What's Appropriate? A Young Couple Marries...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Neither. Cremation. Ashes to the kids.

+1

For heaven's sake, it's up to the couple to make those plans. They both have to agree. The kids need to worry about their own marriages. I don't think they would want dad and step mom stepping over boundaries getting into their business.

It's up to the surviving spouse to make those decisions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This happened to a relative. He wanted to be burried with the first wife, who he always viewed as his "true" wife.

How was that resolved?

It also happened with Jackie O, which sparked a huge debate this morning and led to this post.

At least Baby Patrick was buried there as well.

One debated loudly she shouldn't have been buried with JFK because she was no longer a Kennedy.

But when you really think about it...

First marriage is usually the true love.

Oh that's not true. Most first marriages were mistakes...why so many divorces. If that was true love he wouldn't have gotten married again, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As I read this thread, it saddens me -- I am dying of cancer after 25 years of marriage. My wife might remarry. I don't know. We have produced a beautiful and intelligent teen daughter.

So there are people that think that, if my wife remarries, she should be buried with someone else? Or people that do not grasp that there should be no jealousy towards a dead person?

I mean, I am the one who loses. I will not see my daughter graduate from high school. At this point, it is not clear if I will even live to see a total solar eclipse (big deal for me). I am not sure if I will make it three more months. (I will end treatment in early August if my situation does not improve; that is when the next scans are).

We bought two plots. I guess that was a waste of money.

I am very sorry for what you're going through. It must be terribly difficult and I can't profess to understand it at all.

But the fact of the matter is that yes, your wife may remarry and be happy with someone else someday. She may choose to never remarry. Where she ends up buried is not your call it's solely hers. There's no "she should be buried with husband 1" or anything because no one can predict the future...so your story is sort of not applicable right now, because you don't know if she'll ever marry again.

[Anonymous]

Well duh they cut his corpse in half and bury half next to EACH wife.

[Anonymous]

My dad is in this exact situation - except he and my mom were married 35 years with three kids before she died and then he later remarried. I don't know the answer in his case, which is weird because he has been very open about estate planning/life insurance/trusts etc. but this has never come up. My mom was cremated and has a spot/placque in a memorial garden, it has never occurred to me that he might not have reserved the spot next to her. I really like my stepmother but she has her own kids and it's not my job to worry about where she ends up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whichever one he said? If he didn't pick, let the living spouse pick, as she probably knew her role. If both wives are deceased, let the kids pick, as either is "appropriate."

If I'm the living spouse, he's being buried with me.

In a different cemetery.

Across town.

Yeah I'm petty that way. Lol

It's not petty it's accurate. I don't know anyone that went with the deceased first wife though I'm sure it happens. Maybe if the 2nd marriage was really bad.
My dad was married to my mom for 25 years. His ashes are with his 2nd wife which I don't have a problem with. Of course I was happy for his happiness, and have my own life. Obviously some on here are sadly miserable. Either scorned first wives, or adult children with problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So in other words we all agree Jackie O should've been returned to JFK's side??

She was.

What happened to that piece of skull that she grabbed when she lunged onto the trunk of the limo?

Was that buried with him, or with her?

[Anonymous]

11:16 again and I totally agree that Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis is buried exactly where she should be. Hers was an incredible sacrifice for this nation and she absolutely should be in Arlington.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My dad is in this exact situation - except he and my mom were married 35 years with three kids before she died and then he later remarried. I don't know the answer in his case, which is weird because he has been very open about estate planning/life insurance/trusts etc. but this has never come up. My mom was cremated and has a spot/placque in a memorial garden, it has never occurred to me that he might not have reserved the spot next to her. I really like my stepmother but she has her own kids and it's not my job to worry about where she ends up.

It's up to your stepmother and dad to worry where he/she ends up. Just as it is with your own husband if married.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whichever one he said? If he didn't pick, let the living spouse pick, as she probably knew her role. If both wives are deceased, let the kids pick, as either is "appropriate."

If I'm the living spouse, he's being buried with me.

In a different cemetery.

Across town.

Yeah I'm petty that way. Lol

It's not petty it's accurate. I don't know anyone that went with the deceased first wife though I'm sure it happens. Maybe if the 2nd marriage was really bad.
My dad was married to my mom for 25 years. His ashes are with his 2nd wife which I don't have a problem with. Of course I was happy for his happiness, and have my own life. Obviously some on here are sadly miserable. Either scorned first wives, or adult children with problems.

I agreed with the posters who said it would be good for the kids to be able to visit their parents together.

But your post makes me wonder about the chances that those full adult children with families of their own to care about will spend tons of time visiting their parents. Some people do visit graves religiously but I know many who don't. My mother hasn't visited her mother's grave once in 20+ years. And I keep my dad in my heart. 20+ years later I have not visited his gravesite.

[Anonymous]

The person should have made a plan
Ridiculous not to
If they didn't, then there is no one answer better than another
The person who died didn't think it was that important.
No one else needs to fret about it. It certainly shouldn't be a point of contention.

[Anonymous]

I'm not religious whatsoever. I told my husband to cremate me. He can take me on cruises with the new one or whatever. I don't want his life to stop. And whatever he chooses it's up to him. I'm amazed at the controlling people who think they can dictate what a married couple can or should do. Get a life people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whichever one he said? If he didn't pick, let the living spouse pick, as she probably knew her role. If both wives are deceased, let the kids pick, as either is "appropriate."

If I'm the living spouse, he's being buried with me.

In a different cemetery.

Across town.

Yeah I'm petty that way. Lol

It's not petty it's accurate. I don't know anyone that went with the deceased first wife though I'm sure it happens. Maybe if the 2nd marriage was really bad.
My dad was married to my mom for 25 years. His ashes are with his 2nd wife which I don't have a problem with. Of course I was happy for his happiness, and have my own life. Obviously some on here are sadly miserable. Either scorned first wives, or adult children with problems.

I agreed with the posters who said it would be good for the kids to be able to visit their parents together.

But your post makes me wonder about the chances that those full adult children with families of their own to care about will spend tons of time visiting their parents. Some people do visit graves religiously but I know many who don't. My mother hasn't visited her mother's grave once in 20+ years. And I keep my dad in my heart. 20+ years later I have not visited his gravesite.

That's what it's about. The grave site is merely a symbol. You can have that anywhere, and most importantly in your memories and heart.

[Anonymous]

My great grandma has a wife on each side. They have a headstone that is three wide with all their names on it. Apparently my great grandma was friends with the first wife and she decided it was the best way to honor everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would bury him with wife #1 so the kids can go visit both their parents together.

Chances are kids would have him moved after Wife 2 dies anyway. So Wife 1 should cremate and give them 1/2 the ashes. Or spread them at sea together.

LOL It's a legal marriage. No one can move bodies because they don't like the plans the couple made. It doesn't work like that legally...thankfully!