Would you marry someone with a history of mental illness?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

I feel sorry for you, PP. You clearly don't have empathy nor the analytical skills to figure out that one trait doesn't make or break a person. People with mental illness (not mentally ill people) are capable of being fabulous and nurturing parents and partners. People without empathy.... well, they tend to be sociopaths.

[Anonymous]

No. It never ends well.

[Anonymous]

My partner was diagnosed four months before our marriage. Not for the faint of heart but because we are both committed to his health, it works, and has made us very close due to the need for constant clear communication. Being medicated and in treatment are non negotiable. But every single person in this world has major issues of some kind. Sometimes having it out in the open is a huge benefit because it increases awareness, reflection, compassion, which are crucial to any healthy relationship.

I am talking about a very serious mental illness with attached stigma btw. But we are ten years in, 2 kids, 2 careers, and very happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you include depression and anxiety here, aren't you eliminating a large percentage of people in D.C.? There was a thread on DCUM not too long ago asking if everyone in D.C. is on psych meds.

Prozac in your medicine cabinet isn't a deal-breaker, but it's not a good thing. Stop asking where the line is. The point is, there is a line; those of us who have lived with someone with severe bipolar or whatever will never do that again.

Depression can be a very difficult illness to be married to. So can anxiety.

With any mental illness, it is more the degree of illness (mild, moderate, severe), the awareness and engagement with treatment, the response to treatment, and the insight the person has about their illness and how it impacts them and others that makes the difference.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you include depression and anxiety here, aren't you eliminating a large percentage of people in D.C.? There was a thread on DCUM not too long ago asking if everyone in D.C. is on psych meds.

Prozac in your medicine cabinet isn't a deal-breaker, but it's not a good thing. Stop asking where the line is. The point is, there is a line; those of us who have lived with someone with severe bipolar or whatever will never do that again.

Depression can be a very difficult illness to be married to. So can anxiety.

With any mental illness, it is more the degree of illness (mild, moderate, severe), the awareness and engagement with treatment, the response to treatment, and the insight the person has about their illness and how it impacts them and others that makes the difference.

Agree 100%. About 15 years into our marriage my DH's "unhappiness" became more than that, but it took three years to get him to a therapist. Yesterday, my DD said "I want my old daddy back." It has been a very, very hard few years, and my DH's issues are "mild." I'm at a breaking point and my DH doesn't see it. I don't know how much more I can take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

Most geniuses and artists and scientists who contributed immensely to humanity (and in ways that make your comfor table life possible) had a mental illness.

I would never advise being married to any of them. "Geniuses" are a huge pain in the ass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

Most geniuses and artists and scientists who contributed immensely to humanity (and in ways that make your comfor table life possible) had a mental illness.

I would never advise being married to any of them. "Geniuses" are a huge pain in the ass.

My comment was in response to the PP's comment that people with mental illnesses shouldn't procreate b/c they could pass on their mental illness. I wasn't suggesting you have to marry a genius, but, rather, if we eliminate people with some form of mental illness (or the genetic potential), we're probably doing ourselves harm as a civilization b/c we'll be eliminating a lot of the innovators, creative geniuses, mathematical and scientific geniuses, etc.

That was my point. But it seems you didn't pick up on that. And while incredibly intelligent and creative people might be a "pain in the ass" on the interpersonal level, at least according to you, the contributions they make to human civilization and society are basically what enable our lives to be as comfortable as they are.

The issue isn't eliminating the possibility of children being born with genetic predispositions to mental illness. The issue is recognizing the predisposition, provide the best possible environment. Research suggests that it isn't necessarily the genetic predisposition that is the problem. It's environment during early childhood and adolescence that plays a huge role in whether the predisposition to mental illness is triggered and manifests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

Most geniuses and artists and scientists who contributed immensely to humanity (and in ways that make your comfor table life possible) had a mental illness.

Some researchers suggest that the predisposition to mental illness is the same as to brilliance or creativity. It's the nurture side that determines how it is activated, how it manifests.

Some psychiatrists believe that geniiosity is pretty distinct form of mental illness.
I really don't care about contributing to society in exchange to life with a psycho.
Look at Picasso, Dostoevsky and their women - all miserable, all suffered. Not worth it.

Not all people who suffer from mental illness are psychos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

Most geniuses and artists and scientists who contributed immensely to humanity (and in ways that make your comfor table life possible) had a mental illness.

Some researchers suggest that the predisposition to mental illness is the same as to brilliance or creativity. It's the nurture side that determines how it is activated, how it manifests.

Some psychiatrists believe that geniiosity is pretty distinct form of mental illness.
I really don't care about contributing to society in exchange to life with a psycho.
Look at Picasso, Dostoevsky and their women - all miserable, all suffered. Not worth it.

Not all people who suffer from mental illness are psychos.

No one said that all mentall ill people are psychotic. But most people would agree that it's very hard to be married to someone who is mentally ill. So hard that few if any would choose it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

Most geniuses and artists and scientists who contributed immensely to humanity (and in ways that make your comfor table life possible) had a mental illness.

I would never advise being married to any of them. "Geniuses" are a huge pain in the ass.

My comment was in response to the PP's comment that people with mental illnesses shouldn't procreate b/c they could pass on their mental illness. I wasn't suggesting you have to marry a genius, but, rather, if we eliminate people with some form of mental illness (or the genetic potential), we're probably doing ourselves harm as a civilization b/c we'll be eliminating a lot of the innovators, creative geniuses, mathematical and scientific geniuses, etc.

That was my point. But it seems you didn't pick up on that. And while incredibly intelligent and creative people might be a "pain in the ass" on the interpersonal level, at least according to you, the contributions they make to human civilization and society are basically what enable our lives to be as comfortable as they are.

The issue isn't eliminating the possibility of children being born with genetic predispositions to mental illness. The issue is recognizing the predisposition, provide the best possible environment. Research suggests that it isn't necessarily the genetic predisposition that is the problem. It's environment during early childhood and adolescence that plays a huge role in whether the predisposition to mental illness is triggered and manifests.

(shrug) If you want to "contribute to civilization" by marrying a pain in the ass "genius", go for it. I still wouldn't advise one of them as a spouse.

The children of geniuses are not geniuses. Therefore, not marrying geniuses will not eliminate the existence of geniuses who do good things.

Many geniuses never get married, or do their genius work before they get married. Therefore, not marrying geniuses will not eliminate their contributions to civilization.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you include depression and anxiety here, aren't you eliminating a large percentage of people in D.C.? There was a thread on DCUM not too long ago asking if everyone in D.C. is on psych meds.

Prozac in your medicine cabinet isn't a deal-breaker, but it's not a good thing. Stop asking where the line is. The point is, there is a line; those of us who have lived with someone with severe bipolar or whatever will never do that again.

Depression can be a very difficult illness to be married to. So can anxiety.

With any mental illness, it is more the degree of illness (mild, moderate, severe), the awareness and engagement with treatment, the response to treatment, and the insight the person has about their illness and how it impacts them and others that makes the difference.

Agree 100%. About 15 years into our marriage my DH's "unhappiness" became more than that, but it took three years to get him to a therapist. Yesterday, my DD said "I want my old daddy back." It has been a very, very hard few years, and my DH's issues are "mild." I'm at a breaking point and my DH doesn't see it. I don't know how much more I can take.

Is your DH taking medication? Often therapy is not enough, even for mild illness. Your daughter's comments and your feeling if being at the end of your rope are signs that therapy alone is not enough or that meds aren't working and need to be adjusted

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is mental illness a deal breaker for marriage?

Yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would not marry someone with a diagnosed mental illness. Even "mild" anxiety and depression can get worse as a person ages and living with mental illness is a lifelong issue. It affects every aspect of your life and is incurable. Nor would I want any of my children to marry someone with a diagnosed mental illness.

Wow. I hope your spouse never has any health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is mental illness a deal breaker for marriage?

Yes.

+ 1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would not marry someone with a diagnosed mental illness. Even "mild" anxiety and depression can get worse as a person ages and living with mental illness is a lifelong issue. It affects every aspect of your life and is incurable. Nor would I want any of my children to marry someone with a diagnosed mental illness.

Wow. I hope your spouse never has any health issues.

I wish no one had any health issues. But I'd take a physical illness over a mental illness hands down. Severe mental illness is almost like a death. The person's mind is gone, but the body is still walking around in another reality.