Want to leave DH for lover

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't tell you how bad it sucked to share every single holiday and life event splint into two. Every major event became exhausting and over stimulating for me and by the time I was 18 I barely came around for any holiday for a good 5 years. I was so so drained. I was 8 when my parents divorced. Just because its rapidly common doesn't mean its ok or your kids won't suffer.

That must have been hard for you, but would you want to know that your parents stayed together unhappily so that you could enjoy holidays a bit more? I know it wasn't just the holidays and I don't mean to diminish, but you get my point.
My parents also divorced and although that was difficult I would not have expected or wanted for them to stay together 'for me'. I'm still happily married (as far as I know!) but I also wouldn't my spouse to stay if he didn't want to be there.

My parents are still together. They fought a lot when I was a child, and my dad constantly demeaned my mom. It was a bad way to grow up, and it offered me a bad model of a marriage.

DP.. but OP's marriage doesn't sound like this. I too grew up just like you PP, but doesn't sound like this is anything like OP's marriage. Stop projecting.

We don't know what the problems are in OP's marriage. I'm no more projecting than the PPs with their sob stories about being a child of divorce.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

Not to mention super unhealthy for the kids.

Oh give it a rest Joan Crawford.

My parents were devoted to us kids and we grew up in a home where were were loved, our world was secure, and beyond a doubt our parents revolved around us. All 4 of us kids have healthy marriages and we are all very tight with our parents and each other. My parents are amazing grandparents to their 11 grandkids. I couldn't dream up a better childhood and start in life.

My favorite time of year always is November -December when all 6 of us (now 21 with families) are back under my parents roof. The home is filled with love, it is great to be back in our childhood home making more memories.

My siblings and I have talked about it at length. When our parents get too old to care for themselves there is no way in hell they will go into a assisted living home. We will care for them and their end days just as well as they cared for us when raising us. I'm going to really freak you out, my mom and my sister and I get on a 3 way call at least once a week and shoot the shit and on top of that I text or talk to my parents every single day.

Maybe I should get counseling for how unhealthy my childhood was. I feel so left out that my marriage isnt falling apart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

Not to mention super unhealthy for the kids.

Oh give it a rest Joan Crawford.

My parents were devoted to us kids and we grew up in a home where were were loved, our world was secure, and beyond a doubt our parents revolved around us. All 4 of us kids have healthy marriages and we are all very tight with our parents and each other. My parents are amazing grandparents to their 11 grandkids. I couldn't dream up a better childhood and start in life.

My favorite time of year always is November -December when all 6 of us (now 21 with families) are back under my parents roof. The home is filled with love, it is great to be back in our childhood home making more memories.

My siblings and I have talked about it at length. When our parents get too old to care for themselves there is no way in hell they will go into a assisted living home. We will care for them and their end days just as well as they cared for us when raising us. I'm going to really freak you out, my mom and my sister and I get on a 3 way call at least once a week and shoot the shit and on top of that I text or talk to my parents every single day.

Maybe I should get counseling for how unhealthy my childhood was. I feel so left out that my marriage isnt falling apart.

Well, congrats on the perfect little idyllic life. Please remember us little people when Hallmark Channel options your life story.

(Ever wonder why you're not doing MORE, given how many advantages you've had in life?)

My parents thought I was their life. They would basically stalk my every move. Read my diaries. Drive past my friends' houses when I was there. They smothered me. Parents need their own lives, not dependent on their children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

Not to mention super unhealthy for the kids.

Oh give it a rest Joan Crawford.

My parents were devoted to us kids and we grew up in a home where were were loved, our world was secure, and beyond a doubt our parents revolved around us. All 4 of us kids have healthy marriages and we are all very tight with our parents and each other. My parents are amazing grandparents to their 11 grandkids. I couldn't dream up a better childhood and start in life.

My favorite time of year always is November -December when all 6 of us (now 21 with families) are back under my parents roof. The home is filled with love, it is great to be back in our childhood home making more memories.

My siblings and I have talked about it at length. When our parents get too old to care for themselves there is no way in hell they will go into a assisted living home. We will care for them and their end days just as well as they cared for us when raising us. I'm going to really freak you out, my mom and my sister and I get on a 3 way call at least once a week and shoot the shit and on top of that I text or talk to my parents every single day.

Maybe I should get counseling for how unhealthy my childhood was. I feel so left out that my marriage isnt falling apart.

Dude!! +1 to literally almost all of this. Particularly the October-November part...that made me smile

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

Not to mention super unhealthy for the kids.

Oh give it a rest Joan Crawford.

My parents were devoted to us kids and we grew up in a home where were were loved, our world was secure, and beyond a doubt our parents revolved around us. All 4 of us kids have healthy marriages and we are all very tight with our parents and each other. My parents are amazing grandparents to their 11 grandkids. I couldn't dream up a better childhood and start in life.

My favorite time of year always is November -December when all 6 of us (now 21 with families) are back under my parents roof. The home is filled with love, it is great to be back in our childhood home making more memories.

My siblings and I have talked about it at length. When our parents get too old to care for themselves there is no way in hell they will go into a assisted living home. We will care for them and their end days just as well as they cared for us when raising us. I'm going to really freak you out, my mom and my sister and I get on a 3 way call at least once a week and shoot the shit and on top of that I text or talk to my parents every single day.

Maybe I should get counseling for how unhealthy my childhood was. I feel so left out that my marriage isnt falling apart.

I am sure your parents had problems at some point but it shows the strength of their character that they prioritized their family.

My parents had a horrible marriage. I often wondered why my dad didn't leave. He told me once when I was in hs that he stayed married and put up with it for us kids. As a teenager I don't think I wpuld have blamed him. Now as an adult I see what a great man my dad was. He knew if he divorced her it would be even worse for us kids. He beared it for us. That is what a good parent does. I learned a lot from his choices and that is that children come before a parent's selfish desire.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

That's scary.

Not to mention super unhealthy for the kids.

Oh give it a rest Joan Crawford.

My parents were devoted to us kids and we grew up in a home where were were loved, our world was secure, and beyond a doubt our parents revolved around us. All 4 of us kids have healthy marriages and we are all very tight with our parents and each other. My parents are amazing grandparents to their 11 grandkids. I couldn't dream up a better childhood and start in life.

My favorite time of year always is November -December when all 6 of us (now 21 with families) are back under my parents roof. The home is filled with love, it is great to be back in our childhood home making more memories.

My siblings and I have talked about it at length. When our parents get too old to care for themselves there is no way in hell they will go into a assisted living home. We will care for them and their end days just as well as they cared for us when raising us. I'm going to really freak you out, my mom and my sister and I get on a 3 way call at least once a week and shoot the shit and on top of that I text or talk to my parents every single day.

Maybe I should get counseling for how unhealthy my childhood was. I feel so left out that my marriage isnt falling apart.

I am sure your parents had problems at some point but it shows the strength of their character that they prioritized their family.

My parents had a horrible marriage. I often wondered why my dad didn't leave. He told me once when I was in hs that he stayed married and put up with it for us kids. As a teenager I don't think I wpuld have blamed him. Now as an adult I see what a great man my dad was. He knew if he divorced her it would be even worse for us kids. He beared it for us. That is what a good parent does. I learned a lot from his choices and that is that children come before a parent's selfish desire.

I'm sure your dad feels his painful sacrifices were worthwhile. They seem to have made you happy.

[Anonymous]

blah blah blah blah blah. Also, I have kids. blah blah blah blah blah.


Pathetic.

[Anonymous]

I applaud you for sharing your story and caring enough about others to warn them about the slippery slope of starting an affair. I too had an emotional affair long before I even knew there was such a thing. It was incredibly!!! painful for me to break it off, I too was married with children. When I look back now I am so thankful that it didn’t go any further. I, like you, was aware that the newness would wear off and I truly loved him but nothing and no one was worth hurting and breaking my family up over. Have you considered a date night with your nice and loving partner? What about a marriage retreat or talking to a local pastor or counselor? My husband and I talked to our pastor and saw a Christian counselor. Both offered good, sound advice and were very helpful!! to us. Maybe one of those can help you and your husband also. You are not alone! I will be praying for you, for your love for your husband to be restored. Big hug!

[Anonymous]

I can't believe OPs affair partners farts smell so much better than her husbands do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe OPs affair partners farts smell so much better than her husbands do.

Believe it. They sparkle, too.

[Anonymous]

Just think how awful it is going to be at all the events and people saying, yep there she is the slut who left her family for ol what's his name who ran off with another women after he was done with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I could NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS become a weekend or part time parent. My love for my children and desire to wake up with them every single morning and tuck them in every single night would always far outweigh my desire for romance.

I hear what you are saying OP and i think monogamy crushes the spirit, but my kids are really my life. No way in hell would I compromise that.

My mom found love at 60. If i decided i was truly missing out on passion and needed it to complete my life, Id wait until the kids were done with college. I couldn't even fathom sharing holidays. Nope nope nope.

This is exactly how I feel! I had developed feelings for a co-worker and lived through the misery of it for a whole year. And then I emerged on the other side.
And then, my husband decided he wanted out. Totally sidelined!

So I suppose there is only so much you can control, but it's ultimately about what you think is best and what you can live with. For some, thinking they should be with someone else, and living a happier life is a responsibility towards one's children too, and that's fair. For me, I would have preferred working on keeping the family intact, but who knows.

OP, I could have been you, but for the grace of whatever. As it were, I'm now more in your husband's position. I hope you two can make sure your kids know it's not their fault and that you both love them more than anything, regardless of what you decide is the best thing to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just think how awful it is going to be at all the events and people saying, yep there she is the slut who left her family for ol what's his name who ran off with another women after he was done with her.

Seriously, Who cares about those people????

[cba]

A few thoughts from a relatively new poster:

OP - Thank you for sharing your story. I appreciate it. I know it's one of the toughest decisions you'll ever have to make. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best.

Also thank you for all of the points and counterpoints that were shared. There were several excellent, thought-provoking comments shared that helped me see my own situation in a different light.

And to all of the haters who've replied with judgmental/hateful comments - why do you intentionally take time to put down people you don't know? If you can't say anything nice...