Why do people who have kids literally drop off the face of the earth?

[Anonymous]

If you have 4 friends, they can't hang out in groups? I have a core group of friends and we each have separate friends (from childhold/college/work) as well. My core group of friends pretty much gets together everything weekend. Usually a Friday after work in the city. Every once in while we might schedule something midweek if the weather is especially nice, there's a promotion to celebrate, or someone needs to vent. Not everyone shows up for every outing. One of my gfs is a planner and was like that pre-marriage so I know to invite her 2-3 weeks out if I want to see her. I'm one of the regulars, so I'm out 3-4 times a month. I have another set of gfs and we have kids around the same ages. We tend to meet up with our kids but include some adult fun (wine, sleepovers for the kids but we stay over and chat and watch movies in another room). Our kids are really close and beg to see each other so this works wonderfully. This also gives our SOs/spouses a break. No these are not weekly or even monthly occurrences but they're a regular thing.

I have tons of family in the area and usually run into relatives at my grandparents' house on Sundays. Date nights are still happening a few times a month. I look forward to social outings so it doesn't seem exhausting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their kids are more important than you are. Deal with it

well, that's a poor attitude, isn't it? they could learn how to include me, I was their friend before they had kids, I should still be considered.

Sorry, op but you are not as important as your friends' kids. Sorry you feel this way but, nobody owes you anything. Kids need their parents to be involved and teach them how to be good citizens. You don't sound grown-up because you are making demands on them and have no right to do so. Give them time and find something/someone else to do something with until their kids grow up a bit.

[Anonymous]

I really love hanging out with my kids. It's not you, they are a lot of fun.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Their kids are more important than you are. Deal with it

well, that's a poor attitude, isn't it? they could learn how to include me, I was their friend before they had kids, I should still be considered.

Sorry, op but you are not as important as your friends' kids. Sorry you feel this way but, nobody owes you anything. Kids need their parents to be involved and teach them how to be good citizens. You don't sound grown-up because you are making demands on them and have no right to do so. Give them time and find something/someone else to do something with until their kids grow up a bit.

This. Nobody owes you continued friendship, that's not how friendship works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the hardest part to understand is the complete lack of "me" time when you are a parent and what that does. Before I had kids, once my work day was done, it was my choice on how to spend the rest of my time. I could socialize and relax and exercise at times of my choosing and often do all three in a single day. I chose my bedtime, my work wake up and departure time, and could spend time with myself. As a parent, most of that is blown away. You are responsible for keeping other people alive and need to work to their schedule. The children want to be around you. When you finally get a child-free and task-free time, unless you are a massive extrovert, you want to spend a bit of time just being, and not with other people. Only once your me-recharge time has added up a bit do you feel like seeing other people.

This. I would need about a million hours in pure solitude before I would ever be interested in friends who are not my dearest inner circle.

[Anonymous]

They exhaust you, they take all your time and your money. And when you do finally get a moment all to yourself...all you want to do is collapse in a recliner with a beer and nod off to the t.v.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Ha! Too funny. I'm a near-tenured professor. I assure you I'm not fratting out. I'm talking about things like wine tastings, coffee, art museums, etc. Not stupid shit kids in their 20s do in DC like softball leagues or kickball.

Hi near-tenured professor. We (DH and I) want to do these grown-up things like coffee, wine tasting, art museums etc. But we are sleep deprived and we have to do kid stuff. The consequence of not doing these horribly mundane and exhausting stuff means that we fall behind to the extent that it is difficult to catch up. Plus we have to work, do house stuff, take care of work projects, health problems of our elderly parents and sick kids and basically be parents.

Will you still be around when we become empty nesters? Because that will probably be the time that we emerge from our parental fog.

On the other hand, if you promise not be judgmental and drop by for just a pizza and beer in a chaotic household, we would love to see you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't like your improper use of the word "literally" and they've shunned you.

That was my first thought - even more so when he declared himself a near-tenured professor.

[Anonymous]

A better question is this: why does an almost tenured professor not know the correct use of the word literally?

[Anonymous]

OP here. People think your digs about my grammar/prose are hurting. They aren't. This isn't a peer reviewed journal article. Trust me, I have plenty of those. It's a message board. Slang is LITERALLY okay, y'all. =)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. People think your digs about my grammar/prose are hurting. They aren't. This isn't a peer reviewed journal article. Trust me, I have plenty of those. It's a message board. Slang is LITERALLY okay, y'all. =)

It's not just your grammar people dislike. It's your assholery.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. People think your digs about my grammar/prose are hurting. They aren't. This isn't a peer reviewed journal article. Trust me, I have plenty of those. It's a message board. Slang is LITERALLY okay, y'all. =)

It's not just your grammar people dislike. It's your assholery.

No qualms with that. It's a badge of honor in academia. Guilty as charged. =)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. People think your digs about my grammar/prose are hurting. They aren't. This isn't a peer reviewed journal article. Trust me, I have plenty of those. It's a message board. Slang is LITERALLY okay, y'all. =)

It's not just your grammar people dislike. It's your assholery.

No qualms with that. It's a badge of honor in academia. Guilty as charged. =)

Why do you keep bringing up your academic credentials when they have nothing to do with your OP?

You sound not only judgmental (hating on softball & kickball), but pretentious (i.e., wine tastings, art).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. People think your digs about my grammar/prose are hurting. They aren't. This isn't a peer reviewed journal article. Trust me, I have plenty of those. It's a message board. Slang is LITERALLY okay, y'all. =)

It's not just your grammar people dislike. It's your assholery.

No qualms with that. It's a badge of honor in academia. Guilty as charged. =)

Why do you keep bringing up your academic credentials when they have nothing to do with your OP?

You sound not only judgmental (hating on softball & kickball), but pretentious (i.e., wine tastings, art).

And at the same time, so self centered and lacking insight into how adult relationships work, despite his academic credentials. At least the mystery of why OP's friends ditch him is solved.

[Anonymous]

Yes, OP, it's a time issue, combined with the fact that you are now full time responsible for the life, life-and-death 24/7, of another human being that is helpless to care for themselves for at least 15 years. Whew.