Considering Divorce

[Anonymous]

Older and with children - already not "higher quality."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

I'm observing that kids end up liking the new mom. I'm observing lavish trips to Disney, Europe, etc. I'm observing you get second wives with great careers and money who don't want a kid of their own. And from what I can see on FB, they enjoy their time without the kids as well (50-50 custody). Meanwhile, the ex wife is living in a crappy rental and either struggling with dating losers on tinder or losers from the neighborhood/school district. They spend holidays with friends instead of their kids. They are stressed out and money is tight. I have yet to see an ex-wife thrive, yet I have observed lots of ex-husbands thrive in new marriages, dual income households.

And the impact on the kids isn't good. Sorry.

Pretty judgmental. Why don't you ask them if their lives are better or worse post-divorce? You may see a small rental; they may luxuriate in the freedom away from a bad marriage and their DH now being someone else's responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

What a weird viewpoint. Presumably the ex wife got just what she wanted too: to NO LONGER be married to her ex. it's not a loss, it's a gain.

[Anonymous]

I have a similar issue with my DH. I see marriage as a partnership where we are working together for a common goal, he sees it as two people constantly all over each other. We are usually in a blah stage or misery with fights and divorce threats.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my DH. I see marriage as a partnership where we are working together for a common goal, he sees it as two people constantly all over each other. We are usually in a blah stage or misery with fights and divorce threats.

You raise a great point. Besides money, sexual differences really cause marital strain. The easy solution is to give the higher drive spouse a hall pass, but no one ever goes that route. Instead, it's either affair, resentment or divorce. There must be a better way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

I'm observing that kids end up liking the new mom. I'm observing lavish trips to Disney, Europe, etc. I'm observing you get second wives with great careers and money who don't want a kid of their own. And from what I can see on FB, they enjoy their time without the kids as well (50-50 custody). Meanwhile, the ex wife is living in a crappy rental and either struggling with dating losers on tinder or losers from the neighborhood/school district. They spend holidays with friends instead of their kids. They are stressed out and money is tight. I have yet to see an ex-wife thrive, yet I have observed lots of ex-husbands thrive in new marriages, dual income households.

And the impact on the kids isn't good. Sorry.

Pretty judgmental. Why don't you ask them if their lives are better or worse post-divorce? You may see a small rental; they may luxuriate in the freedom away from a bad marriage and their DH now being someone else's responsibility.

Not judging...just sharing what they have said as they're in tears seeing pics from the wedding or the fabulous vacations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How will you feel when your DH is happily remarried to a younger woman that your kids adore, living in a nicer house than yours, and spending holidays with your kids on fabulous vacations while you are single and alone (or celebrating holidays with friends since they take pity on you)? That's what I'm observing in my peer group, even though the women are relatively young (late 30s/early 40s), professionally successful, super fit and attractive.

Try harder to fix your relationship---starting with your own mindset---before jumping ship.

No younger woman wants her husbands kids to tag along on fabulous vacations. Especially not when their own babies come along. Trust me on this. And on that note, making the kids hate the new wife is a piece of cake, too.

Not true. I can tell you of at least two cases where the new wife adores the kids. One of the couples is older now and have grandkids and she treats them as her own.

The other met someone who is fit, attractive and about 8 years younger. She loves his kids, and they have a younger one of their own.

In this case the ex-wife's loss was their gain. They're both integrated in happy families on the father's side. The new wives got what they wanted ultimately - a family they're part of.

Now I know you don't know what you're talking about. Look. All things being equal, no woman wants a man with outside commitments. She may never tell you to your face, but if there was a button she could press to make kids disappear and make her now-DH into a never-married man before they met, she would run to press it. Given a choice, she would rather NOT have her new family budget damaged by child support, she would rather not have kids (who resent her) impose on their time, she would most certainly not want to go to sweaty, crowded Disneyland. No one goes to Disneyland except for the kids, and now she has to suffer this indignity for children who aren't hers.

Also, 8 years younger? That's not really a "younger woman". I mean, my DH is 7 years older and I don't think of him as an older man. Within ten years, you are of the same age group. I thought you meant an actual younger woman.

And that woman? She doesn't love the kids. All things equal, she would prefer they do not exist.

Yeah there is. There's a huuuuge difference between 28 and 37. And 32 and 40. I'd take a 29 year old over a 37 year old all day. There's lots of hot late twenties women at my gym. I'm divorced and hooked up with a few. They're fantastic

God I envy you. My life is so boring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why would a hot late twenties woman marry an older divorced man with three child support bills? A pretty woman that age can marry someone unencumbered.

Ok, so I hate joining the battle of the sexes, but I have experience on this.

29 year old hot to a divorced 40 something man with kids is a different league than 29 year old hot to a 30 year old successful single man. Meaning, to a man in his mid 40s getting out of a marriage, an attractive but not stunning 29 year old is a smoke show, even though she is a 7 out of 10. And a 7 out of 10 woman still single late 20 and early 30s sees a really shrinking dating pool for attractive, successful men. So the 42 year old divorced guy is within the realm. And if he is wealthy, a few grand a month in child support is meaningless.

Obviously, we are talking upper middle class, attractive successful men here, not the out of shape divorced Verizon salesmen.

We have a winner

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have a similar issue with my DH. I see marriage as a partnership where we are working together for a common goal, he sees it as two people constantly all over each other. We are usually in a blah stage or misery with fights and divorce threats.

You are both right. A good marriage has both.