Do you regret being childless by choice later in life?

[Anonymous]

I have a number of middle age friends who are childless by choice. I wonder if they have regrets as old age approaches.

[Anonymous]

You should post this in the Fifty and Over forum.

But my answer is no. I am 62 with no kids, and although I am a preschool teacher, I have always known that children were not the right choice for me.

I would love grandchildren, however!

[Anonymous]

Thing about grandchildren though is having kids is no guarantee of grandkids. It just gives you a better chance. ?

[Anonymous]

Great article on this topic: http://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/

I don't have regrets (yet), but I'd rather regret not having kids than having them. Having kids is an inherently selfish act, even thought it requires a lot of selflessness to actually complete. If you don't think you want them, it's much better not to and not worry about if you might feel differently later.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You should post this in the Fifty and Over forum.

But my answer is no. I am 62 with no kids, and although I am a preschool teacher, I have always known that children were not the right choice for me.

I would love grandchildren, however!

I find it interesting you're a preschool teacher who doesn't want kids. I would rather die before being a teacher. I dislike being around others' children. However, I adore my own!! I would think if you don't want your own you wouldn't want to be around children in general.

[Anonymous]

My former boss has them, yes. He told me it started around mid 60s.

[Anonymous]

At a certain age, older family members, friends and spouses start dying off. You go to more funerals than weddings. If you don't have the next generation, who will look after you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My former boss has them, yes. He told me it started around mid 60s.

My colleague also regretted it, when he was in his 50s.

[Anonymous]

I have two female friends childless by choice. No regrets for them.

I was going to say my uncle.....but his was circumstance. He was never able to have kids. He's sad without them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At a certain age, older family members, friends and spouses start dying off. You go to more funerals than weddings. If you don't have the next generation, who will look after you?

It's a crapshoot if your kids will take care of you too, though. Especially if you only have one or two, there is a decent chance they will live in a different part of the world/country (that maybe would be hard for you to move to for financial or other reasons), that they'll become estranged, that their lives will be incredibly busy at the time you need care, that they aren't equipped to give you the care you need, that they may die or have their own medical issues, they could be too young when you need care if you have early onset issues/had kids late, etc.

Counting on kids to take care of you as you age is 1) pretty selfish and 2) a super bad plan if you have less than 4 kids.

Everyone should plan financially to be able to hire paid care, and I agree its important to have relationships in your lives where someone could help make sure that is quality care. Doesn't have to be kids though - nieces, nephews, strong community ties, younger siblings, etc.

Bonus of not having kids if you don't want them anyway - you're not spending the $250K or whatever the figure is that it costs to raise a kid, so you can put that towards your financial plan.

[Anonymous]

Interesting the two bosses mentioned are males.

I work with at least 4 childless by choice women and have had the conversation with them (ages 48 - 65), and none of them have any regrets.

I wonder if men just see the outcome their peers have (adult children, grandkids, fun) and don't think about all the work that would have gone into having kids. Or they have a wife who would have realistically ended up doing a disproportionate amount of the work. But for women, while they may think "Oh, it's be nice to have adult kids," they also think about all the years they wouldn't have been able to pursue their career/interests, how much work and strain it would have been for them, etc and it heads off regrets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the two bosses mentioned are males.

I work with at least 4 childless by choice women and have had the conversation with them (ages 48 - 65), and none of them have any regrets.

I wonder if men just see the outcome their peers have (adult children, grandkids, fun) and don't think about all the work that would have gone into having kids. Or they have a wife who would have realistically ended up doing a disproportionate amount of the work. But for women, while they may think "Oh, it's be nice to have adult kids," they also think about all the years they wouldn't have been able to pursue their career/interests, how much work and strain it would have been for them, etc and it heads off regrets.

Agree with this theory

[Anonymous]

My aunt now has regrets. She was one of those people who had a very full life of work and travel all through her forties and fifties. Now she wishes she had adult children like my mother does. I don't think you can predict.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Interesting the two bosses mentioned are males.

I work with at least 4 childless by choice women and have had the conversation with them (ages 48 - 65), and none of them have any regrets.

I wonder if men just see the outcome their peers have (adult children, grandkids, fun) and don't think about all the work that would have gone into having kids. Or they have a wife who would have realistically ended up doing a disproportionate amount of the work. But for women, while they may think "Oh, it's be nice to have adult kids," they also think about all the years they wouldn't have been able to pursue their career/interests, how much work and strain it would have been for them, etc and it heads off regrets.

Agree with this theory

+1

[Anonymous]

Nope.