Stay-At-Home-Mother but not Housekeeper

[Anonymous]

OP, I get not wanting to spend all day cooking and cleaning. Some outsourcing is fine, but honestly it seems weird to me that you want to focus 100% of your energy on the baby like a nanny. You aren't a nanny. Your child is going to have a weird perception of the world is your life completely revolves around him/her.

I'm a working mom, but a lot of my bonding time with my toddler involves him standing on his kitchen stool and "helping" me prep dinner. We go to the park and then hit up the grocery store together. He mimics me using a towel to clean the floor. He is my "organizer helper" for putting away laundry.

Of course I do outsource deep cleaning and a lot of free time is spent at the park, library, classes, birthday parties, etc. But your child is supposed to learn how the world works through spending time with you. Not everything has to be some carefully planned Pinterest activity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

yes many SAHM also have a housekeeper come 2-5 days a week to do laundry, cleaning, organizing, filing, put things away, food prep, errands.
so one person is tending to the children and the other to the home. works this way until fulltime school starts really.

Enjoy your young child/children! The days are long but the years are short!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get not wanting to spend all day cooking and cleaning. Some outsourcing is fine, but honestly it seems weird to me that you want to focus 100% of your energy on the baby like a nanny. You aren't a nanny. Your child is going to have a weird perception of the world is your life completely revolves around him/her.

I'm a working mom, but a lot of my bonding time with my toddler involves him standing on his kitchen stool and "helping" me prep dinner. We go to the park and then hit up the grocery store together. He mimics me using a towel to clean the floor. He is my "organizer helper" for putting away laundry.

Of course I do outsource deep cleaning and a lot of free time is spent at the park, library, classes, birthday parties, etc. But your child is supposed to learn how the world works through spending time with you. Not everything has to be some carefully planned Pinterest activity.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I get not wanting to spend all day cooking and cleaning. Some outsourcing is fine, but honestly it seems weird to me that you want to focus 100% of your energy on the baby like a nanny. You aren't a nanny. Your child is going to have a weird perception of the world is your life completely revolves around him/her.

I'm a working mom, but a lot of my bonding time with my toddler involves him standing on his kitchen stool and "helping" me prep dinner. We go to the park and then hit up the grocery store together. He mimics me using a towel to clean the floor. He is my "organizer helper" for putting away laundry.

Of course I do outsource deep cleaning and a lot of free time is spent at the park, library, classes, birthday parties, etc. But your child is supposed to learn how the world works through spending time with you. Not everything has to be some carefully planned Pinterest activity.

+1


Any yet, everyone parents differently. So what may work for you does not work for OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

yes many SAHM also have a housekeeper come 2-5 days a week to do laundry, cleaning, organizing, filing, put things away, food prep, errands.
so one person is tending to the children and the other to the home. works this way until fulltime school starts really.

Enjoy your young child/children! The days are long but the years are short!

Um, I would say that quite a few SAHMs have a weekly or biweekly housekeeper. A small handful may have a housekeeper 3-5 times a week (I have actually never seen that myself). But the vast majority of SAHMs do their own housework. They might get a sitter for their kids every now and then but I've never met a SAHM with a nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

yes many SAHM also have a housekeeper come 2-5 days a week to do laundry, cleaning, organizing, filing, put things away, food prep, errands.
so one person is tending to the children and the other to the home. works this way until fulltime school starts really.

Enjoy your young child/children! The days are long but the years are short!

Um, I would say that quite a few SAHMs have a weekly or biweekly housekeeper. A small handful may have a housekeeper 3-5 times a week (I have actually never seen that myself). But the vast majority of SAHMs do their own housework. They might get a sitter for their kids every now and then but I've never met a SAHM with a nanny.

Come over to NW DC

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

yes many SAHM also have a housekeeper come 2-5 days a week to do laundry, cleaning, organizing, filing, put things away, food prep, errands.
so one person is tending to the children and the other to the home. works this way until fulltime school starts really.

Enjoy your young child/children! The days are long but the years are short!

Um, I would say that quite a few SAHMs have a weekly or biweekly housekeeper. A small handful may have a housekeeper 3-5 times a week (I have actually never seen that myself). But the vast majority of SAHMs do their own housework. They might get a sitter for their kids every now and then but I've never met a SAHM with a nanny.

Come over to NW DC

Oh, I believe there are SAHMs out there with that lifestyle. Just sayin' - it is not that common for a SAHM to have so much hired help at her disposal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

yes many SAHM also have a housekeeper come 2-5 days a week to do laundry, cleaning, organizing, filing, put things away, food prep, errands.
so one person is tending to the children and the other to the home. works this way until fulltime school starts really.

Enjoy your young child/children! The days are long but the years are short!

Um, I would say that quite a few SAHMs have a weekly or biweekly housekeeper. A small handful may have a housekeeper 3-5 times a week (I have actually never seen that myself). But the vast majority of SAHMs do their own housework. They might get a sitter for their kids every now and then but I've never met a SAHM with a nanny.

Come over to NW DC

Oh, I believe there are SAHMs out there with that lifestyle. Just sayin' - it is not that common for a SAHM to have so much hired help at her disposal.

Yeah, well, it is not uncommon for WOHMs to have to work to pay the bills and mortgage. There are two categories of people -

Category 1) Those who cannot outsource chores because of financial reasons - So, the SAHMs who do not have help and WOHMs who have to work because their HHI is low - they are in the same boat. Most people in the US fall in this category.

Category 2) Those who can outsource chores because money is not an issue for them - this includes SAHMs that want to be with their children doing all kinds of fun, educational and bonding things AND WOHMs who work because they enjoy their work and want to carve out time with their families by outsourcing chores. A very small amount of people fall in this category.

I suggest that the mommy- wars should be fought within the same categories. Mainly it is resentment of Category 1 folks against Category 2 folks on this forum.
So, the WOHMs vs. SAHMS dialogue should happen between the people in the same category.

[Anonymous]

If you and DH have agreed to this, why are you posting?

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the responses but the difference is the nanny goes home at night and presumably has to do her own dishes, laundry, etc. So if you're like the "nanny" during the day your job is your child and at night you'd still presumably participate in chores. My mom was a stay at home mom and had a cleaner come every other week. I was the youngest and definitely went on errands with her all day (dry cleaner, bank, grocery store etc). I'm currently home (mat leave) and try to do chores as interactive as possible (yesterday put baby on a mat and sang and danced while doing dishes) but our house is a mess. Most weeks I hire a neighbor / high school student to come over for 3 hours and help me fold laundry, put away dishes etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

yes many SAHM also have a housekeeper come 2-5 days a week to do laundry, cleaning, organizing, filing, put things away, food prep, errands.
so one person is tending to the children and the other to the home. works this way until fulltime school starts really.

Enjoy your young child/children! The days are long but the years are short!

Um, I would say that quite a few SAHMs have a weekly or biweekly housekeeper. A small handful may have a housekeeper 3-5 times a week (I have actually never seen that myself). But the vast majority of SAHMs do their own housework. They might get a sitter for their kids every now and then but I've never met a SAHM with a nanny.

Come over to NW DC

Oh, I believe there are SAHMs out there with that lifestyle. Just sayin' - it is not that common for a SAHM to have so much hired help at her disposal.

Yeah, well, it is not uncommon for WOHMs to have to work to pay the bills and mortgage. There are two categories of people -

Category 1) Those who cannot outsource chores because of financial reasons - So, the SAHMs who do not have help and WOHMs who have to work because their HHI is low - they are in the same boat. Most people in the US fall in this category.

Category 2) Those who can outsource chores because money is not an issue for them - this includes SAHMs that want to be with their children doing all kinds of fun, educational and bonding things AND WOHMs who work because they enjoy their work and want to carve out time with their families by outsourcing chores. A very small amount of people fall in this category.

I suggest that the mommy- wars should be fought within the same categories. Mainly it is resentment of Category 1 folks against Category 2 folks on this forum.
So, the WOHMs vs. SAHMS dialogue should happen between the people in the same category.

I could not agree more. The debate is so often just cliches thrown around between people that had no choice financially but to stay home and those who elect to work. It is insecurity on both sides, I think. Women why stay home in this scenario often - not always, but often - resort to "Oh I could never miss all this time with my children!" "My job is so much harder and its all day every day, no happy hour for me!" "I do this for my family!" etc., etc., humdrum banal saying after platitude. Women who work because they want to are often demeaning and condescending to the same. Its silly. These people IRL are just in entirely different lanes. No point engaging in this tired old charade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

yes many SAHM also have a housekeeper come 2-5 days a week to do laundry, cleaning, organizing, filing, put things away, food prep, errands.
so one person is tending to the children and the other to the home. works this way until fulltime school starts really.

Enjoy your young child/children! The days are long but the years are short!

Um, I would say that quite a few SAHMs have a weekly or biweekly housekeeper. A small handful may have a housekeeper 3-5 times a week (I have actually never seen that myself). But the vast majority of SAHMs do their own housework. They might get a sitter for their kids every now and then but I've never met a SAHM with a nanny.

Come over to NW DC

Oh, I believe there are SAHMs out there with that lifestyle. Just sayin' - it is not that common for a SAHM to have so much hired help at her disposal.

Yeah, well, it is not uncommon for WOHMs to have to work to pay the bills and mortgage. There are two categories of people -

Category 1) Those who cannot outsource chores because of financial reasons - So, the SAHMs who do not have help and WOHMs who have to work because their HHI is low - they are in the same boat. Most people in the US fall in this category.

Category 2) Those who can outsource chores because money is not an issue for them - this includes SAHMs that want to be with their children doing all kinds of fun, educational and bonding things AND WOHMs who work because they enjoy their work and want to carve out time with their families by outsourcing chores. A very small amount of people fall in this category.

I suggest that the mommy- wars should be fought within the same categories. Mainly it is resentment of Category 1 folks against Category 2 folks on this forum.
So, the WOHMs vs. SAHMS dialogue should happen between the people in the same category.

I could not agree more. The debate is so often just cliches thrown around between people that had no choice financially but to stay home and those who elect to work. It is insecurity on both sides, I think. Women why stay home in this scenario often - not always, but often - resort to "Oh I could never miss all this time with my children!" "My job is so much harder and its all day every day, no happy hour for me!" "I do this for my family!" etc., etc., humdrum banal saying after platitude. Women who work because they want to are often demeaning and condescending to the same. Its silly. These people IRL are just in entirely different lanes. No point engaging in this tired old charade.

You really think that saying "The vast majority of SAHMs do not have a full time nanny, housekeeping 3+ days a week, a lawn service, etc" is engaging in "Mommy wars"?

I actually think that is a pretty darned factual statement.

[Anonymous]

I kind of thought the mommy wars thing was about people being bored and shitty online for som kind of personal emotional reward. I don't think we really give a shit that much about what someone else is doing. It's just a way to vent what isn't going right in your life and take it out on someone else. I don't go for that and I think the people that do probably need a nap, or more self-awareness.

This thread is asinine.

[Anonymous]

Ps: mommy wars seems better for media ratings or blog hits than anything else. We're being sold a bundle of goods, stop fighting your sisters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ps: mommy wars seems better for media ratings or blog hits than anything else. We're being sold a bundle of goods, stop fighting your sisters.

Or our views pay for Jeff's family's home, food, schooling, etc.

Every episode of Mommy Wars funds another semester of college for his kids.