Would you marry someone with a history of mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

I married someone who recently developed serious mental illness. My life is hell. Like you, I worry about my kids developing it in the future.

I wish I hadn't ignored the red flag of the history of mental illness in the family.

If you care about your kids, you will not stigmatize the mental illness. Instead, teach your kids there's nothing to be ashamed about seeing a mental health professional. There's no shame in seeking treatment, in taking meds.

If you continue to view mental illness as a red flag and a horrible thing, your kids will pick up on that and if they do ever have symptoms of a mental illness, they won't seek treatment, they won't develop healthy coping mechanisms, etc.

The issue isn't mental illness. It's whether the person is self-aware, seeks treatment, takes responsibility and ownership of their mental health, takes meds if necessary, etc.

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is not a product of "stigmatization" or of "lack of ownership" or of "thinking it is weak".

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is itself a symptom of mental illness and you can't "educate" the mentally ill out of it any more than you can educate people out of schizophrenia.

http://www.mentalmeds.org/articles/anosognosia.html

Anosognosia is quite different. It is not simply denial of a problem, but the genuine inability to recognize that the problem exists. It is a common consequence of brain injuries, and occurs to varying degrees in such disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and Alzheimer's disease. (I hasten to add that "common" does not mean "universal!" Most people who suffer from these illnesses are quite aware that they are sick.)

Someone who has anosognosia isn't being difficult, or refusing to face the truth. He is literally unable to believe that his illness is, in fact, an illness. As a result, he does not see any reason to take medication that can control his illness. Many people who have anosognosia will refuse to take medication for schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, because they do not believe they are ill. If pushed, they may give the appearance of cooperation, while secretly discarding their medication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

I married someone who recently developed serious mental illness. My life is hell. Like you, I worry about my kids developing it in the future.

I wish I hadn't ignored the red flag of the history of mental illness in the family.

If you care about your kids, you will not stigmatize the mental illness. Instead, teach your kids there's nothing to be ashamed about seeing a mental health professional. There's no shame in seeking treatment, in taking meds.

If you continue to view mental illness as a red flag and a horrible thing, your kids will pick up on that and if they do ever have symptoms of a mental illness, they won't seek treatment, they won't develop healthy coping mechanisms, etc.

The issue isn't mental illness. It's whether the person is self-aware, seeks treatment, takes responsibility and ownership of their mental health, takes meds if necessary, etc.

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is not a product of "stigmatization" or of "lack of ownership" or of "thinking it is weak".

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is itself a symptom of mental illness and you can't "educate" the mentally ill out of it any more than you can educate people out of schizophrenia.

http://www.mentalmeds.org/articles/anosognosia.html

Anosognosia is quite different. It is not simply denial of a problem, but the genuine inability to recognize that the problem exists. It is a common consequence of brain injuries, and occurs to varying degrees in such disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and Alzheimer's disease. (I hasten to add that "common" does not mean "universal!" Most people who suffer from these illnesses are quite aware that they are sick.)

Someone who has anosognosia isn't being difficult, or refusing to face the truth. He is literally unable to believe that his illness is, in fact, an illness. As a result, he does not see any reason to take medication that can control his illness. Many people who have anosognosia will refuse to take medication for schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, because they do not believe they are ill. If pushed, they may give the appearance of cooperation, while secretly discarding their medication.

Exactly right. This is one of the hellish aspects of mental illness.

[Anonymous]

No, because I wouldn't want to take a chance with my children. This would be devastating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

I married someone who recently developed serious mental illness. My life is hell. Like you, I worry about my kids developing it in the future.

I wish I hadn't ignored the red flag of the history of mental illness in the family.

If you care about your kids, you will not stigmatize the mental illness. Instead, teach your kids there's nothing to be ashamed about seeing a mental health professional. There's no shame in seeking treatment, in taking meds.

If you continue to view mental illness as a red flag and a horrible thing, your kids will pick up on that and if they do ever have symptoms of a mental illness, they won't seek treatment, they won't develop healthy coping mechanisms, etc.

The issue isn't mental illness. It's whether the person is self-aware, seeks treatment, takes responsibility and ownership of their mental health, takes meds if necessary, etc.

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is not a product of "stigmatization" or of "lack of ownership" or of "thinking it is weak".

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is itself a symptom of mental illness and you can't "educate" the mentally ill out of it any more than you can educate people out of schizophrenia.

http://www.mentalmeds.org/articles/anosognosia.html

Anosognosia is quite different. It is not simply denial of a problem, but the genuine inability to recognize that the problem exists. It is a common consequence of brain injuries, and occurs to varying degrees in such disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and Alzheimer's disease. (I hasten to add that "common" does not mean "universal!" Most people who suffer from these illnesses are quite aware that they are sick.)

Someone who has anosognosia isn't being difficult, or refusing to face the truth. He is literally unable to believe that his illness is, in fact, an illness. As a result, he does not see any reason to take medication that can control his illness. Many people who have anosognosia will refuse to take medication for schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, because they do not believe they are ill. If pushed, they may give the appearance of cooperation, while secretly discarding their medication.

You use one specific mental illness as an example, when the term "mental illness" can mean a lot of different things. And many mental illnesses -- depression, anxiety, some forms of OCD, PPD -- are very treatable and education can go a long way. You take the most extreme mental illnesses and use them to paint with a broad brush. Schizophrenia is very different than say depression or chronic anxiety.

[Anonymous]

No I would not.

[Anonymous]

OP, I would not knowingly marry a man that I know has been diagnosed with a mental illness. I wouldn't marry a man who appears to have one either.

That's not a problem I have to deal with, so why take on that type of stress in my life? You don't have to fix other people's problems. It's best to just leave broken people alone, and find a healthy partner you can experience a happy, positive life with. Mental illness is like a never ending dark cloud over you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I would not knowingly marry a man that I know has been diagnosed with a mental illness. I wouldn't marry a man who appears to have one either.

That's not a problem I have to deal with, so why take on that type of stress in my life? You don't have to fix other people's problems. It's best to just leave broken people alone, and find a healthy partner you can experience a happy, positive life with. Mental illness is like a never ending dark cloud over you.

I really hope you never develop any kind of disease that your patenter has to deal with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

One of your kids has a mental illness.

Can you read? She said so far her child is ok. I would never do this myself it's too risky.

I can read and I can promise you one of her kids has a mental illness, it is probably undiagnosed and it's likely the kid will refuse being treated because they know their mother's views on mentall illness and don't want to be hated by their own mother.

It's also possible if the kids are adults they've been diagnosed and are being treat and mummy dearest is none the wiser.

Being an asshole isn't technically a mental illness, you know?

[Anonymous]

As someone who has anxiety that has changed my life, yes it's a deal breaker. I would not wish for a partner to deal with me, or have to see my future kids suffer.

[Anonymous]

Yes. Definite deal breaker if the person decides he doesn't needs his mess anymore. No thank you. It's like living with an alcoholic or druggie. I also wouldn't want my children to inherent the mental illness genes.

[Anonymous]

After the hell that my father put my mom, my siblings and I through, I have to say no, not knowingly. My father was diagnosed with depression and has undiagnosed OCD/hoarding behaviors, is prone to occasional rages, and is a generally unstable and unhappy person in total denial of his issues. His mother died before I was born, but from how I've heard her described, she seemed to have a mental illness as well. Both my brothers also have moderate to severe mental illnesses. I could not have been happier when I was able to leave home for good to go to college. I have no clue how my mom and brothers still put up with him.

I'm in my mid-20s and fine for the most part after getting therapy, but growing up with that was unpleasant to say the least, and I would not willingly put myself in that situation with a potential spouse. If my spouse is diagnosed with a mental illness after marriage, then we'll deal with it, but I won't hesitate to divorce if my spouse is in denial and refuses treatment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

One person is not representative of every single person with a mental illness. There are many people without mental illnesses are more of a "hot mess" than some people with properly treated mental illnesses.

New poster here. You are correct. However I was once married to someone who was mentally ill, and now I worry about my kids every day. So far, so good, and I think we would already know if they inherited it. But it's terrifying.

I would never ever marry someone with a mental illness of any sort again. Use me as a cautionary tale. My life was a living hell. And there was no way to know he would develop his illness when I married him.

I married someone who recently developed serious mental illness. My life is hell. Like you, I worry about my kids developing it in the future.

I wish I hadn't ignored the red flag of the history of mental illness in the family.

If you care about your kids, you will not stigmatize the mental illness. Instead, teach your kids there's nothing to be ashamed about seeing a mental health professional. There's no shame in seeking treatment, in taking meds.

If you continue to view mental illness as a red flag and a horrible thing, your kids will pick up on that and if they do ever have symptoms of a mental illness, they won't seek treatment, they won't develop healthy coping mechanisms, etc.

The issue isn't mental illness. It's whether the person is self-aware, seeks treatment, takes responsibility and ownership of their mental health, takes meds if necessary, etc.

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is not a product of "stigmatization" or of "lack of ownership" or of "thinking it is weak".

Refusing to accept you have a mental illness and refusing to take meds is itself a symptom of mental illness and you can't "educate" the mentally ill out of it any more than you can educate people out of schizophrenia.

http://www.mentalmeds.org/articles/anosognosia.html

Anosognosia is quite different. It is not simply denial of a problem, but the genuine inability to recognize that the problem exists. It is a common consequence of brain injuries, and occurs to varying degrees in such disorders such as schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, and Alzheimer's disease. (I hasten to add that "common" does not mean "universal!" Most people who suffer from these illnesses are quite aware that they are sick.)

Someone who has anosognosia isn't being difficult, or refusing to face the truth. He is literally unable to believe that his illness is, in fact, an illness. As a result, he does not see any reason to take medication that can control his illness. Many people who have anosognosia will refuse to take medication for schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, because they do not believe they are ill. If pushed, they may give the appearance of cooperation, while secretly discarding their medication.

You use one specific mental illness as an example, when the term "mental illness" can mean a lot of different things. And many mental illnesses -- depression, anxiety, some forms of OCD, PPD -- are very treatable and education can go a long way. You take the most extreme mental illnesses and use them to paint with a broad brush. Schizophrenia is very different than say depression or chronic anxiety.

You know, you're arguing with several different people, which is worrisome in itself. You are bolding statement from me (the first one), and others.

And yes, I worry all the time about my children. Depression and anxiety (your examples) run in families. And we're not even getting into nature versus nurture - living in a house with a depressed or anxious or OCD parent is a horribly unhealthy atmosphere for children. They absorb all of this and develop their own mental health issues.

[Anonymous]

For me, personality, compatibility, and reliability are among the most important qualities in a spouse. Most mental illnesses adversely affect all those attributes. So no, if I had other options, I would not.

That said, I think many mental health conditions are overdiagnosed and that what some people would consider mentally ill, I would consider a variant of normal. I'm sure most people would wind up with a positive diagnosis of some sort according to the latest DSM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

That is ONE person with mental illness. I have a mental illness but I am happily married, have a graduate degree and am doing well in my career. Every day is a struggle for me - but with the help of medication and a very supportive DH - I do my best.

But if your DH had to do it again, would he marry you knowing what he knows now?

Maybe you should look at it this way: they make meds to help my illness. What are you doing to treat your bigoted views and general lack of human decency?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hell no. I have a friend with mental illness and she's a hot mess. Men are more likely to run away from women with mental illness. It's really sad that my friend can't figure out treatment and it's been 10 + years. She says anxiety keeps her from having a job.

That is ONE person with mental illness. I have a mental illness but I am happily married, have a graduate degree and am doing well in my career. Every day is a struggle for me - but with the help of medication and a very supportive DH - I do my best.

But if your DH had to do it again, would he marry you knowing what he knows now?

Maybe you should look at it this way: they make meds to help my illness. What are you doing to treat your bigoted views and general lack of human decency?

This man has tried every medicine and is still in misery all the time. The article states says that his grandfathers also endured much , including electroshock therapy and one of their wives killed herself with scotch and pills. His mother and sister also have intense long standing mental health issues. I'm not sure I would want to pass that down to anyone else.

A neighbor down the street from us killed herself when she had preteen kids - that's a hard thing to have as a childhood memory.

https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2014/01/surviving_anxiety/355741/?utm_source=atlfb