Do you regret being childless by choice later in life?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

We are both on this forum on a Sunday afternoon. Why do you assume that this is a small break for you, in the midst of all your other exciting activities of the day, but not for me?

Bravo! I have three children, two of whom are old enough to be working or often otherwise engaged on the weekend. I've always had my own interests and have taken some time for myself while raising my children and I'm about sick of the childless women who approach me and other mothers with snark and condescension because they assume we have no life beyond mothering. I love my kids, but they don't define me. And while I do and will miss them when they're gone, I have a million things I'm looking forward to doing when my mothering role is much smaller.

Have you not read this entire thread? So let me get this straight: It's okay for moms to tell childless women that they're lives are meaningless and they're going to die alone, but you don't won't anyone implying you don't have any other interests?

Suck it up. Mothers get ENDLESS validation about their meaning and worth and blah, blah, blah. And then they go on to suggest that women without children are basically living empty lives. But they don't know why, after suggesting that, women without children might question, well, maybe if you think my life is so meaningless and horrible without kids, then maybe that means you don't have much of a life aside from your kids?

You don't see that that's a direct reaction to the BS people say to childless women?

FFS. I agree that that other childless PP was snarky. But I get where it comes from. You wouldn't believe the nasty things women have said to me because I don't have children. And yes, when they say those things, it makes me think that they have no life beyond mothering -- BECAUSE THEY ARE BASICALLY SUGGESTING THAT MOTHERING IS THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING IN THEIR LIVES.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

We are both on this forum on a Sunday afternoon. Why do you assume that this is a small break for you, in the midst of all your other exciting activities of the day, but not for me?

Bravo! I have three children, two of whom are old enough to be working or often otherwise engaged on the weekend. I've always had my own interests and have taken some time for myself while raising my children and I'm about sick of the childless women who approach me and other mothers with snark and condescension because they assume we have no life beyond mothering. I love my kids, but they don't define me. And while I do and will miss them when they're gone, I have a million things I'm looking forward to doing when my mothering role is much smaller.

Have you not read this entire thread? So let me get this straight: It's okay for moms to tell childless women that they're lives are meaningless and they're going to die alone, but you don't won't anyone implying you don't have any other interests?

Suck it up. Mothers get ENDLESS validation about their meaning and worth and blah, blah, blah. And then they go on to suggest that women without children are basically living empty lives. But they don't know why, after suggesting that, women without children might question, well, maybe if you think my life is so meaningless and horrible without kids, then maybe that means you don't have much of a life aside from your kids?

You don't see that that's a direct reaction to the BS people say to childless women?

FFS. I agree that that other childless PP was snarky. But I get where it comes from. You wouldn't believe the nasty things women have said to me because I don't have children. And yes, when they say those things, it makes me think that they have no life beyond mothering -- BECAUSE THEY ARE BASICALLY SUGGESTING THAT MOTHERING IS THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING IN THEIR LIVES.

I have not seen a single parent poster on this thread suggest that being a mother is the only important thing in their life. I have seen a childless poster jump to such a conclusion with absolutely nothing to base it on.

[Anonymous]

Because we as childless women are seen to not have a focus or if we are aged between 26-38 and still childless, we are of course desperate for children and only until that happens will we be worthwhile human beings. Trust me, as a 32 year old childless woman, I get some disgraceful comments

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Because we as childless women are seen to not have a focus or if we are aged between 26-38 and still childless, we are of course desperate for children and only until that happens will we be worthwhile human beings. Trust me, as a 32 year old childless woman, I get some disgraceful comments

What do they say to you?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 32 year old childfree (by choice) woman, married 4 years, and don't get many comments at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a 32 year old childfree (by choice) woman, married 4 years, and don't get many comments at all.

That's because you have 10 child bearing years left in you and things could change and some of those people will be assuming that.

[Anonymous]

I am the nanny poster, PP. When I worked in daycare, it would automatically be assumed I would want kids so the moms would say 'When you have kids' and 'You will be able to bring your kids to the daycare in the future.'Just total assumptions. Co workers have questioned me as to why I don't want them, not accepting my answers and even the cleaning lady said I would be making a huge mistake as I would have nobody to care for me in later life.
I have also been called selfish, unnatural and weird as well as people assuming I have a very easy life. It's relentless and worse because of my career choice. Some just can't seem to get their head around the fact that not all women want kids, it is infuriating to keep defending it and as has been seen on this thread, people have some very strange and small minded ideas around childless women.

[Anonymous]

I had someone assume I did nothing because I had no children. Like, they couldn't imagine what I might be doing with my life other than raising kids. That gets tiresome and, again, I am childless NOT BY CHOICE, so I can imagine how someone who chooses not to have kids might receive some judgment like that. If you wanted kids and pushed them out great but understand that some people don't want them. If anything my struggle to have kids made me examine more closely WHY I wanted them whereas most people I know just made babies because it was the next thing to do on the list of life things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had someone assume I did nothing because I had no children. Like, they couldn't imagine what I might be doing with my life other than raising kids. That gets tiresome and, again, I am childless NOT BY CHOICE, so I can imagine how someone who chooses not to have kids might receive some judgment like that. If you wanted kids and pushed them out great but understand that some people don't want them. If anything my struggle to have kids made me examine more closely WHY I wanted them whereas most people I know just made babies because it was the next thing to do on the list of life things.

+1000

I am also childless, not by choice. It's a hard decision to make, not everyone wants children. If we lived in an affordable area, we would have pursued adoption or foster care. I can definitely see why many in higher cost areas would decide not to have children, for a while host if reasons.

Back to the question...do childless by choice people have any regrets?

I do, but I am childless due to infertility and lack of money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am child free and don't regret it. This world and this country is not kind to women with children. Maternity leave in the US is a bad joke.
It seems like the country promotes immigration more than reproduction of its own women. Pumping breast milk at work - you got to be kidding me, it's cruel to women and babies that are separated from their moms at such young age. So no, no regrets.

Really, so you decided not to have kids because of maternity leave and finding it difficult to pump at work?

Perhaps it's one of many reasons. What, is that not enough of an explanation for you?

Because maternity leave and breastfeeding are such small, minuscule stages of what is involved in having offspring for the rest of your life.

Okay, why aren't you currently doing all those end all be all activities with your children, instead of spending your Sunday on the internet.

My kids are high school age. I don't spend my entire Sundays with them anymore.

That's too bad. So the only important adult relationships you have aren't around anymore, so you spend your sundays on an anonymous Internet forum. Childfree here, and have things to do with the rest of my day. Most importantly, to spend time with other adults I have relationships with.

We are both on this forum on a Sunday afternoon. Why do you assume that this is a small break for you, in the midst of all your other exciting activities of the day, but not for me?

Bravo! I have three children, two of whom are old enough to be working or often otherwise engaged on the weekend. I've always had my own interests and have taken some time for myself while raising my children and I'm about sick of the childless women who approach me and other mothers with snark and condescension because they assume we have no life beyond mothering. I love my kids, but they don't define me. And while I do and will miss them when they're gone, I have a million things I'm looking forward to doing when my mothering role is much smaller.

Have you not read this entire thread? So let me get this straight: It's okay for moms to tell childless women that they're lives are meaningless and they're going to die alone, but you don't won't anyone implying you don't have any other interests?

Suck it up. Mothers get ENDLESS validation about their meaning and worth and blah, blah, blah. And then they go on to suggest that women without children are basically living empty lives. But they don't know why, after suggesting that, women without children might question, well, maybe if you think my life is so meaningless and horrible without kids, then maybe that means you don't have much of a life aside from your kids?

You don't see that that's a direct reaction to the BS people say to childless women?

FFS. I agree that that other childless PP was snarky. But I get where it comes from. You wouldn't believe the nasty things women have said to me because I don't have children. And yes, when they say those things, it makes me think that they have no life beyond mothering -- BECAUSE THEY ARE BASICALLY SUGGESTING THAT MOTHERING IS THE ONLY IMPORTANT THING IN THEIR LIVES.

I have not seen a single parent poster on this thread suggest that being a mother is the only important thing in their life. I have seen a childless poster jump to such a conclusion with absolutely nothing to base it on.

People IRL have said that to me. My point to PP was that perhaps the childless PP is reacting to comments like that said to her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had someone assume I did nothing because I had no children. Like, they couldn't imagine what I might be doing with my life other than raising kids. That gets tiresome and, again, I am childless NOT BY CHOICE, so I can imagine how someone who chooses not to have kids might receive some judgment like that. If you wanted kids and pushed them out great but understand that some people don't want them. If anything my struggle to have kids made me examine more closely WHY I wanted them whereas most people I know just made babies because it was the next thing to do on the list of life things.

+1000

I am also childless, not by choice. It's a hard decision to make, not everyone wants children. If we lived in an affordable area, we would have pursued adoption or foster care. I can definitely see why many in higher cost areas would decide not to have children, for a while host if reasons.

Back to the question...do childless by choice people have any regrets?

I do, but I am childless due to infertility and lack of money.

And it's also painful for some of the mommy martyrs (which I admit is not every or even most moms) who don't know your story to assume all these uncharitable things about you because you don't have kids when you would give up an appendage to be a mom. That's when I get kinda stabby and wanna shank a bish.

[Anonymous]

I'm 47, childless *kind of* by choice, and a teacher. I spend my life around children and mostly love it (I teach Kindergarten). But at the same time it has slaked my desire to have my own and affirmed to me that I made the right choice. I will say I've lost friendships and family (cousin) relationships simply because these people were completely consumed by mothering. They had or perceived they had so little time for anything else that after a while I just stopped reaching out. It was fruitless (and I'm a "kid friendly" person).

[Anonymous]

I am the nanny poster PP and I agree, if anything working with kids has made me even more sure I don't want my own.
People don't realise that there are often very deep and personal reasons as to why someone doesn't have kids. For me, I wouldn't want to pass on the many mental illnesses that are in my family and that is just the cusp of me wanting to remain childfree. That is why it is so wrong to question a childless women, it is nobodys business but everyone seems to think it is.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My aunt now has regrets. She was one of those people who had a very full life of work and travel all through her forties and fifties. Now she wishes she had adult children like my mother does. I don't think you can predict.

Why, specifically? Are you your mother's best friend?

Actually yes my mama m and I are quite close but I have two brothers as well. She has six grandchildren so far.

Does she do things like travel, and have interests like art, literature, etc.? Or is she more family oriented, offering to babysit, etc.? Or perhaps, both? I ask because it seems like aunt feels like she's missing out on and I'm curious what exactly she thinks she's missing?

Yes my mother is very family oriented. She bought a condo near me and one near my brother and splits her time between us. I don't think my aunt ever envied my mother her family life until very recently, like the last 5-10 years as my brothers and I settled down and started marrying and reproducing. I guess they've been having some tension about it. I think my aunt is a little lonely.

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for people who never had kids. Not really those who were always firm and unwavering in their dislike of kids but more those who were on the fence and might have had them had circumstances been different (money, infertility, job constraints, no partner/met partner late in life). It's such a huge, enriching part of life. I can't imagine missing such a fundamental experience.