Stay-At-Home-Mother but not Housekeeper

[Anonymous]

I hear you OP. That is what the cleaning lady/service will do.

07:45

[Anonymous]

Op I basically took that approach. Dh and I were equal earners and I had to quit my job bc baby being born coincided with a move that left me unemployed for two years. I found I was physically able to take care of my child from about his 6 am wake up until 6 pm when DH came home. After 6pm we were both on the clock until baby went to bed (which was only,like, an hour). There was no guarantee that anything would be clean or any food would be prepared. We were both working full time, just at different types of jobs, and my job was more exhausting. So we did the best we could with take out or jarred sauce etc.
The absolute best thing to do is to draw up a list of of all the household tasks that need to get done, and designate who does what. Also, make a schedule of who gets up with the baby when. (My baby was STTN pretty early on, otherwise we'd be divorced I'm sure lol).

Anyway, don't let people here make you feel bad. Being a SAHM is extremely demanding in the early years and rife with a lot of societal pressure and guilt traps. Now that I work, I'm astounded by how much pressure we put on SAHMs. Come home to a well taken care of baby, clean home, and hot meal, while I work in a nice office, control the money, and advance my career and use my education? Um...yes please. Lol what an eye opener that was. Good luck to you!

[Anonymous]

If you're rich, go for it. But please don't complain how hard it is to tote one little baby around to classes and play dates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not going to want poopy laundry to be laying around, dirty bottles in the sink, baby food smashed in the carpet and the million other messes that a baby makes just sitting there waiting for the weekly cleaning help to arrive and tidy up.

If you stay home, you will be cleaning A LOT. Comes with the territory. If you would prefer to hire someone to do normal housecleaning (floors, bathrooms, etc) that's up to you. But don't think that you won't be cleaning because you will be.

OP here and I will do everything regarding the care and cleaning/laundry for the baby. I meant general household chores like cleaning bathrooms and washing floors.

If you can afford it, do it.

[Anonymous]

But... what?

What's your question? You said dh is on board

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not going to want poopy laundry to be laying around, dirty bottles in the sink, baby food smashed in the carpet and the million other messes that a baby makes just sitting there waiting for the weekly cleaning help to arrive and tidy up.

If you stay home, you will be cleaning A LOT. Comes with the territory. If you would prefer to hire someone to do normal housecleaning (floors, bathrooms, etc) that's up to you. But don't think that you won't be cleaning because you will be.

Also nannies clean up all that stuff.

If you want to be a household employee and not an equal partner go for it. You sound insufferable.

[Anonymous]

Please don't think it is good for your baby to be engaged all day. Poor baby, that sounds exhausting for it. Also, it is good for babies to watch people do regular chores and stuff. They think it is interesting to watch and it raises them in a realistic environment where they learn the world does not revolve around them every second, and that people clean up, do tasks and it is not some huge burden, etc.

You are doing your baby a long term disservice by cooing over it and doing nothing but "play" 24/7.

[Anonymous]

I actually feel a little sorry for the baby in this scenario. You're going to do "narration" all day long? Pointing things out, counting and singing? While all the studies do say that it's good to engage with your baby, this seems like a bit of overkill. Even babies need a little downtime, a little quiet, and an opportunity to learn how to entertain themselves. The kid may be sitting there thinking to himself, "Good God. Isn't this lady ever going to shut up?" Let us know how that works out for you!

[Anonymous]

OP, it's laying it out like this that's odd. Plenty of people hire household help to do stuff they don't want to do. We had cleaners before we had kids -- I hate housework. If it's in your budget, do it. Just don't talk about it as if it is some giant lifestyle shift that needs discussion.

[Anonymous]

A lot of my SAHM friends had a cleaning lady come weekly or every-other-week to handle the major cleaning tasks. I don't think that's unusual.

But it also seems like you are going into parenting with a very rigid idea of how things should be and already have your hackles up about what's ok for you to do vs. not in order to preserve your equal status in your relationship. That, not a housekeeper, is IMO setting you up for trouble. Sure, get a housekeeper and discuss plans with DH but prepared to be flexible.

Also, to keep up the equal partnership with DH, I'd recommend letting him be the one in charge of some aspect of childcare. In our family, DH did baths from day 1. That was his time with the kids and the area in which he got to be the expert. I think it helped keep us from falling into an assumption that since I was a SAHM that all parenting duties were mine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are not going to want poopy laundry to be laying around, dirty bottles in the sink, baby food smashed in the carpet and the million other messes that a baby makes just sitting there waiting for the weekly cleaning help to arrive and tidy up.

If you stay home, you will be cleaning A LOT. Comes with the territory. If you would prefer to hire someone to do normal housecleaning (floors, bathrooms, etc) that's up to you. But don't think that you won't be cleaning because you will be.

Also nannies clean up all that stuff.

If you want to be a household employee and not an equal partner go for it. You sound insufferable.

Op said that she fully anticipates cleaning up the little messes, doing laundry, etc. She simply wants to know if it's reasonable of her to want to hire a cleaning service to do the normal cleaning. She'll have her hands full with the baby and I would absolutely hire weekly cleaning if I could afford it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I actually feel a little sorry for the baby in this scenario. You're going to do "narration" all day long? Pointing things out, counting and singing? While all the studies do say that it's good to engage with your baby, this seems like a bit of overkill. Even babies need a little downtime, a little quiet, and an opportunity to learn how to entertain themselves. The kid may be sitting there thinking to himself, "Good God. Isn't this lady ever going to shut up?" Let us know how that works out for you!

+1000 You are going to create a monster! Kids, even babies, need downtime to just look at the world and figure how to entertain themselves. You need to find something else to occupy yourself! I think this is one reason making 'house manager' an equal part of SAHM time is valuable. I spent time learning to be a better cook and came to enjoy meal planning and cooking. I saved us money by researching better options for insurance, investments, etc. Sure, get someone else to mop the floors but please, for your child's sake, do not be in their face 100% of their waking time.

[Anonymous]

I think you can do day-to-day maintenance and hire cleaning people to come in and do a weekly or bi-weekly deep clean. I feel like that is pretty typical for people with money who have a SAHM. If you can swing around $150 a pop for cleaners, sure why not?

You should still expect to do dishes during the day and probably cook dinner though or you are going to end up with a super resentful husband. Sounds like you get that. Good luck - you are living my dream!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please don't think it is good for your baby to be engaged all day. Poor baby, that sounds exhausting for it. Also, it is good for babies to watch people do regular chores and stuff. They think it is interesting to watch and it raises them in a realistic environment where they learn the world does not revolve around them every second, and that people clean up, do tasks and it is not some huge burden, etc.

You are doing your baby a long term disservice by cooing over it and doing nothing but "play" 24/7.

It's actually not unusual for young babies to want to be held A LOT. It is also not unusual for babies to pitch fits if they are left unattended in their playpens while mom scrubs floors on her hands and knees. Babies do not have long, adult like attention spans. They are....babies.

I SAH when my kids were little and I cleaned my house (as best as I could). Having a weekly or biweekly cleaning service would have been nice. I would never begrudge a SAHP for having that.

[Anonymous]

This is so ridiculous. I'm sorry, but it's not that hard to run a clean household as well as to take care of one baby.

I've never heard of a sahm who wants to do less than 50% of the chores with a husband who is at work all day.