Stay-At-Home-Mother but not Housekeeper

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking if you can hire a cleaning lady/housekeeper? Of course you can if your finances permit. I'm a SAHM with young children and have a housekeeper 3x/week. She does the deep cleaning/tidying, laundry for the entire family and some food prep. I recommend it. Of course, with young children at home - especially the 2-4 set, even with a housekeeper I find myself constantly picking up, cooking and doing food prep -- but it is way less this way.

What is is that you do, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Ok, I don't understand the question really, if DH is onboard, hire the people you need and keep it moving.

The hate is ridiculous on this thread. I WOHM and don't have help at home (because I'm a horrible mom and send my kid to day care), but could care less what other people do/can afford/need to do what they want to do.

Seriously OP, hire a housekeeper, a mother's helper, whatever you need. The only person's opinion that matters is your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking if you can hire a cleaning lady/housekeeper? Of course you can if your finances permit. I'm a SAHM with young children and have a housekeeper 3x/week. She does the deep cleaning/tidying, laundry for the entire family and some food prep. I recommend it. Of course, with young children at home - especially the 2-4 set, even with a housekeeper I find myself constantly picking up, cooking and doing food prep -- but it is way less this way.

Did you hire someone through a service? Or independently (and you pay her taxes etc)? Was it hard to train her? I'm thinking about doing this but not sure if it's worth the effort.

I found her originally through our neighborhood listserv -- she began cleaning once/week and as I had more children and got to know her further, we added days. I recommend going through listservs, asking friends, posting an ad here with specific responsibilities -- and maybe Craigslist. She is also a former nanny so I feel comfortable leaving her while baby is napping to do a school pick-up, which is so nice as I have to wake baby up on the days she is not here. Just makes everything run so much more smoothly and allows me to focus on children more -- highly recommend it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:so does this also mean you won't do grocery shopping, cook dinner, etc? I also don't know why you need to nap when baby naps (not talking the first few months). I was back at work at 4-5 months and didn't have the luxury to nap. Not sure why you can't do household laundry (non baby), start dinner, etc while baby naps...

This

[Anonymous]

I have a daily housekeeper. I like to cook, so she just preps dinner, but she could cook it ...

She does laundry, picking up, errands, really, whatever I ask her to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking if you can hire a cleaning lady/housekeeper? Of course you can if your finances permit. I'm a SAHM with young children and have a housekeeper 3x/week. She does the deep cleaning/tidying, laundry for the entire family and some food prep. I recommend it. Of course, with young children at home - especially the 2-4 set, even with a housekeeper I find myself constantly picking up, cooking and doing food prep -- but it is way less this way.

Did you hire someone through a service? Or independently (and you pay her taxes etc)? Was it hard to train her? I'm thinking about doing this but not sure if it's worth the effort.

I found her originally through our neighborhood listserv -- she began cleaning once/week and as I had more children and got to know her further, we added days. I recommend going through listservs, asking friends, posting an ad here with specific responsibilities -- and maybe Craigslist. She is also a former nanny so I feel comfortable leaving her while baby is napping to do a school pick-up, which is so nice as I have to wake baby up on the days she is not here. Just makes everything run so much more smoothly and allows me to focus on children more -- highly recommend it!

Also: yes I did have to train her on the cooking -- but she already cooked and knew the basics so I basically taught her do 5-10 meals that my children like and we rotate them.

[Anonymous]

I don't understand what all the derision and questioning is about. I do what OP is asking about and it has worked out great.

I was a nanny for a high profile family during college and got my masters in Early Childhood Education. I worked as a teacher and then director of a preschool before becoming a mother. When I was pregnant, DH and I had many discussions about what our roles would be after our baby was born. I made it clear that I was not giving up a great job to start picking up his socks or taking out the trash. Our lives in regard to our home would remain the same with me switching from teaching other children to teaching our children.

I did nurse for 18 months, narrated for DD, went to a class nearly every morning and read to her for over an hour every day. DH and I both work out in the morning but alternate who goes first - whomever is in bed last makes the bed. We do dishes as we use them. We have a cleaning service once a week and a maid who comes in once a week (DH's bachelor maid) who does all laundry for both DH and myself as well as picking up our dry cleaning.

My days are devoted to my daughter. We do a lot of slow cooker meals that DH and I prepare together the night before or make salads after DH comes home. I do the dinner dishes and DH does the bath, books, bed routine with DD. I have always done the grocery shopping and he has always done errands and that hasn't changed.

It takes organization, OP, and a manageable house (we have a five room townhouse with a deck we have set up as an outdoor playroom). Good luck! I have truly loved being home with my kid!

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and great at child activities and a terrible housekeeper. So, our house is usually messy but the kids are happy and healthy. We have cleaners come once a week. I do the best I can and don't sweat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a SAHM and great at child activities and a terrible housekeeper. So, our house is usually messy but the kids are happy and healthy. We have cleaners come once a week. I do the best I can and don't sweat it.

Sounds smart to me. How old are your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I have always split the household chores equally. I want this to change when I stop working after our child is born - I want to do less. We have a cleaning service that comes in once a week and do a lot of ordering of supplies online.

Basically, I want to do only what a good nanny would do in terms of spending all the baby's waking hours engaged with her and her napping hours either napping myself or doing her chores (baby's laundry, food prep, etc). I want to do classes with my child, go on play dates and not think about the house at all.

Is this possible? DH is all for it right now but...

It is possible. DH wanted one of us to be home with our children. I made significantly less than him and so I quit. I am highly educated, love to be with my kids but I suck at household chores. I spent every minute with my kids but I continued to employ the cleaning service that we had when I was a WOHM. There was still some chores left that was split between the two of us. Later DH and I decided that if we outsourced more work and if I supervise in the role of a house manager we would have more leisure time. I have 2 ladies who work for me on hourly rates. They work for me twice a week and I get 12 man hours worth of work from them. My kids are in school so I can devote some time there. It has worked out for us and has made our home life and marriage amazing.

However, please remember, our finances allow us to have this arrangement. I have my own money from the years that I worked, inheritance and investments. I do not know if your marriage has the dynamics that this will work for you.

[Anonymous]

Am I an outlier here? Until I was 8, my mom was at home and dad worked. My mom had three kids, had been a teacher, had a masters degree, but she sure as heck didn't spend her whole day "engaging" with us. Sure, she played with us, and taught us things. But she also cooked, cleaned, volunteered for a bunch of things at church and school, and loved to read. We played with each other, neighborhood kids, and our pets. We came up with all kinds of crazy, creative schemes that no one had to guide us through. My dad worked hard, traveled a good deal for work, and still managed to do most of the outside house maintenance and repairs, bill paying, etc. When my mom went back to work, we didn't hire a cleaning service, because she had three kids who were expected to do chores. From mid-elementary school until we were out of the house, we were expected to mop, vacuum, dust, fold laundry, help cook, wash dishes, etc. And, yes, we kids all still had time for extracurricular activities and got good grades. Am I the only one in DC who lives like this today? I work 3/4 time and DH works full time, but between us we still manage to get everything done. My kids (10 and 8) have chores to do. When they're finished, they play and entertain themselves while DH and I tend to other responsibilities. I think it's really important to teach kids to value and take care of their home, that they are responsible for the messes they make, and that they have duties to help the household run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I an outlier here? Until I was 8, my mom was at home and dad worked. My mom had three kids, had been a teacher, had a masters degree, but she sure as heck didn't spend her whole day "engaging" with us. Sure, she played with us, and taught us things. But she also cooked, cleaned, volunteered for a bunch of things at church and school, and loved to read. We played with each other, neighborhood kids, and our pets. We came up with all kinds of crazy, creative schemes that no one had to guide us through. My dad worked hard, traveled a good deal for work, and still managed to do most of the outside house maintenance and repairs, bill paying, etc. When my mom went back to work, we didn't hire a cleaning service, because she had three kids who were expected to do chores. From mid-elementary school until we were out of the house, we were expected to mop, vacuum, dust, fold laundry, help cook, wash dishes, etc. And, yes, we kids all still had time for extracurricular activities and got good grades. Am I the only one in DC who lives like this today? I work 3/4 time and DH works full time, but between us we still manage to get everything done. My kids (10 and 8) have chores to do. When they're finished, they play and entertain themselves while DH and I tend to other responsibilities. I think it's really important to teach kids to value and take care of their home, that they are responsible for the messes they make, and that they have duties to help the household run.

It's not an exclusive all/or thing. I have a part time housekeeper but my kids (4.5 and under) are taught to dress themselves in mornings (when age appropriate), at least throw duvet over bed, take dishes to sink, ask to be excused, 4.5 has household "chores", but at least at these young ages there's only so much time they can be left alone to play for safety reasons. 4.5 and 2.5 have just began going out to yard on their own and I love it but I need to supervise pretty often check in - we have a large yard. If I didn't have a housekeeper I'd have to force them to stay indoors while I cook and within earshot while also wrangling a baby. This gives more freedom for all. I totally agree with your thoughts in theory - just think there are many ways to go about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^ it is so weird to hear moms (and it is always moms, never dads) in their monologues with their babies. Give them a break! Not every trip to Whole Foods need to be an educational thing. Your kid will be ok if he doesn't learn that kale is high in Vitamin D until he is 2.

Dad here. I talked to my kids when they were infants all the time, and sang often (sadly off key and in public, but I'm just that kind of dorky dad).

Our older ds reads 4 grades above, gets all As, and is in AAP. I would like to think I did my part there (though more likely it's her moms genes since she is whip smart).

Narrating the day is different than what you did, which is called being a parent. Have you ever met a parent who doesn't talk to their infant?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I an outlier here? Until I was 8, my mom was at home and dad worked. My mom had three kids, had been a teacher, had a masters degree, but she sure as heck didn't spend her whole day "engaging" with us. Sure, she played with us, and taught us things. But she also cooked, cleaned, volunteered for a bunch of things at church and school, and loved to read. We played with each other, neighborhood kids, and our pets. We came up with all kinds of crazy, creative schemes that no one had to guide us through. My dad worked hard, traveled a good deal for work, and still managed to do most of the outside house maintenance and repairs, bill paying, etc. When my mom went back to work, we didn't hire a cleaning service, because she had three kids who were expected to do chores. From mid-elementary school until we were out of the house, we were expected to mop, vacuum, dust, fold laundry, help cook, wash dishes, etc. And, yes, we kids all still had time for extracurricular activities and got good grades. Am I the only one in DC who lives like this today? I work 3/4 time and DH works full time, but between us we still manage to get everything done. My kids (10 and 8) have chores to do. When they're finished, they play and entertain themselves while DH and I tend to other responsibilities. I think it's really important to teach kids to value and take care of their home, that they are responsible for the messes they make, and that they have duties to help the household run.

Well, you very unlikely remember your baby/toddler years and you likely have only a vague memory of your preschool years. I volunteered and read, etc when my kids were 8 because they were in school. But when I had an infant and a 2 year old to take care of there were days when it was hard to just get a shower in...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you asking if you can hire a cleaning lady/housekeeper? Of course you can if your finances permit. I'm a SAHM with young children and have a housekeeper 3x/week. She does the deep cleaning/tidying, laundry for the entire family and some food prep. I recommend it. Of course, with young children at home - especially the 2-4 set, even with a housekeeper I find myself constantly picking up, cooking and doing food prep -- but it is way less this way.

What is is that you do, exactly?

Presumably, enjoying her life with her children!...and doesn't feel the need to be bitchy. Like you do.