How to find a guy who will let me be a SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stick to your guns OP. Way too many young men expect a wife who will do all the traditional stuff and work full time as well. That's TWO jobs, though many can't see it until children arrive. Consider his parents. If they had traditional roles it will make a huge difference.

I had a friend that recently divorced one of these. They split custody, he has to take care of the kids on his time now.

OP I find that most men would like this if it's affordable. Like anything make sure from date 1 the values are all the same. If not move on asap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree it's more about values and/or religion than money.

I have been at home since my oldest was born 8 years ago. My younger child goes to full time school this coming fall and my husband is starting to make noise about me working, despite the fact that he makes $250k, we save agressively and live modestly and have no debt other than our 15-year mortgage. Financially, I do NOT need to work at all. But he just doesn't value it as much as I do. I thought we were on the same page but obviously not.

Perhaps your husband is tired of having to save aggressively and live modestly?

We don't have to. We just do because that's what he wants. We are 36 and have college for two kids 100% saved for and over $500k in retirement accounts. Our mortgage will be gone when we are 50. We could certainly spend more than we do without being irresponsible. He doesn't want me to work for spending money. He wants me to work for even more savings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not want to have to struggle as I am trying to raise my children. It is important to me that I can be home with them and give them everything they need and deserve.

I want to marry a man who can be a good provider and is okay with me putting the children first.

What should be my game plan?

Do engineers make good husbands?

It's across the board. M,ake sure you both have similar values in just about everything. My friend stayed home, her husband is a superintendent for a construction company. He makes good money, and she loves her life. Both are very happy, so make sure you and your future husband are on the same page. It's as simple as that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My friend did this. She was in her 30s going nowhere as a college drop out waitress. She met a doctor and pretty much gave BJs daily and did all kinds of crazy sex until he put her on a monthly allowance and then married her. They have no kids and she stays home doing nothing all day. Husband says she gives the best BJ he's ever had. He's also mean to her, calls her out for having no job and no education and she's completely controlled by him. Good luck!

What an idiot.

(I mean him.... for marrying her.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not want to have to struggle as I am trying to raise my children. It is important to me that I can be home with them and give them everything they need and deserve.

I want to marry a man who can be a good provider and is okay with me putting the children first.

What should be my game plan?

Do engineers make good husbands?

What happened to the father of your children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friend did this. She was in her 30s going nowhere as a college drop out waitress. She met a doctor and pretty much gave BJs daily and did all kinds of crazy sex until he put her on a monthly allowance and then married her. They have no kids and she stays home doing nothing all day. Husband says she gives the best BJ he's ever had. He's also mean to her, calls her out for having no job and no education and she's completely controlled by him. Good luck!

What an idiot.

(I mean him.... for marrying her.)

Doubt it's true. If it is, it's her perspective and may not be reflective of the true dynamics of the relationship. I am betting she doesn't stay home doing nothing all day, lol. I am betting she has fun with friends, and hobbies enjoying life. If she has to give him BJs daily she's obviously weighed the "job" or "required BJ" and we know what tipped the scale!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To raise good children, you need a good, loving marriage.

Kids don't want a workaholic dad and a helicopter mom who tries to make up for the fact that dad's never home.

STFU! NO YOU DON'T. You just need the mom. Divorced moms raise good kids and they are not in a "good, loving marriage."

Most kids from broken homes have a lot of psychological problems.

[Anonymous]

OP, look for someone who can handle change, and who will be fine with whatever choice you make when the time comes. You just never know how you are really going to feel when that first baby arrives, no matter how sure you think you are right now.

[Anonymous]

Get a very high paying job yourself. Work your butt off and save as much as you possibly can. Max out your 401K and invest extra in the market. Marry someone making even more than you are. Buy a home in a place you love (but finance the home using his income only as a guide). Make all of your accounts joint, except one liquid interest earning account each in your own name only (emergency fund in case something happens and your joint assets are gone/locked up). Have baby #1 in your mid-30s and then decide whether you want to stay home or not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not want to have to struggle as I am trying to raise my children. It is important to me that I can be home with them and give them everything they need and deserve.

I want to marry a man who can be a good provider and is okay with me putting the children first.

What should be my game plan?

Do engineers make good husbands?

What happened to the father of your children?

I think OP is referring to future, not existent, children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband is Indian and was more than ok with me being a SAHM. Perhaps find someone from a traditional background if you're into foreign men.

Not always. My ex is Indian and he was not okay with me staying at home. Talk to him first. What did his mom or other women in his family do? This will give you clues as to what his expectations will be. In my ex's, case the women in his family were all very successful business women. His mother made her first million on her own (she came from a poor background).

If you are looking for an engineer, there's no shortage of Indian dudes, so that's a good place to start. They are more traditional, but the ones from super educated families are less tradition ( ie mom is a doctor). So, don't fall for assumptions based on his culture. Ask him about what his mom, sisters, aunts, grandmother do if it's early dating and you don't want to put it out there yet that you need to stay home. If they all stayed at home he'll probably expect you will too. If they are educated working women he'll probably want that in a spouse too.
Whatever you do, don't waste time. Cast a wide net and discard any guy who isn't meeting your standards. Time is not on your side here. It much easier to get away with this if you are still young (under 30).

[Anonymous]

I would think bigger than an engineer. Doctor or someone high up in Finance. Or family money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not want to have to struggle as I am trying to raise my children. It is important to me that I can be home with them and give them everything they need and deserve.

I want to marry a man who can be a good provider and is okay with me putting the children first.

What should be my game plan?

Do engineers make good husbands?

Are you a millennial?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do not want to have to struggle as I am trying to raise my children. It is important to me that I can be home with them and give them everything they need and deserve.

I want to marry a man who can be a good provider and is okay with me putting the children first.

What should be my game plan?

Do engineers make good husbands?

If you're looking to marry a many for $, do not go for engineer. I would go for surgeon or some other specialist in the medical field.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I do not want to have to struggle as I am trying to raise my children. It is important to me that I can be home with them and give them everything they need and deserve.

I want to marry a man who can be a good provider and is okay with me putting the children first.

What should be my game plan?

Do engineers make good husbands?

If you're looking to marry a many for $, do not go for engineer. I would go for surgeon or some other specialist in the medical field.

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