Do you regret being childless by choice later in life?

[Anonymous]

This is really interesting - I, too, know a couple where the man regrets it and the wife (as far as I can tell) doesn't seem to. It is sad though, he gets too drunk and laments it to anyone who will listen on a regular basis

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the two bosses mentioned are males.

I work with at least 4 childless by choice women and have had the conversation with them (ages 48 - 65), and none of them have any regrets.

I wonder if men just see the outcome their peers have (adult children, grandkids, fun) and don't think about all the work that would have gone into having kids. Or they have a wife who would have realistically ended up doing a disproportionate amount of the work. But for women, while they may think "Oh, it's be nice to have adult kids," they also think about all the years they wouldn't have been able to pursue their career/interests, how much work and strain it would have been for them, etc and it heads off regrets.

Men basically talk about the following things: jobs, money, sports, politics, and kids. In that order. But when grandkids come, they become topic #2. An older man without kids might feel left out of the conversational flow.

[Anonymous]

I didn't have kids until well into my 40s. I would have been fine not having them, and even now - as a parent - I love them but still know that I would have been fine never having kids.

There are other ways to have kids in your life and parenting isn't for everyone. Sadly some of us don't realize that until it's too late. I fully respect people who know themselves well enough to make the decision not to have kids.

I don't like when other people question their judgement.

[Anonymous]

I'd rather regret not having them over being one of these miserable people - https://www.facebook.com/IRegretHavingChildren/

Lots of miserableness about having kids on this board as well, although only some admit it.

[Anonymous]

I loved having kids. We had a wibderful family. Now my kids are dispersed around the country, quite involved in their own lives. They are not planning on having children. The robust family life we thought we would have is not happening. So, no guarantees for everyone. Kind of brokenhearted.

[Anonymous]

I think if you have reached the age of 40 without kids you have made a default decision to not have them. In a few short years your friends from your generation will be empty nesters and will be more like colleagues than your kids. Regrets? I don't know. But you have been an adult for 22 years without them so far ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the two bosses mentioned are males.

I work with at least 4 childless by choice women and have had the conversation with them (ages 48 - 65), and none of them have any regrets.

I wonder if men just see the outcome their peers have (adult children, grandkids, fun) and don't think about all the work that would have gone into having kids. Or they have a wife who would have realistically ended up doing a disproportionate amount of the work. But for women, while they may think "Oh, it's be nice to have adult kids," they also think about all the years they wouldn't have been able to pursue their career/interests, how much work and strain it would have been for them, etc and it heads off regrets.

Men have less to lose by having kids. Men typically work until retirement regardless of whether they have or don't have children. The women bear most of the burden, especially psychically. Wealthy men especially love having children as the financial hit isn't felt as badly by them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My aunt now has regrets. She was one of those people who had a very full life of work and travel all through her forties and fifties. Now she wishes she had adult children like my mother does. I don't think you can predict.

Why, specifically? Are you your mother's best friend?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should post this in the Fifty and Over forum.

But my answer is no. I am 62 with no kids, and although I am a preschool teacher, I have always known that children were not the right choice for me.

I would love grandchildren, however!

I find it interesting you're a preschool teacher who doesn't want kids. I would rather die before being a teacher. I dislike being around others' children. However, I adore my own!! I would think if you don't want your own you wouldn't want to be around children in general.

That is a stupid assumption to make. I am 32 and childless but am a nanny. I enjoy working with children but have no desire to be a mom. You can't compare working with kids to having your own. It isn't rare either, I know a lot of childless women who work with children. We aren't all children haters as we don't want our own either.

[Anonymous]

The people I know who are childless by choice seem to have moments of regret occasionally, but regret certainly doesn't define their lives. I think we all play the "what if" game sometimes.

[Anonymous]

My kids need grandarents. Our own are passed or unavailable. Anyone want some?

[Anonymous]

Based on the men and women I know, it seems that it may go in waves. Whether it is a sign of love, really, power, or wealth, or most likely a mix, older man I know are very happy to have grandchildren. And older men without children or grandchildren seem to be the odd man out much more so than during the high points of their careers. For women, there seems to be a shift in the late 40s or early 50s where what the woman has done as a career, or whether she has had a career at all, is much less defining socially. It is not that everything becomes about the grandkids, but careers, which are often a key component in someone decided not to have children, seem to lose a bit of their importance in terms of a woman's self identity. Other things come to the four, whether children, helping ailing parents, medical issues, divorces, or just the ends and outs of seeing more of the world over time. For women who decided against having children specifically due to wanting to focus more on their careers, I have seen among my friends regret that kicks in at this stage. Though I do think we all look back and assess our decisions and wonder how another path would have played out.

[Anonymous]

My sister just pretends my kids are hers when she's around them and is fine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kids need grandarents. Our own are passed or unavailable. Anyone want some?

Not old enough to be a grandma (47) but I can and will be a benevolent and fun auntie! -- childless not by choice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should post this in the Fifty and Over forum.

But my answer is no. I am 62 with no kids, and although I am a preschool teacher, I have always known that children were not the right choice for me.

I would love grandchildren, however!

I find it interesting you're a preschool teacher who doesn't want kids. I would rather die before being a teacher. I dislike being around others' children. However, I adore my own!! I would think if you don't want your own you wouldn't want to be around children in general.

That is a stupid assumption to make. I am 32 and childless but am a nanny. I enjoy working with children but have no desire to be a mom. You can't compare working with kids to having your own. It isn't rare either, I know a lot of childless women who work with children. We aren't all children haters as we don't want our own either.

+1. Some of my best teachers were child-free by choice.