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is great. We have the OP and NP trying to blame anything or anyone other then themselves for their affairs.

Very different situation, but I found myself in love with a married man (he was 26 and I was 22 and no kids were involved) and I know this situation is nowhere near as cut and dry as people on DCUM want to make it out. We tried everything we could to end it, but it was a force bigger than us.

You "found" yourself in love with a married man? Where you lost and magically found yourself waking up in his bed (when his wife was not around)? Nope. You "found" this guy and boinked him while he was married. A "force bigger than" the two of you pushed you together? What, the Redskins offensive line pushed you into his arms and him out of his marriage? The only force around was the "boinking" force employed when you were his side piece.

If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it.

He has not been perfect? It might be hard to be a perfect husband while your wife is boinking her AP and thinking about leaving you. You say you are not the devil we want you to be. What you mean is that you did not expect to have posters call you out on your infidelity and the pathetic defense of it (i.e., because he was far from perfect it is fine to cheat.) Your AP had the right idea. Cut ties with the family you are lying to, grow up, and let your husband find someone who cares about him.

+ 1000

NP, you are not good and decent people. Talk to me when his XW characterizes you as such.

I actually do agree with all of this. The myth that falling in love is completely out of your control is just that - a myth. Yes, you may not be able to fully control who you ending up falling in love with, but you can absolutely control the positions you put yourself in that provide the circumstances for falling in love. You found yourself in love with a guy? That doesn't happen over night. You were actively engaging with him, meeting up, being a part of an affair when you "found yourself" in love.

So, just permanently as a general statement we are both no longer good or decent people? For something both of us struggled with 15 years ago? Something that we did as honorably as possible? There was no sex. His ex wife did not find out and they divorced before we pursued our relationship. I mean it obviously wasn’t a meaningless fling just to ruin someone’s life. We are still together and have built a family.

Do you know how many people you are morally condemning as bad people, including many you know? Life is not black and white. My experience taught me not to judge so harshly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is great. We have the OP and NP trying to blame anything or anyone other then themselves for their affairs.

Very different situation, but I found myself in love with a married man (he was 26 and I was 22 and no kids were involved) and I know this situation is nowhere near as cut and dry as people on DCUM want to make it out. We tried everything we could to end it, but it was a force bigger than us.

You "found" yourself in love with a married man? Where you lost and magically found yourself waking up in his bed (when his wife was not around)? Nope. You "found" this guy and boinked him while he was married. A "force bigger than" the two of you pushed you together? What, the Redskins offensive line pushed you into his arms and him out of his marriage? The only force around was the "boinking" force employed when you were his side piece.

If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it.

He has not been perfect? It might be hard to be a perfect husband while your wife is boinking her AP and thinking about leaving you. You say you are not the devil we want you to be. What you mean is that you did not expect to have posters call you out on your infidelity and the pathetic defense of it (i.e., because he was far from perfect it is fine to cheat.) Your AP had the right idea. Cut ties with the family you are lying to, grow up, and let your husband find someone who cares about him.

+ 1000

NP, you are not good and decent people. Talk to me when his XW characterizes you as such.

I actually do agree with all of this. The myth that falling in love is completely out of your control is just that - a myth. Yes, you may not be able to fully control who you ending up falling in love with, but you can absolutely control the positions you put yourself in that provide the circumstances for falling in love. You found yourself in love with a guy? That doesn't happen over night. You were actively engaging with him, meeting up, being a part of an affair when you "found yourself" in love.

So, just permanently as a general statement we are both no longer good or decent people? For something both of us struggled with 15 years ago? Something that we did as honorably as possible? There was no sex. His ex wife did not find out and they divorced before we pursued our relationship. I mean it obviously wasn’t a meaningless fling just to ruin someone’s life. We are still together and have built a family.

Do you know how many people you are morally condemning as bad people, including many you know? Life is not black and white. My experience taught me not to judge so harshly.

Yup. Not good people. People like you cling desperately to that "life's not black and white" idea to get through your lives AND to feel superior (LOL). Guess what. Right and wrong exists. Just because you have no moral courage doesn't mean: oh gee everything is ok because gosh we just can't judge another's FOO issues or disadvantages or genetic predispositions....We can judge. Some things are not OK. Some people hurt other people for their own gains. You and your husband are two of those people. You're concerned with all the people we're condemning? How about all the people who live their lives honestly and fairly each day? They're not tempted to take the easy way out, to live dishonestly to gain advantage? You're insulting what it means to live with integrity when you claim you're a good person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

That scares you? Yea, I proudly want to be with my children for every single Christmas morning, birthday, and every other special time in their childhood. I would bot jeopardize that for any man, even omenwitha golden magical dick. Everything I do is to for my children. The income i earn, the home we live in, the meals we cook, the vacations we take, the schools they go to, the security of our home, kids profoundly changed my life in a wonderful way.

Yea, scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

That scares you? Yea, I proudly want to be with my children for every single Christmas morning, birthday, and every other special time in their childhood. I would bot jeopardize that for any man, even omenwitha golden magical dick. Everything I do is to for my children. The income i earn, the home we live in, the meals we cook, the vacations we take, the schools they go to, the security of our home, kids profoundly changed my life in a wonderful way.

Yea, scary.

getting scarier

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

That scares you? Yea, I proudly want to be with my children for every single Christmas morning, birthday, and every other special time in their childhood. I would bot jeopardize that for any man, even omenwitha golden magical dick. Everything I do is to for my children. The income i earn, the home we live in, the meals we cook, the vacations we take, the schools they go to, the security of our home, kids profoundly changed my life in a wonderful way.

Yea, scary.

getting scarier

Yea, terrifying.

[Anonymous]

Well he was cheating bis wife with you. Who says he will not do it to you? My cousin is a manwhore, hes been married 2 times and cheated his wives, and cheats his gf with an ex gf, viceversa, i dont know what they see on him. I woukd never beg on any man, if hes not mature, ready for commitment then move on.