Want to leave DH for lover

[Anonymous]

So, according to all of you who are judging OP, when is it okay to leave a marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, according to all of you who are judging OP, when is it okay to leave a marriage?

There's a process.

Unhappy with the marriage? Your next steps are to inform your partner and try to work on it together. If that doesn't work, bring in the professionals. If THAT doesn't work, retain a divorce attorney and separate. THEN you are allowed to see other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.

[Anonymous]

Do it. You deserve the misery and heartache you put the spouses through. I would say good luck but I'm pretty sure you and or your playmate will cheat again.

A friend of mine was killed by her husband when he found out about her side piece.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.

You clearly have been cheated on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.

I worked as a social worker at a family crisis center and I can't tell you how many times Ive seen this. The person having an affair is so blind to the fact they are unable to emotionally connect with their spouse because they pour all their energy into their fair partner. Its painful to see someone not see something so obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.

I worked as a social worker at a family crisis center and I can't tell you how many times Ive seen this. The person having an affair is so blind to the fact they are unable to emotionally connect with their spouse because they pour all their energy into their fair partner. Its painful to see someone not see something so obvious.

Yup. OP has made and continues to make bad decisions. I dont think she will realize the above until shes divorced and AP isnt what she hoped for

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Of course you can't, because in most marriages, spouses' feelings for each other change over time. If you start a new life with your AP, your feelings for him will probably morph over time too. What are you going to do then? Have another affair and leave him, too?

Look, unless you and DH are fighting all the time, or something happened to erode your trust in him, or he is abusive or an addict or something else that would warrant a divorce, you seem to think YOUR feelings should trump everyone else's. I personally could not inflict the kind of instability that comes with divorce onto my children unless it was absolutely necessary for our physical or emotional health and safety.

[Anonymous]

What's your plan when you find out how much the kids love their new step mom?
How are you going to deal with only being able to see your kids on Christmas every other year.
How about when all you get to do is call them on their birthday (maybe) and not see them
What are you going to tell them when they ask why YOU left the family?
What's your plan when they get a little older and decide they want to live with Daddy full time?

[Anonymous]

OP, it’s OK for you to leave. You will see your kids 50 percent of the time, and you may be happy with your AP.

But it’s not OK to stay and keep this from your husband because you selfishly want your kids full-time.

If you want to stay, you must tell your husband. He will probably throw you out when you tell him. So just leave because of “irreconcilable differences”, split everything in half, and go be with your AP.

Easy peasy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:oh please, the fun romance will die off once you have lived together for a few years

grow up

Yes, if you lived full time with him, you would get tired of cleaning up after him and managing the social calendar for him too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.

You clearly have been cheated on.

No, I haven't, as far as I know! This just seems like common sense. How are you supposed to re-commit to your spouse in the middle of an affair with another person?? But it does drive me nuts how people are completely passive and act like they have no control over their emotions whatsoever. You are an adult, and you don't have to follow your feelings around like a stupid puppy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:oh please, the fun romance will die off once you have lived together for a few years

grow up

Believe me, I am grown up. And I'm not saying their is lots of romance now between me and AP. But, I am an adult and know the difference between romantic love and platonic love. Why is it so hard to believe that someone can truly fall in love with someone else when they are married?

I think the thing is...you fell in "romantic love" with your husband at one point, right?
The fact about grass growing where it is watered is a true one

[Anonymous]

Easy until one of them becomes bored and cheats again