Considering Divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

Now I know you don't know what you're talking about. Look. All things being equal, no woman wants a man with outside commitments. She may never tell you to your face, but if there was a button she could press to make kids disappear and make her now-DH into a never-married man before they met, she would run to press it. Given a choice, she would rather NOT have her new family budget damaged by child support, she would rather not have kids (who resent her) impose on their time, she would most certainly not want to go to sweaty, crowded Disneyland. No one goes to Disneyland except for the kids, and now she has to suffer this indignity for children who aren't hers.

Also, 8 years younger? That's not really a "younger woman". I mean, my DH is 7 years older and I don't think of him as an older man. Within ten years, you are of the same age group. I thought you meant an actual younger woman.

And that woman? She doesn't love the kids. All things equal, she would prefer they do not exist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

taketothebank wrote:

Exactly my thoughts. What a horrible way to label children. They are people, with hearts and feelings. How dare you call them baggage!!!! What a jerk.

Call them whatever you want,

How about calling them children? The other posters are correct. Calling children baggage is horrible.

"Baggage" is shorthand for "a huge, multi-year emotional and financial burden that you should think very carefully before you assume and needn't feel bad if you'd rather not do so".

Calling them "children" in an effort to sugar-coat this fact and to make people feel bad if they don't want to assume that burden is stupid and mendacious.

+10000. All the feigned outrage by these sheltered bitches. Im sure none of whom have actually been divorced with multiple kids and so couldnt possibly understand how there little snowflakes could be thought of as anything but a snowflake by anyone. Get divorced and see what the dating pool is for a 40's-50's women with 3 Kids. Why would any established man date you old horses when he could date a younger, hotter women with no kids, ie, no (gasp) baggage??

Why do you think kids magically stop being "baggage" if they are the man's kids? Why would a younger, hotter woman want a man with baggage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

taketothebank wrote:

Exactly my thoughts. What a horrible way to label children. They are people, with hearts and feelings. How dare you call them baggage!!!! What a jerk.

Call them whatever you want,

How about calling them children? The other posters are correct. Calling children baggage is horrible.

"Baggage" is shorthand for "a huge, multi-year emotional and financial burden that you should think very carefully before you assume and needn't feel bad if you'd rather not do so".

Calling them "children" in an effort to sugar-coat this fact and to make people feel bad if they don't want to assume that burden is stupid and mendacious.

+10000. All the feigned outrage by these sheltered bitches. Im sure none of whom have actually been divorced with multiple kids and so couldnt possibly understand how there little snowflakes could be thought of as anything but a snowflake by anyone. Get divorced and see what the dating pool is for a 40's-50's women with 3 Kids. Why would any established man date you old horses when he could date a younger, hotter women with no kids, ie, no (gasp) baggage??

Why do you think kids magically stop being "baggage" if they are the man's kids? Why would a younger, hotter woman want a man with baggage?

Many don't, you are absolutely right. And that's a tough pill to swallow. But its the reality of the situation. My point is that it sucks to be divorced with 3 kids - not saying you shouldnt do it, not saying there are not success stories, just saying it sucks and its enormously painful. And the dating pool for both men and women in that situation is far smaller than for those who have no kids or maybe have 1 kid bc a lot of people (more men than women) will not date a person in that situation. Maybe bc men assume that its the women who will actually be the raising the kids (have no time for relationship) and the ex wont be in the pic that much. People with no kids who are dating generally think of people who have kids who are dating as having baggage - not all of them and they may not put it that way, but in their minds that is what most of them think - the kids, the ex = baggage. Its hurtful when you first hear it, but its the reality of the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

Now I know you don't know what you're talking about. Look. All things being equal, no woman wants a man with outside commitments. She may never tell you to your face, but if there was a button she could press to make kids disappear and make her now-DH into a never-married man before they met, she would run to press it. Given a choice, she would rather NOT have her new family budget damaged by child support, she would rather not have kids (who resent her) impose on their time, she would most certainly not want to go to sweaty, crowded Disneyland. No one goes to Disneyland except for the kids, and now she has to suffer this indignity for children who aren't hers.

Also, 8 years younger? That's not really a "younger woman". I mean, my DH is 7 years older and I don't think of him as an older man. Within ten years, you are of the same age group. I thought you meant an actual younger woman.

And that woman? She doesn't love the kids. All things equal, she would prefer they do not exist.

+ 100000. Its mind numbing how out of touch with reality people are on here. They need a good, old-fashioned messy divorce so they can actually LIVE the dynamics they are opining about w/no personal experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

Now I know you don't know what you're talking about. Look. All things being equal, no woman wants a man with outside commitments. She may never tell you to your face, but if there was a button she could press to make kids disappear and make her now-DH into a never-married man before they met, she would run to press it. Given a choice, she would rather NOT have her new family budget damaged by child support, she would rather not have kids (who resent her) impose on their time, she would most certainly not want to go to sweaty, crowded Disneyland. No one goes to Disneyland except for the kids, and now she has to suffer this indignity for children who aren't hers.

Also, 8 years younger? That's not really a "younger woman". I mean, my DH is 7 years older and I don't think of him as an older man. Within ten years, you are of the same age group. I thought you meant an actual younger woman.

And that woman? She doesn't love the kids. All things equal, she would prefer they do not exist.

+ 100000. Its mind numbing how out of touch with reality people are on here. They need a good, old-fashioned messy divorce so they can actually LIVE the dynamics they are opining about w/no personal experience.

+++++ the kids would run faster to push a button to make her disappear.... even if they are happier with their parents not fighting anymore the kids do not want some stranger living in their home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

taketothebank wrote:

Exactly my thoughts. What a horrible way to label children. They are people, with hearts and feelings. How dare you call them baggage!!!! What a jerk.

Call them whatever you want,

How about calling them children? The other posters are correct. Calling children baggage is horrible.

"Baggage" is shorthand for "a huge, multi-year emotional and financial burden that you should think very carefully before you assume and needn't feel bad if you'd rather not do so".

Calling them "children" in an effort to sugar-coat this fact and to make people feel bad if they don't want to assume that burden is stupid and mendacious.

+10000. All the feigned outrage by these sheltered bitches. Im sure none of whom have actually been divorced with multiple kids and so couldnt possibly understand how there little snowflakes could be thought of as anything but a snowflake by anyone. Get divorced and see what the dating pool is for a 40's-50's women with 3 Kids. Why would any established man date you old horses when he could date a younger, hotter women with no kids, ie, no (gasp) baggage??

*their. Idiot

Exactly. Plus calling women "bitches" and "old horses." Then calling children "baggage" and claiming that women with children can't get remarried.

This is a dangerous person.

OMG. He just called us bitches and old horses!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

Now I know you don't know what you're talking about. Look. All things being equal, no woman wants a man with outside commitments. She may never tell you to your face, but if there was a button she could press to make kids disappear and make her now-DH into a never-married man before they met, she would run to press it. Given a choice, she would rather NOT have her new family budget damaged by child support, she would rather not have kids (who resent her) impose on their time, she would most certainly not want to go to sweaty, crowded Disneyland. No one goes to Disneyland except for the kids, and now she has to suffer this indignity for children who aren't hers.

Also, 8 years younger? That's not really a "younger woman". I mean, my DH is 7 years older and I don't think of him as an older man. Within ten years, you are of the same age group. I thought you meant an actual younger woman.

And that woman? She doesn't love the kids. All things equal, she would prefer they do not exist.

+ 100000. Its mind numbing how out of touch with reality people are on here. They need a good, old-fashioned messy divorce so they can actually LIVE the dynamics they are opining about w/no personal experience.

+++++ the kids would run faster to push a button to make her disappear.... even if they are happier with their parents not fighting anymore the kids do not want some stranger living in their home.

+++++1000000
You and I, PP are like brothers by a different mother. The rest of these people are living in a bubble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

... and a balding husband who pulls a muscle every time he works out (every other Saturday after he catches a side-glimpse of his beer gut when he gets out of the shower) who keeps his Viagra in the sock drawer thinking that's a good place to hide it from her.

Not likely, I know the guys and they're military...so no that's not the case

[Anonymous]

Now I know you don't know what you're talking about. Look. All things being equal, no woman wants a man with outside commitments. She may never tell you to your face, but if there was a button she could press to make kids disappear and make her now-DH into a never-married man before they met, she would run to press it. Given a choice, she would rather NOT have her new family budget damaged by child support, she would rather not have kids (who resent her) impose on their time, she would most certainly not want to go to sweaty, crowded Disneyland. No one goes to Disneyland except for the kids, and now she has to suffer this indignity for children who aren't hers.

This is a new one - a Disneyland hater.

Too Bad. Have a Magical Day!!!

PS - Try Epcot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

Now I know you don't know what you're talking about. Look. All things being equal, no woman wants a man with outside commitments. She may never tell you to your face, but if there was a button she could press to make kids disappear and make her now-DH into a never-married man before they met, she would run to press it. Given a choice, she would rather NOT have her new family budget damaged by child support, she would rather not have kids (who resent her) impose on their time, she would most certainly not want to go to sweaty, crowded Disneyland. No one goes to Disneyland except for the kids, and now she has to suffer this indignity for children who aren't hers.

Also, 8 years younger? That's not really a "younger woman". I mean, my DH is 7 years older and I don't think of him as an older man. Within ten years, you are of the same age group. I thought you meant an actual younger woman.

And that woman? She doesn't love the kids. All things equal, she would prefer they do not exist.

Yeah there is. There's a huuuuge difference between 28 and 37. And 32 and 40. I'd take a 29 year old over a 37 year old all day. There's lots of hot late twenties women at my gym. I'm divorced and hooked up with a few. They're fantastic

[Anonymous]

Why would a hot late twenties woman marry an older divorced man with three child support bills? A pretty woman that age can marry someone unencumbered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would a hot late twenties woman marry an older divorced man with three child support bills? A pretty woman that age can marry someone unencumbered.

Ok, so I hate joining the battle of the sexes, but I have experience on this.

29 year old hot to a divorced 40 something man with kids is a different league than 29 year old hot to a 30 year old successful single man. Meaning, to a man in his mid 40s getting out of a marriage, an attractive but not stunning 29 year old is a smoke show, even though she is a 7 out of 10. And a 7 out of 10 woman still single late 20 and early 30s sees a really shrinking dating pool for attractive, successful men. So the 42 year old divorced guy is within the realm. And if he is wealthy, a few grand a month in child support is meaningless.

Obviously, we are talking upper middle class, attractive successful men here, not the out of shape divorced Verizon salesmen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a hot late twenties woman marry an older divorced man with three child support bills? A pretty woman that age can marry someone unencumbered.

Ok, so I hate joining the battle of the sexes, but I have experience on this.

29 year old hot to a divorced 40 something man with kids is a different league than 29 year old hot to a 30 year old successful single man. Meaning, to a man in his mid 40s getting out of a marriage, an attractive but not stunning 29 year old is a smoke show, even though she is a 7 out of 10. And a 7 out of 10 woman still single late 20 and early 30s sees a really shrinking dating pool for attractive, successful men. So the 42 year old divorced guy is within the realm. And if he is wealthy, a few grand a month in child support is meaningless.

Obviously, we are talking upper middle class, attractive successful men here, not the out of shape divorced Verizon salesmen.

What you're talking about is a wealthy upper class man, not a typical divorced guy. I'm thinking women don't divorce wealthy, attractive, successful husbands out of a general malaise..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

taketothebank wrote:

Exactly my thoughts. What a horrible way to label children. They are people, with hearts and feelings. How dare you call them baggage!!!! What a jerk.

Call them whatever you want,

How about calling them children? The other posters are correct. Calling children baggage is horrible.

"Baggage" is shorthand for "a huge, multi-year emotional and financial burden that you should think very carefully before you assume and needn't feel bad if you'd rather not do so".

Calling them "children" in an effort to sugar-coat this fact and to make people feel bad if they don't want to assume that burden is stupid and mendacious.

+10000. All the feigned outrage by these sheltered bitches. Im sure none of whom have actually been divorced with multiple kids and so couldnt possibly understand how there little snowflakes could be thought of as anything but a snowflake by anyone. Get divorced and see what the dating pool is for a 40's-50's women with 3 Kids. Why would any established man date you old horses when he could date a younger, hotter women with no kids, ie, no (gasp) baggage??

Why do you think kids magically stop being "baggage" if they are the man's kids? Why would a younger, hotter woman want a man with baggage?

I know lot's of people that get re-married in their 40's and 50's so apparently many men want women close to their age. If they both have kids makes it much easier than a woman or man who doesn't and resents it. That pp has a anger against women, probably still mad about being dumped.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a hot late twenties woman marry an older divorced man with three child support bills? A pretty woman that age can marry someone unencumbered.

Ok, so I hate joining the battle of the sexes, but I have experience on this.

29 year old hot to a divorced 40 something man with kids is a different league than 29 year old hot to a 30 year old successful single man. Meaning, to a man in his mid 40s getting out of a marriage, an attractive but not stunning 29 year old is a smoke show, even though she is a 7 out of 10. And a 7 out of 10 woman still single late 20 and early 30s sees a really shrinking dating pool for attractive, successful men. So the 42 year old divorced guy is within the realm. And if he is wealthy, a few grand a month in child support is meaningless.

Obviously, we are talking upper middle class, attractive successful men here, not the out of shape divorced Verizon salesmen.

This!

Average "hot" looking women can get a higher quality mate only if they go older.

Legitimately hot, late 20s/early 30s women can easily land a successful man much closer to their age.