Do you regret being childless by choice later in life?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:You should post this in the Fifty and Over forum.

But my answer is no. I am 62 with no kids, and although I am a preschool teacher, I have always known that children were not the right choice for me.

I would love grandchildren, however!

I find it interesting you're a preschool teacher who doesn't want kids. I would rather die before being a teacher. I dislike being around others' children. However, I adore my own!! I would think if you don't want your own you wouldn't want to be around children in general.

That is a stupid assumption to make. I am 32 and childless but am a nanny. I enjoy working with children but have no desire to be a mom. You can't compare working with kids to having your own. It isn't rare either, I know a lot of childless women who work with children. We aren't all children haters as we don't want our own either.

Agree that it's a stupid assumption as well. One of my colleagues does not want kids but she is a prosecutor specializing in child sexual abuse. She is the biggest champion of children I can imagine. She is wonderful with them--the most damaged and scared children out there. She loves her job and is incredible at it.

Do you really think a prosecutor who specializes in child sexual abuse interacts with children nearly as much as a preschool teacher. Yes, I think most people would assume that the type of person who would want to be a preschool teacher would also want to have children of their own.

Don't be ridiculous. As was said before, Just because someone works directly with children, it does not mean they want their own. Working with kids versus having your own is a completely different ball game.
Why can't people just accept that we don't all want the same things in life and that we define success and fulfillment in different ways?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can see how someone might not want to raise kids. But it's hard for me to imagine how an older person wouldn't want to have adult kids. I have to imagine that on some level there is a certain regret that they don't have adult kids around, even if they don't think raising children would have been worth it.

You can imagine? Uh, okay. How about you imagine the opposite, which most childfree people have confirmed.

Why in the world would a person not desire to have a relationship with an adult child of their own?

Are you kidding? You think that's the only important relationship in a person's life?

Of course it's not the only important relationship, but it's HUGE, and incredibly rewarding. I certainly very much enjoy having an adult relationship with my own parents, as they certainly do as well. I think this is true in the vast majority of cases unless there is some sort of estranged relationship, but that's not the norm. Why in the world wouldn't someone want to experience 30-40 years of having a relationship with their own adult child? A stage that lasts far, far, longer than the child-rearing years.

[Anonymous]

For people who say your grown up kids will look after you? My friends stepdaughter is 27, in the throes of a heavy psychiatric illness and being cared for in the familly home by my friend and her DH. Kind of puts a kink in that argument that this is what kids are good for in later life.
Another friend has a DD who is 32, single and still at home. Work that out.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

We are both on this forum on a Sunday afternoon. Why do you assume that this is a small break for you, in the midst of all your other exciting activities of the day, but not for me?

[Anonymous]

I doubt it. I love my child. But I would have lived a happy, but different life without him. If you do not have a child, you really do not know the joys and pain of having them. Ypu cannot miss what you do not know.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I can see how someone might not want to raise kids. But it's hard for me to imagine how an older person wouldn't want to have adult kids. I have to imagine that on some level there is a certain regret that they don't have adult kids around, even if they don't think raising children would have been worth it.

You can imagine? Uh, okay. How about you imagine the opposite, which most childfree people have confirmed.

Why in the world would a person not desire to have a relationship with an adult child of their own?

Are you kidding? You think that's the only important relationship in a person's life?

Of course it's not the only important relationship, but it's HUGE, and incredibly rewarding. I certainly very much enjoy having an adult relationship with my own parents, as they certainly do as well. I think this is true in the vast majority of cases unless there is some sort of estranged relationship, but that's not the norm. Why in the world wouldn't someone want to experience 30-40 years of having a relationship with their own adult child? A stage that lasts far, far, longer than the child-rearing years.

Do you have any actual statistics or research to back that up? I actually don't think that's true. I think there's a lot more dysfunction in adult child-parent relationships than what you realize.

And that is the problem with these threads: people assume their experience is the defining experience, is the norm. It's impossible to fathom that maybe not everyone -- maybe not even most people -- have their experience.

Even though the child-rearing years don't last long, the effects of them can be long-lasting. You assume it all ends well! But look around. Often, the child-rearing years add just the right amount of stress to break a marriage. Or a woman opts out of working and is never able to fully get back to being financially independent. Or those years change the dynamic of a relationship in such a way that it never recovers, even if they stay married. Not to mention, the child care issue doesn't end when the kids starts school. There's after care, activities, camp. These things can be impossible for two working parents -- who work in inflexible careers -- to juggle. Or the teenage years end up being far more challenging.

I'm not saying those things happen all of the time. But this suggestion that "it's just a few years of breastfeeding and then it's all downhill from there!" is BS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can see how someone might not want to raise kids. But it's hard for me to imagine how an older person wouldn't want to have adult kids. I have to imagine that on some level there is a certain regret that they don't have adult kids around, even if they don't think raising children would have been worth it.

You can imagine? Uh, okay. How about you imagine the opposite, which most childfree people have confirmed.

Why in the world would a person not desire to have a relationship with an adult child of their own?

NP here. I'm childfree and an introvert. To answer your question, I don't actually like most people. I have very close friends, but there are many people in my life I just tolerate -- family and coworkers. I think to myself, what if I don't like my child? More likely, what if I don't like their spouse? And if I had grandchildren, ugh, I'd have to feign interest in them, wouldn't I? I'd much rather just do my own thing, hopefully with my spouse (someone I chose rather than got stuck with) still by my side.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally understand one-and-done (I'm an only child of an only child and love being an only), but as someone who is childfree by choice, having just one seems like almost the worst situation. Your time and money are still tied up in all that comes with having kids, but it seems like the chances of having grandkids, having someone to take care of you when you're older, enjoying the "adult children" lifestyle, having at least one kid who lives near you - goes way down.

No knock on one-and-done, because I think those are all very "selfish" reasons for wanting to have kids (what they will do for you later in life). But to me, and as other posters have mentioned, the adult children and benefits they bring really seems like the big payoff in parenting, and with one child it seems like a lot riding on just one person.

I don't think that's true. Only children are often more strongly bonded to their parents. Any situation is an unknown. The only thing you say here that I think rings true is that the fewer kids you have, the less grandchildren you'll likely have (obviously).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you assume she is a lesbian?

I believe she told me about her partner being named something feminine, but it wasn't super important to me so I just don't recall.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

NP here. Wow, you are insufferable. Over-sensitive and defensive, too. Oh-so-eager to deflect and attack. You seem to protest too much. Very telling.

[Anonymous]

I think that anyone who sees or knows a loving good looking grown up child who is with their parents would think "that's the most wonderful thing!" But that is more of a fantasy than a reality. All kinds of children are different many have time consuming medical emotional educational financial burdens on their parents that are not apparent. So it's a pretty picture. But for some kinds of people they do other things in life that are so time consuming and all in that their lives are very full without children. Sure they might have a regret from one or another time. But that's not to say that parents don't have regrets also. As for taking care of you when you are old sadly the statistics don't back that up at all.

[Anonymous]

lol it's Sunday and I am waiting for the timer to finish! Life is very full. New poster.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

NP here. Wow, you are insufferable. Over-sensitive and defensive, too. Oh-so-eager to deflect and attack. You seem to protest too much. Very telling.

Completely different PP here (childless/free as well). I think both posters are kind of insufferable. The parent poster really minimizes very legitimate concerns people have about having kids. The childfree poster who responds is defensive and comes off as kind of arrogant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

We are both on this forum on a Sunday afternoon. Why do you assume that this is a small break for you, in the midst of all your other exciting activities of the day, but not for me?

Bravo! I have three children, two of whom are old enough to be working or often otherwise engaged on the weekend. I've always had my own interests and have taken some time for myself while raising my children and I'm about sick of the childless women who approach me and other mothers with snark and condescension because they assume we have no life beyond mothering. I love my kids, but they don't define me. And while I do and will miss them when they're gone, I have a million things I'm looking forward to doing when my mothering role is much smaller.