Want to leave DH for lover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

I'd rather be a housewife than a home wrecker- any day of the week. Good luck to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Those feelings are not coming back because you are having an affair and you are stopping those feelings from coming back as a way to justify your affair. This is all on you, not the feelings fairy who is refusing to cooperate.

Stick in a fork in him, he’s done. Read “Not Jist Froends”. When a woman has an affair and is emotionally attached to the OP, it’s cirtains for her husband. It will be a very, very long time before she will begin to feel for him - of ever. Women are fickle creatures. Once he finds out, chances are he’ll move on as guys don’t forgive affairs as easily.

If he has any dignity or is half a man, he’ll leave her and move on with life. It’s hard but better than staying with a whore.

[Anonymous]

Get it, girl!

[Anonymous]

Best to leave. If your DH knew, would he leave you? You are not doing anybody any favors by staying married. No yourself, your kids, your husband, your lover. Even if the AP doesn't work out, it is best to leave. You already left basically. As for kids, my mom didn't cheat, but stayed in an unhappy marriage, and now decades alter, I have to listen to her tell me that she stayed because of me(somehow it is always me, never my sister...??) and while I have a good relationship with my mom on the surface, I really dislike her and all the emotional damage she has done to me. I advise that first you work on yourself and your own happiness, on your own, as only then can you be a positive influence on your kids. Men come and go, but your kids are yours forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's your plan when you find out how much the kids love their new step mom?
How are you going to deal with only being able to see your kids on Christmas every other year.
How about when all you get to do is call them on their birthday (maybe) and not see them
What are you going to tell them when they ask why YOU left the family?
What's your plan when they get a little older and decide they want to live with Daddy full time?

Op. Think about all this

[Anonymous]

He gets the last laugh when he marries the hot 25 year version of you

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He gets the last laugh when he marries the hot 25 year version of you

Which will happen never.

[Anonymous]

He may not marry a much younger woman. However, it is likely he will remarry.

OP - If you think that you are the best deal he will ever have, look at how you treated him and rethink that idea. If you think you are best looking woman he will ever have, then you have much bigger issues than the ones you have laid out on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This seems incredibly selfish. You're willing to blow up your entire family for this. You admit that your DH is a "nice, loving partner" yet you are willing to throw him to the curb for someone else. Did you even try improving your own marriage or work on your own issues before going out and finding someone else? Marriage is not all sunshine and roses all of the time. You made a commitment and frankly, it sounds like your marriage isn't even bad. You just sound like an immature, bored housewife.

I am definitely not a housewife. And yes, we did work on our problems and went to counseling. Unfortunately for me it seems it was too late. I can't get those feelings back for him.

Of course you can't, because in most marriages, spouses' feelings for each other change over time. If you start a new life with your AP, your feelings for him will probably morph over time too. What are you going to do then? Have another affair and leave him, too?

Look, unless you and DH are fighting all the time, or something happened to erode your trust in him, or he is abusive or an addict or something else that would warrant a divorce, you seem to think YOUR feelings should trump everyone else's. I personally could not inflict the kind of instability that comes with divorce onto my children unless it was absolutely necessary for our physical or emotional health and safety.

+1 Have to agree with this. OP, you may feel passion and euphoria with your AP now, but it's also because you don't currently live with your AP or have a child with him. The drudgery of everyday life and living together, especially parenting together, can kill romance and passion.

It's one thing if you and your DH can't get along, always fighting, etc.. but if you realize he's a good guy, and this is just about how you "feel", then you really need to take those rose colored glasses off and think about what this will mean for your kids' futures, and what will happen if your AP turns out to be a "bad" husband? You are not 15. You are a grown up. You have to know that passion fades in any marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Life is short, I would leave. Lots of kids have divorced parents.

+1

-1 This is partly why our society is going down the tubes. OH, it's ok, just do what you want, screw the kids.

My 8 yr old DD came home the other day really sad because she said her friend's parents were divorcing and her friend is really really sad. Divorcing due to abuse is one thing, doing so just because I want what I want and screw what my kids need? Wow, pretty selfish.

OTH, her DH may decide to divorce her anyways for her infidelity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He may not marry a much younger woman. However, it is likely he will remarry.

OP - If you think that you are the best deal he will ever have, look at how you treated him and rethink that idea. If you think you are best looking woman he will ever have, then you have much bigger issues than the ones you have laid out on DCUM.

I don't think that at all. If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it. I wouldn't have been susceptible to someone else if my marriage was going well. He emotionally abandoned me and refused all my efforts to reconnect. He finally is trying, but for me it seems to be too late.

[Anonymous]

You're trash

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may not marry a much younger woman. However, it is likely he will remarry.

OP - If you think that you are the best deal he will ever have, look at how you treated him and rethink that idea. If you think you are best looking woman he will ever have, then you have much bigger issues than the ones you have laid out on DCUM.

I don't think that at all. If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it. I wouldn't have been susceptible to someone else if my marriage was going well. He emotionally abandoned me and refused all my efforts to reconnect. He finally is trying, but for me it seems to be too late.

"But I can't because my DH is a nice, loving partner."

Sounds like yo are trying to spin it into your favor for leaving now that you have heard mostly negative responses

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He may not marry a much younger woman. However, it is likely he will remarry.

OP - If you think that you are the best deal he will ever have, look at how you treated him and rethink that idea. If you think you are best looking woman he will ever have, then you have much bigger issues than the ones you have laid out on DCUM.

I don't think that at all. If we split, I would want only happiness for him. If it is with someone younger and prettier, that is fine. So long as she makes him happy and is good to my kids. I am not the devil that you all want to make me out to be. And he hasn't been perfect, far from it. I wouldn't have been susceptible to someone else if my marriage was going well. He emotionally abandoned me and refused all my efforts to reconnect. He finally is trying, but for me it seems to be too late.

"But I can't because my DH is a nice, loving partner."

Sounds like yo are trying to spin it into your favor for leaving now that you have heard mostly negative responses

+1

Lol. The bar for how bad a marriage needs to be before someone may cheat is always conveniently set by the charter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He gets the last laugh when he marries the hot 25 year version of you

Which will happen never.

This happens more often for men then women. Especially if the man makes more than $175k