Stay-At-Home-Mother but not Housekeeper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The way I see it, SAHM is your work from 7-6, M-F (or whenever your husband is gone). During that time, feel free to act like a nanny. From 6-7, and then on the weekends, you and your husband split tasks 50/50 or agree to outsource.

The flip side of this is your husband is a (profession) during work hours, but he doesn't get to come home and put his feet up while you make him a martini. When he is home and on weekends, he splits the housework with you, or you two agree to outsource.

+1 SAHM here. My priority is our two young kids during the hours my husband is at work. I certainly do stuff like run laundry, dishes, cook simple meals, clean up messes we make but I am not cleaning the house top to bottom. During nap I tend to relax but usually still doing something on the computer for the house. When my husband comes home at 8PM he eats leftovers from the earlier meal and then helps clean up the rest of the kitchen from. I usually will shower while he cleans and then we try and meet back up by 8:30 to relax together before going to bed.

We don't have a house cleaner and will usually spend a few hours on the weekend during nap powering through a cleaning...maybe I'll clean the bathrooms while he mows the lawn or something like that. 3 yr old will go out with dad and I'll stick the baby in a bouncer. Its totally fine. I am all about engagement but 24/7 is a little intense for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure. I am a SAHM. We have a 2x weekly cleaning service. When my kids were little, we also had a babysitter 15-20 hours a week. We don't need that anymore now that they are school aged.

This is insane. What a spoiled princess you must be. What did you do with all your free time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand the question to us. Discuss it with your husband. Report back to us. This is not a group decision.

I did and he agrees 100% but I am not sure if either of us know what is involved. My job will be the care and teaching of our child. We can afford to outsource a bit more if needed.

If you have the resources to hire someone to follow you around cleaning up after you, I say go for it. How awesome would that be??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. I am a SAHM. We have a 2x weekly cleaning service. When my kids were little, we also had a babysitter 15-20 hours a week. We don't need that anymore now that they are school aged.

This is insane. What a spoiled princess you must be. What did you do with all your free time?

STFU. The only people who get to have an opinion about how they handle houseeeping are the PP and her DH. If they are happy then that's all that matters. They don't give a flying F what a jealous B like you thinks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sure. I am a SAHM. We have a 2x weekly cleaning service. When my kids were little, we also had a babysitter 15-20 hours a week. We don't need that anymore now that they are school aged.

This is insane. What a spoiled princess you must be. What did you do with all your free time?

Whatever I felt like, same as now. It's pretty nice, I have to admit.

[Anonymous]

If you have cleaners who come once a week, I don't think there's much to do in addition to baby chores. Throw in dishes with baby bottles, throw in laundry with baby laundry. I guess vacuuming once a week in addition to when the cleaners vacuum. Bathrooms are fine being cleaned weekly unless you're slipping water all over the sink. What other housework is there? Cooking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Okay, the people who are attacking you are RIDICULOUS. Please know that. You need to post this on a SAHM group. Go onto babycenter and find one of the SAHM boards (which I also follow, as a SAHM).

What you are proposing is fine. It's hard for you to picture because the baby isn't here. But what you're trying to say is that your priority is the baby, not doing housework, and that you are not a "housewife," or a maid, you are a parent. That is the same approach I took when I stayed home. And I needed DH to be on the same page so that we had the same expectations. He wanted me to spend my afternoon tickling my baby's toes, not making dinner. We lowered our expectations, and when he was home, we did housework 50/50 (sometimes it was 70/30 with his doing MORE because he recognizes how physically demanding my job is).

As baby got older I took on more of those responsibilities because I wanted to, and because it was enjoyable, and because it is easy to do so with a baby ONCE THEY ARE OLDER, but you will kill yourself if you try to do all that when they are an infant.

Please post this on a group for SAHMs. You will get a much better response.

Heaven forbid OP hear from folks (working parents) who have tips for how to balance way more than she would as a SAHM with one kid.

Working parents don't seek advice from SAHMs on how to balance a job with raising kids (nor should they), and SAHMs shouldn't seek advice from working parents on how to SAH. Just because you have kids doesn't mean you know what it's like to be a SAHM. (Of course, the reality is many, many women have done both, and by all means, those women can give advice to all!)

[Anonymous]

Why do SAHMs need help figuring out how to do their job? It is the most straightforward gig ever, and made even easier if your husband makes a lot of money. You're on vacation! But like, for the rest of your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do SAHMs need help figuring out how to do their job? It is the most straightforward gig ever, and made even easier if your husband makes a lot of money. You're on vacation! But like, for the rest of your life.

And by job I assume you mean life.

[Anonymous]

I respect all choices, and I think it's crazy not to. I had a SAH father, and I respected him, too. He worked incredibly hard to raise me and my two siblings while my mom worked (and paved the way for all women in an industry dominated by men).

When you disrespect the work of a SAH parent, you are disrespecting the work YOU do as a parent.

[Anonymous]

Are you asking if you can hire a cleaning lady/housekeeper? Of course you can if your finances permit. I'm a SAHM with young children and have a housekeeper 3x/week. She does the deep cleaning/tidying, laundry for the entire family and some food prep. I recommend it. Of course, with young children at home - especially the 2-4 set, even with a housekeeper I find myself constantly picking up, cooking and doing food prep -- but it is way less this way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking if you can hire a cleaning lady/housekeeper? Of course you can if your finances permit. I'm a SAHM with young children and have a housekeeper 3x/week. She does the deep cleaning/tidying, laundry for the entire family and some food prep. I recommend it. Of course, with young children at home - especially the 2-4 set, even with a housekeeper I find myself constantly picking up, cooking and doing food prep -- but it is way less this way.

Did you hire someone through a service? Or independently (and you pay her taxes etc)? Was it hard to train her? I'm thinking about doing this but not sure if it's worth the effort.

[Anonymous]

In our household, part of the SAHM gig is to do the household chores/cleaning/cooking...in addition to the caring/engaging with the kids. Gasp, I know.

OP - you have 1 kid. It'll be easy-peasy for you. There is no real mess, no real food to prep (formula/breast feeding for at least 6 mo before solids introduced), baby classes are minimal until at least 12 mo. old, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I respect all choices, and I think it's crazy not to. I had a SAH father, and I respected him, too. He worked incredibly hard to raise me and my two siblings while my mom worked (and paved the way for all women in an industry dominated by men).

When you disrespect the work of a SAH parent, you are disrespecting the work YOU do as a parent.

I have a really hard time mustering up much respect for a SAHP who whines about how hard their life is when really they have one of the more luxurious existences around.

[Anonymous]

Get a service at first so you don't need to worry about taxes. See if you like it before moving to a more permanent solution.