Why do people who have kids literally drop off the face of the earth?

[Anonymous]

I'm a DW and mine DH doesn't allow me to go anywhere. He also doesn't go anywhere since he has no friends. He sees his brother only when I'm at work. Almost never when we are all home. Maybe one time when his other brothers were in town and I was too tired and so was the toddler.
He is always with us and expects me to be always with them unless at work. I haven't seen my friends in few years.
So tiring. Wish he'd get a hobby and get out of the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a DW and mine DH doesn't allow me to go anywhere. He also doesn't go anywhere since he has no friends. He sees his brother only when I'm at work. Almost never when we are all home. Maybe one time when his other brothers were in town and I was too tired and so was the toddler.
He is always with us and expects me to be always with them unless at work. I haven't seen my friends in few years.
So tiring. Wish he'd get a hobby and get out of the house.

This is the wrong thread for you. You need counseling about your husband's controlling nature.

[Anonymous]

Dude how have you gotten to your 30s without understanding that as life shifts happen, people fade in and out of your life? This didn't happen with your college friends? Sometimes with friends as they get married?

My best friends are the ones that put no pressure on the relationship. We can go without talking for months or even years and pick up like old times when the opportunity presents itself. Someone like you who needs relationship tending? Ain't nobody got time for that in post kid world. Try again when their kids are 7+

Totally this.

[Anonymous]

It'll get better in about five years. The early years though? Are exhausting and all consuming. Their needs are restless and never stop.

[Anonymous]

Lots of good responses here. Call your friends, ask if you can go to their how and bring dinner and a bottle of wine or a board game after their kid is in bed. They won't have to bring the kid, get a sitter, or worry. No, it isn't going out. But you can still see them and have fun.

[Anonymous]

Oh, and don't stay too late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Again, it's not that they have less time. I get that. But my guy friends with kids seem to think they have some newfound immunity from being polite and actually keeping in touch re: plans and continuing to have a friendship. Whenever we do hang out it's always "we should do this more often." But simply getting them to communicate is near impossible post kids.

They're tired. When they do get that rare down time, they probably just want to sleep or relax with a beer, not call you and make small talk.

You'll understand someday if you ever have a baby. Fwiw, it does get better after 5 + years or so. Your friends will be able to meet up again eventually. Kids grow up and become independent.

[Anonymous]

We do weekend brunch with our childless friends. We have one toddler who is remarkably chill and lives for brunch.

Maybe try to work around their schedules a bit more.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lots of good responses here. Call your friends, ask if you can go to their how and bring dinner and a bottle of wine or a board game after their kid is in bed. They won't have to bring the kid, get a sitter, or worry. No, it isn't going out. But you can still see them and have fun.

+1

having little kids is hard. for the first year or so, i was getting barely 4-5 hours sleep/night, and that was interrupted. And it was sometimes much worse, rarely much better. A lot of people I care about fell off my radar that year. DH did a little better than me in the sleep department, but he also works longer hours, travels for work more, and generally had enormous difficulty in adjusting to parent-life. once i got out of the worst of the infancy fog, I LOVED it when my friends would come over post-bedtime. and that's often how DH does friends AND business meetings now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe they don't like your improper use of the word "literally" and they've shunned you.

You beat me to the punch, not literally. Obviously not a near-tenured English professor.

[Anonymous]

Honestly if you hung out with them, all they would talk about is their kids anyway. They are doing you a favor, OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You know I do think this thread is revealing something that is rarely talked about in modern parenting. Like sure sh*$ is hard and everything and you're tired. But people LIKE spending time with their kids. I really kind of enjoy all the guys on here talking about how they really would rather spend time with their kids than going to a bar.

I feel like we should talk about how freaking cool little kids can be more often. It seems like all anyone talks about these days is cleaning up poop and vomit and walking around like a zombie barely holding on to one's sanity. I watched my kid discover what a garden hose does yesterday and it was awesome!

I think like with all things it is a balance. I love my kids, I love to spend time with them. I would also really love to go to Vegas with my buddies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly if you hung out with them, all they would talk about is their kids anyway. They are doing you a favor, OP!

Ha ha this is true! We talk about their sleep, their poop, their snot, and the fact that the kid is FREAKING AMAZING!
We (new parents) are boring and disgusting and probably a little bit incoherent, too. LMFAO because that was totally me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Relationships evolve. Have you tried going to a park/ having a picnic / etc . Where the kids can come along? You may need to involve the family to maintain the friendship. And that's ok.

Don't do this. This is coming from a childfree woman in her late 30's. Honestly, it's not worth trying to plan around your friends' kids'. Been there, done that. You'll only start resenting those friends for having to accommodate their kids' ridiculous schedules.

You do you. Meet a woman. Meet other single or divorced guys. Go to meet ups and do all the things that childfree people do like wine tasting, art, working out, etc. You'll make new friends.

[Anonymous]

Poor OP