What's Appropriate? A Young Couple Marries...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What's appropriate? Whatever he wants. (Good idea to ask people about their desired funeral arrangements in advance.)

If he didn't by law it is up to the surviving spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would bury him with wife #1 so the kids can go visit both their parents together.

Chances are kids would have him moved after Wife 2 dies anyway. So Wife 1 should cremate and give them 1/2 the ashes. Or spread them at sea together.

LOL It's a legal marriage. No one can move bodies because they don't like the plans the couple made. It doesn't work like that legally...thankfully!

So then who are these people who have bodies moved? Because it does happen. (Though I'll concede I don't recall hearing of kids moving a person from beside a spouse.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I read this thread, it saddens me -- I am dying of cancer after 25 years of marriage. My wife might remarry. I don't know. We have produced a beautiful and intelligent teen daughter.

So there are people that think that, if my wife remarries, she should be buried with someone else? Or people that do not grasp that there should be no jealousy towards a dead person?

I mean, I am the one who loses. I will not see my daughter graduate from high school. At this point, it is not clear if I will even live to see a total solar eclipse (big deal for me). I am not sure if I will make it three more months. (I will end treatment in early August if my situation does not improve; that is when the next scans are).

We bought two plots. I guess that was a waste of money.

No jealousy toward a dead person is a nice thought, but in reality it doesn't always work that way. My BIL died in a tragic accident. His widow grieved for five years, and then remarried. Her new spouse convinced her to move on by cutting out BIL's family. Two years later her 2nd marriage implodes because he could not handle her continuing to grieve, (even privately on anniversaries and such). 2nd spouses absolutely can and do become jealous of the deceased spouse. My former SIL plans on being buried with my BIL, even though she has one child with the 2nd spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would bury him with wife #1 so the kids can go visit both their parents together.

Chances are kids would have him moved after Wife 2 dies anyway. So Wife 1 should cremate and give them 1/2 the ashes. Or spread them at sea together.

LOL It's a legal marriage. No one can move bodies because they don't like the plans the couple made. It doesn't work like that legally...thankfully!

So then who are these people who have bodies moved? Because it does happen. (Though I'll concede I don't recall hearing of kids moving a person from beside a spouse.)

Court order mainly for crimes etc. Can't get a court order because you didn't like what dad and wife 2 did.

[Anonymous]

This is why it's important to have conversations about death. If either my spouse or I die relatively young, we want to buried where we grew up, especially if our parents are still living. In that instance we will not be buried together. I have no desire to be buried in his family's cemetery. Hopefully the surviving spouse does move on.

If we die when we are old, our kids can decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I read this thread, it saddens me -- I am dying of cancer after 25 years of marriage. My wife might remarry. I don't know. We have produced a beautiful and intelligent teen daughter.

So there are people that think that, if my wife remarries, she should be buried with someone else? Or people that do not grasp that there should be no jealousy towards a dead person?

I mean, I am the one who loses. I will not see my daughter graduate from high school. At this point, it is not clear if I will even live to see a total solar eclipse (big deal for me). I am not sure if I will make it three more months. (I will end treatment in early August if my situation does not improve; that is when the next scans are).

We bought two plots. I guess that was a waste of money.

No jealousy toward a dead person is a nice thought, but in reality it doesn't always work that way. My BIL died in a tragic accident. His widow grieved for five years, and then remarried. Her new spouse convinced her to move on by cutting out BIL's family. Two years later her 2nd marriage implodes because he could not handle her continuing to grieve, (even privately on anniversaries and such). 2nd spouses absolutely can and do become jealous of the deceased spouse. My former SIL plans on being buried with my BIL, even though she has one child with the 2nd spouse.

I don't think jealousy is the word in your in-laws case.

No one wants to deal with a person carrying on and grieving over ANYTHING--much less a situation from the past. Crying over the time you were stood up for prom years after the fact will turn off/annoy a spouse.


I think SIL should've gotten grief counseling. Her grief is not healthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I read this thread, it saddens me -- I am dying of cancer after 25 years of marriage. My wife might remarry. I don't know. We have produced a beautiful and intelligent teen daughter.

So there are people that think that, if my wife remarries, she should be buried with someone else? Or people that do not grasp that there should be no jealousy towards a dead person?

I mean, I am the one who loses. I will not see my daughter graduate from high school. At this point, it is not clear if I will even live to see a total solar eclipse (big deal for me). I am not sure if I will make it three more months. (I will end treatment in early August if my situation does not improve; that is when the next scans are).

We bought two plots. I guess that was a waste of money.

No jealousy toward a dead person is a nice thought, but in reality it doesn't always work that way. My BIL died in a tragic accident. His widow grieved for five years, and then remarried. Her new spouse convinced her to move on by cutting out BIL's family. Two years later her 2nd marriage implodes because he could not handle her continuing to grieve, (even privately on anniversaries and such). 2nd spouses absolutely can and do become jealous of the deceased spouse. My former SIL plans on being buried with my BIL, even though she has one child with the 2nd spouse.

I don't think jealousy is the word in your in-laws case.

No one wants to deal with a person carrying on and grieving over ANYTHING--much less a situation from the past. Crying over the time you were stood up for prom years after the fact will turn off/annoy a spouse.


I think SIL should've gotten grief counseling. Her grief is not healthy.

Yes SHE imploded the marriage which is sad for their child.

[Anonymous]

It will all boil down to what the married couples estate plan says. If there's no will or trust that decision falls to the surviving spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither. Cremation. Ashes to the kids.

Yep.

Because of religious beliefs, none of the 3 want cremation.

BTW: Hubby and Wife 2 had no kids.

with 1st wife. the one who had and raised his children.

the 2nd wife had nothing tough to do at all, just fun time, no managing a busy household, no parenting, way less tough decisions (work or watch kids, what activities, budgeting, etc.).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First wife.
Second wife was just filling his time....not his true love. Second wife should know her place.

Ok so let's throw in a curve-

2nd wife was the one who got away. Had she been willing he would've married her. But she was a 21 yo who didn't want to be tied down so young.

So he meets and marries wonderful sweet wife 1.

He thinks about the one who got away over the years. When Wife 1 dies he pursues the one who got away.

They marry.

What now?

Yuck. OP, just grow up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First wife.
Second wife was just filling his time....not his true love. Second wife should know her place.

Well, maybe the man was one of these poor DCUM saps who is bossed around and shat on by his first wife, then she died, and he finally found someone who appreciates him and doesn't treat him like a paycheck/punching bag/imbecile. (And no I'm not a man)

Exactly, maybe the man was such a shitty do-nothing husband and father that his marriage sucked. So once he was widowed he vowed never to have pesky kids again and just life the high-life with a woman. Then he consulted DCUM on where to get buried and not look like the self-centered schmuck that he truly is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to a relative. He wanted to be burried with the first wife, who he always viewed as his "true" wife.

How was that resolved?

It also happened with Jackie O, which sparked a huge debate this morning and led to this post.

At least Baby Patrick was buried there as well.

One debated loudly she shouldn't have been buried with JFK because she was no longer a Kennedy.

But when you really think about it...

First marriage is usually the true love.

Oh that's not true. Most first marriages were mistakes...why so many divorces. If that was true love he wouldn't have gotten married again, lol.

Second marriages have HIGHER divorce rates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I read this thread, it saddens me -- I am dying of cancer after 25 years of marriage. My wife might remarry. I don't know. We have produced a beautiful and intelligent teen daughter.

So there are people that think that, if my wife remarries, she should be buried with someone else? Or people that do not grasp that there should be no jealousy towards a dead person?

I mean, I am the one who loses. I will not see my daughter graduate from high school. At this point, it is not clear if I will even live to see a total solar eclipse (big deal for me). I am not sure if I will make it three more months. (I will end treatment in early August if my situation does not improve; that is when the next scans are).

We bought two plots. I guess that was a waste of money.

No jealousy toward a dead person is a nice thought, but in reality it doesn't always work that way. My BIL died in a tragic accident. His widow grieved for five years, and then remarried. Her new spouse convinced her to move on by cutting out BIL's family. Two years later her 2nd marriage implodes because he could not handle her continuing to grieve, (even privately on anniversaries and such). 2nd spouses absolutely can and do become jealous of the deceased spouse. My former SIL plans on being buried with my BIL, even though she has one child with the 2nd spouse.

I don't think jealousy is the word in your in-laws case.

No one wants to deal with a person carrying on and grieving over ANYTHING--much less a situation from the past. Crying over the time you were stood up for prom years after the fact will turn off/annoy a spouse.


I think SIL should've gotten grief counseling. Her grief is not healthy.

There is a big difference is severity between being sad on the anniversary where your spouse is dead, and something like the being stood up for the prom. You strike me as either very young or Naïve. A dead spouse is more like a dead child; something you never fully recover. I have to say, the problem in the previous example is an immature new spouse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As I read this thread, it saddens me -- I am dying of cancer after 25 years of marriage. My wife might remarry. I don't know. We have produced a beautiful and intelligent teen daughter.

So there are people that think that, if my wife remarries, she should be buried with someone else? Or people that do not grasp that there should be no jealousy towards a dead person?

I mean, I am the one who loses. I will not see my daughter graduate from high school. At this point, it is not clear if I will even live to see a total solar eclipse (big deal for me). I am not sure if I will make it three more months. (I will end treatment in early August if my situation does not improve; that is when the next scans are).

We bought two plots. I guess that was a waste of money.

No jealousy toward a dead person is a nice thought, but in reality it doesn't always work that way. My BIL died in a tragic accident. His widow grieved for five years, and then remarried. Her new spouse convinced her to move on by cutting out BIL's family. Two years later her 2nd marriage implodes because he could not handle her continuing to grieve, (even privately on anniversaries and such). 2nd spouses absolutely can and do become jealous of the deceased spouse. My former SIL plans on being buried with my BIL, even though she has one child with the 2nd spouse.

I don't think jealousy is the word in your in-laws case.

No one wants to deal with a person carrying on and grieving over ANYTHING--much less a situation from the past. Crying over the time you were stood up for prom years after the fact will turn off/annoy a spouse.


I think SIL should've gotten grief counseling. Her grief is not healthy.

There is a big difference is severity between being sad on the anniversary where your spouse is dead, and something like the being stood up for the prom. You strike me as either very young or Naïve. A dead spouse is more like a dead child; something you never fully recover. I have to say, the problem in the previous example is an immature new spouse.

The point is that it's not necessarily jealousy. No one wants to deal with it.

And people do survive their children without grieving the way this SIL did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First wife.
Second wife was just filling his time....not his true love. Second wife should know her place.

Ok so let's throw in a curve-

2nd wife was the one who got away. Had she been willing he would've married her. But she was a 21 yo who didn't want to be tied down so young.

So he meets and marries wonderful sweet wife 1.

He thinks about the one who got away over the years. When Wife 1 dies he pursues the one who got away.

They marry.

What now?

Yuck. OP, just grow up.

I actually know if a situation like this.