Would you marry someone with a history of mental illness?

[Anonymous]

If you include depression and anxiety here, aren't you eliminating a large percentage of people in D.C.? There was a thread on DCUM not too long ago asking if everyone in D.C. is on psych meds.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you include depression and anxiety here, aren't you eliminating a large percentage of people in D.C.? There was a thread on DCUM not too long ago asking if everyone in D.C. is on psych meds.

Prozac in your medicine cabinet isn't a deal-breaker, but it's not a good thing. Stop asking where the line is. The point is, there is a line; those of us who have lived with someone with severe bipolar or whatever will never do that again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you include depression and anxiety here, aren't you eliminating a large percentage of people in D.C.? There was a thread on DCUM not too long ago asking if everyone in D.C. is on psych meds.

Sure, but not all. Maybe half or less. Plus a lot of them marry each other.

[Anonymous]

If she's really hot I could overlook some mental illness; nothin f's better than crazy.

Of course I'm kidding but it would all depend on the type of mental illness, really severe manic depression or borderline personality disorder where I worry about my children?… No, I wouldn't get involved with someone with it. Some mild anxiety with a touch of OCD? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems filled with responses from many, many people who have dealt with mental ill people and would never do it again - and who worry about their children, etc.

And then a few mentally ill people throwing around the word bigot.

Who said mentally ill people don't worry about their children?
Why can't the "few mentally ill people" use the word bigot if it does in fact explain the level of discrimination conveyed in some of these posts?

[Anonymous]

Run

[Anonymous]

The "history of mental illness" is too vague to be meaningful. What are we talking about here? A prescription to Prozac for anxiety, or multiple suicide attempts and in-patient hospitalizations?

Of course we don't want to stigmatize mental illness. Plenty of people with diagnosed and treated mental illnesses are perfectly capable of having loving, wonderful marriages and raising happy and stable kids.....

....says the woman who was not diagnosed prior to marriage but is now on anti-depressants and doing much better, who married a guy who had episodes of major depression who is also doing much better. I married him despite seeing a couple of those depressive episodes, which were scary and involved him losing employment. I must have really loved the guy, huh?

But I have also definitely seen the damaging effects of severe, untreated mental illness in our extended families and it is not pretty. I don't think you have to be a "bigot" to recognize that reality. Sometimes love is just not enough and even if a person is worthy of love, that doesn't necessarily mean you want to choose as a life partner someone who has, for example, a history of treatment-resistant drug addiction and multiple relapses.

[Anonymous]

I feel awful for saying this, but no I would not. Maybe ADD if well controlled or Asbergers, but not depression, anxiety, bipolar, etc. I know it's not their fault, but I feel bad when friends share struggles with their partners not helping with kids or holding down a decent job because of anxiety or depression. I think less of their husbands because they can't get it together and I wouldn't want to have to take care of my kids AND my husband. And this makes me a jerk. I have no issue taking care of my husband when he throws his back out once every 18-24mo. I am thankful I seem to have a husband who doesn't even get the dreaded "man cold".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Would you marry someone who might get cancer some day? Would you marry someone who might start overeating and gain 60 pounds some day? Would you marry someone who shows no sign of mental illness until a brain injury at age 50?

This is such an offensive topic to get in to. Might surprise you OP, but there are many, many people with mental illnesses who frequent DCUM. I'd probably marry most of them before I wanted to marry someone as ignorant as you.

Would I marry someone knowing I might need to support them or have them support me during a long illness, death or illness of a child, death of our parents, injury after an accident, yes.

Would I marry someone who already had mental issues? No.

I look at it like this. Marrying someone who is already in a wheelchair or needs significant physical daily assistance is a very different choice from marrying someone knowing that there is a small chance that they could be physically or mentally injured in the future and that you would stick by them.

Some people buy houses they know need a lot of work. Some people know they are not capable of taking on that type of work but are still willing to be homeowners knowing that some repairs will pop up over the life of the house. Some people can't deal with any issues or repairs and choose to rent. I don't see why it is such a bad thing to honestly acknowledge the types of challenges you want to tackle in your life and when you have an option to minimize challenges making the choice to do so.

Of course mentally ill people and people with disabilities are worthy of love, affection and respect. However not all able bodied neurotypical people are capable or willing to provide that love and support. I don't see why people should feel bad about not wanting to marry someone with significant mental challenges any more than not wanting to marry someone who is tall, short, fat, has seasonal allergies, or whatever is deal breaker for them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Terrible thread. Mental illness is such a broad term. It's like asking if you'd marry someone with respiratory illness and including mild allergy sufferers in the same bucket as terminally I'll lung cancer patients. Most people will suffer from some form of mental illness at some point in their lives. Many suffer from chronic but relatively mild symptoms most of their lives and most of them are not aware of it. Some of the most wonderful, most talented, and most successful people to have ever lived and contributed to society have suffered from one mental illness or another. If you want to give such people a pass, by all means do.

All of these "talented" people with mental illness that you are thinking of have horrible stories of abusive family lives, etc.

If you have wonderful stories of the mentally ill - please cite one.

Quite a few celebrities have opened up about their struggles with mental illness, in order to spread awareness and address the stigma - with the proper treatment, they are fully functioning, successful people. Kristen Bell is one of them.

[Anonymous]

I am going to post a link to Kristin Bell's story. It should be the last word on this thread because whether or not random posters on DCUM would marry someone who has mental illness is irrelevant to people who suffer from the disease and are too ashamed to acknowledge they need help and seek treatment. This thread is potentially damaging to such people and the perspectives shared are valid but expressed in a very skewed and unhealthy way.

Here is Kristin Bell's poignant story:

http://motto.time.com/4352130/Kristen-bell-frozen-depression-anxiety/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

Most geniuses and artists and scientists who contributed immensely to humanity (and in ways that make your comfor table life possible) had a mental illness.

Some researchers suggest that the predisposition to mental illness is the same as to brilliance or creativity. It's the nurture side that determines how it is activated, how it manifests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread seems filled with responses from many, many people who have dealt with mental ill people and would never do it again - and who worry about their children, etc.

And then a few mentally ill people throwing around the word bigot.

Who said mentally ill people don't worry about their children?
Why can't the "few mentally ill people" use the word bigot if it does in fact explain the level of discrimination conveyed in some of these posts?

It's not a discrimination, it's a reality.
Moderately to severe MI people destroy lifes and emotional well been of everyone around them.
I don't mean mild depression, add or something like that.

-someone divorced from schizophrenic with obsessive delusions, refusing to seek help aggressor and sociopath. With no children born into the marriage, thank God.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

In the "my life is hell" scenarios I've seen, it's all been undiagnosed mental illness in which the person refuses to seek help or comply with medical advice, usually because they think it's "weak" or some BS like that.

Well you've led a sheltered life. Treatment - meds and therapy - doesn't always work well enough. Getting treatment is one hurdle, but not the only one.

You have no idea what you are talking about. "I am fine and everyone around me is insane". Been there, done that. NEVER again.
Mentally ill people with the chance of passing a condition onto a child should not multiply.

Most geniuses and artists and scientists who contributed immensely to humanity (and in ways that make your comfor table life possible) had a mental illness.

Some researchers suggest that the predisposition to mental illness is the same as to brilliance or creativity. It's the nurture side that determines how it is activated, how it manifests.

Some psychiatrists believe that geniiosity is pretty distinct form of mental illness.
I really don't care about contributing to society in exchange to life with a psycho.
Look at Picasso, Dostoevsky and their women - all miserable, all suffered. Not worth it.