Why do people who have kids literally drop off the face of the earth?

[Anonymous]

Let me take you on a journey through my typical day, OP:

My alarm goes off at 6:05am. I roll out of bed, get dressed, wash up, make coffee, feed our two cats, pack my lunch for work, and head out at 6:30am.

I drive 45-60min to work.

I leave work at 4:30pm and drive at least an hour back home.

My 7 month old is a sweet and easygoing baby, but is not at the age where she can play on her own, so I am consumed with taking care of her from the time I get home at 5:30 until I give her a bath and put her to bed at 7:45pm. Sometimes my husband is home by that point, and sometimes he isn't.

Once my daughter is in bed, I take care of the pets (we have 2 cats and a dog), eat dinner, try to clean the house just a little, shower, and collapse into bed around 9:30 or 10:00.

Oh, and until a month ago, my baby was still waking up to eat 1-3 times a night.

When do you propose I spend time with anyone?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me take you on a journey through my typical day, OP:

My alarm goes off at 6:05am. I roll out of bed, get dressed, wash up, make coffee, feed our two cats, pack my lunch for work, and head out at 6:30am.

I drive 45-60min to work.

I leave work at 4:30pm and drive at least an hour back home.

My 7 month old is a sweet and easygoing baby, but is not at the age where she can play on her own, so I am consumed with taking care of her from the time I get home at 5:30 until I give her a bath and put her to bed at 7:45pm. Sometimes my husband is home by that point, and sometimes he isn't.

Once my daughter is in bed, I take care of the pets (we have 2 cats and a dog), eat dinner, try to clean the house just a little, shower, and collapse into bed around 9:30 or 10:00.

Oh, and until a month ago, my baby was still waking up to eat 1-3 times a night.

When do you propose I spend time with anyone?

I'm a DH, but the primary parent - and like the OP, I didn't get why it was so impossible to do anything ever with parents...at least I didn't understand until I got a kid.

Same schedule, roughly:

Wake at 5:30 AM, make coffee, make a "breakfast" (hardboiled eggs) for DW and I, feed dog, shave/shower/dress and then out the door no later than 6:45.

Drive an hour, drop off DS at daycare, and then hit the office. work work work work - cram in an errand or two at lunch - work work work work

Race to pick up DS before 5:30 cut off, and then 1:15 commute (evening is always slower)

Immediately make DS dinner and while feeding him, work on dinner for dW and I, and feed the dog. DW thankfully takes over DS for the last hour before he goes to bed (8PM) and I finish making our dinner and maybe look at mail.

We eat at 8PM, and it's already 9PM by the time we clean up dinner...and then it's close to time to go to bed to get 8 hours in before the alarm hits at 5:30...

The last couples I knew who "disappeared" started to re-appear when the youngest was 4-5 and had mostly mastered skills/activities of daily living (changing clothes, bathing, potty trained, etc.). I look forward to that.

[Anonymous]

DH and I are in the early stages of this (DD is only 4 months old). Let me tell you, we feel like we already get next to no time with her since she goes to sleep so soon after getting home from daycare. Getting either of us to regularly give up even more precious time with her to hang out with you isn't going to happen. Every once in awhile? Sure. But it sure as sh*t won't be weekly or anywhere near that, at least until DD starts going to sleep later and we get more awake time with her on a daily basis.

[Anonymous]

Depends on the friend w/out kids op. I have a couple lovely fiends who make a point to work around my and the baby's schedule. We have standing dinner dates every couple weeks where they come over at dinner time and hang out with me and the baby. Half the time they bring me dinner (takeout or home cooked) and half the time I make an effort and cook something interesting and we sit and visit and maybe have a glass of wine on the deck and watch the sunset and talk after I put dd to sleep. I in turn make an effor to show up to weekend things they invite me to with the baby or without if she is with grandparents. I also have a couple friends without kids that always say they miss me but never take me up on coming over even to hang out and do happy hour at my house while watching the kid play or only plan activities I can't make it to given bed time and naptime limitations. Dh is deployed so it's only me and it's amazing how some friends really stepped it up and some fell off the face of the earth (the ones without kids even).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH and I are in the early stages of this (DD is only 4 months old). Let me tell you, we feel like we already get next to no time with her since she goes to sleep so soon after getting home from daycare. Getting either of us to regularly give up even more precious time with her to hang out with you isn't going to happen. Every once in awhile? Sure. But it sure as sh*t won't be weekly or anywhere near that, at least until DD starts going to sleep later and we get more awake time with her on a daily basis.

I'm the poster after you. Once she is sleeping better even if it's early and has a good bedtime, I found having people over for dinner (takeout or pizza) was actually pretty fun. Especially with it being light out late.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depends on the friend w/out kids op. I have a couple lovely fiends who make a point to work around my and the baby's schedule. We have standing dinner dates every couple weeks where they come over at dinner time and hang out with me and the baby. Half the time they bring me dinner (takeout or home cooked) and half the time I make an effort and cook something interesting and we sit and visit and maybe have a glass of wine on the deck and watch the sunset and talk after I put dd to sleep. I in turn make an effor to show up to weekend things they invite me to with the baby or without if she is with grandparents. I also have a couple friends without kids that always say they miss me but never take me up on coming over even to hang out and do happy hour at my house while watching the kid play or only plan activities I can't make it to given bed time and naptime limitations. Dh is deployed so it's only me and it's amazing how some friends really stepped it up and some fell off the face of the earth (the ones without kids even).

Totally agree. This is the big thing I think some people without kids miss: do you make it easy for people with kids to be friends with you? Or do you make it hard? Do you only ever want to do no-kids events at times when I need to be with my kids? Or are you willing to spend some time around my kids (not necessarily doing kid centered things) so we can spend time together? My kid doesn't always have to be around but if you want to just pretend like I don't have a kid, it's never going to work.

If you always make your friends with kids choose between you and the kid, you will lose.

[Anonymous]

Here's another thing I forgot to mention in my previous post: Kids need (and I mean *need*) naps until they're 4-5 years old. My daughter is 7 months old and needs 3 naps a day. She can usually make it about 2 hours in between naps. That means that our ability to go out as a family unit is very dependent on whether our friends are willing to 1) spend 2 hours with us and then part ways, or 2) deal with us trying to get our daughter down for a nap while we're out somewhere, which is a crapshoot in terms of whether it'll happen.

[Anonymous]

I've sort of found the opposite. Ever since having dd my childless friends won't include me in anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let me take you on a journey through my typical day, OP:

My alarm goes off at 6:05am. I roll out of bed, get dressed, wash up, make coffee, feed our two cats, pack my lunch for work, and head out at 6:30am.

I drive 45-60min to work.

I leave work at 4:30pm and drive at least an hour back home.

My 7 month old is a sweet and easygoing baby, but is not at the age where she can play on her own, so I am consumed with taking care of her from the time I get home at 5:30 until I give her a bath and put her to bed at 7:45pm. Sometimes my husband is home by that point, and sometimes he isn't.

Once my daughter is in bed, I take care of the pets (we have 2 cats and a dog), eat dinner, try to clean the house just a little, shower, and collapse into bed around 9:30 or 10:00.

Oh, and until a month ago, my baby was still waking up to eat 1-3 times a night.

When do you propose I spend time with anyone?

Not OP, but never. Your life sounds miserable and I don't want to listen to you complaining about it.

[Anonymous]

Frequently after having children, gravity no longer has an effect on parents and they literally drop off the face of the earth. #AlternativeFact

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me take you on a journey through my typical day, OP:

My alarm goes off at 6:05am. I roll out of bed, get dressed, wash up, make coffee, feed our two cats, pack my lunch for work, and head out at 6:30am.

I drive 45-60min to work.

I leave work at 4:30pm and drive at least an hour back home.

My 7 month old is a sweet and easygoing baby, but is not at the age where she can play on her own, so I am consumed with taking care of her from the time I get home at 5:30 until I give her a bath and put her to bed at 7:45pm. Sometimes my husband is home by that point, and sometimes he isn't.

Once my daughter is in bed, I take care of the pets (we have 2 cats and a dog), eat dinner, try to clean the house just a little, shower, and collapse into bed around 9:30 or 10:00.

Oh, and until a month ago, my baby was still waking up to eat 1-3 times a night.

When do you propose I spend time with anyone?

Not OP, but never. Your life sounds miserable and I don't want to listen to you complaining about it.

Umm, wow. I never said my life was miserable. I actually enjoy my life; I'm just saying I don't have a lot of time to spend with friends. I love my husband and my daughter, and am happy with my life.