Too big an age gap?

[Anonymous]

Omg, grow up people. At 47 he could probably outperform all of you. Clearly, the question is, what the hell do any of you have to offer a man of maturity, means, and quality? Probably nada.

[Anonymous]

You're all so busy wondering if hes good enough, he's probably already figured out he doesn't want a shallow woman. I certainly would not call 30s 'Young', but sadly it can still qualify for 'Shallow'. Been there done that got the tshirt, missed a couple nice guys. Luckily, another one came along, but most women aren't that lucky. Do ya hear me?

[Anonymous]

He's far too old. Unless you want babies with health issues

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's far too old. Unless you want babies with health issues

I was older than op, my hubby was older than op's guy, and our child is beautifully healthy.
Where do you get this misinfo pp?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't want to breed with someone that old. Big likelihood the baby would have issues. Lots of studies document issues caused by advanced paternal age.

Having said that, I doubt a 47 year old man wants kids anyway. He might not even want a wife. If he's never married, chances are he enjoys being on his own.

+2
I'm 34. My max is 39 and 40 is really pushing it. I agree advanced parternal age is partially the reason i don't date anyone in the 40's plus the generational difference. I want to go out to a bar or lounge and he probably wants stay home all day and do nothing. I want kids with a young man around my age and not someone closer to retirement.

Honey ,you're 34 ,(only 6 years from 40) you aren't that young yourself. Instead of drinking your time away at the lounge you might want to settle down with one of your young men and have the kids you want.

Go away misogynist troll. No one cares what you have to say. Run along

Eh, she's not wrong. You're advanced maternal age at 35. Thirty-five.

Nope, 40, actually.
http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2013/07/how-long-can-you-wait-to-have-a-baby/309374/

Oh honey you can't seriously think you have until 40 to start trying for kids? Don't be foolish!

So not true for many women. I struggled to get pregnant in my 20s, now mid 40s I am having periods on the dot, highly fertile, and really wondering if God, or Nature, whatever you believe in, in having some fun with me!

You're barreling towards menopause is what's happening. You may get knocked up during the going out of business sale, but to act like getting pregnant at 40 is easy and no big deal is false.

I never implied that being pregnant at over 40 is easy or desirable, it isn't for me at all. In fact, I had a pretty big scare a year ago and the thought of being pregnant was horrifying. Hence my comment about it being a joke. But, it is more than possible, I have seen so many women get pregnant after 40, it is like you say, last bang type of thing.

[Anonymous]

I don't want to read all seven pages but I have a 12-year age gap with my husband. We are now 37 and 49 and very, very happy. I never wanted to marry anyone--or even really spend all that much time with anyone!--until I met him. The gap is sometimes good for a laugh. But otherwise, we never think of it. We have two kids and a great life. (In case anyone's wondering, that isn't a code for "I married rich." I didn't. We are middle class, barely, for D.C.)

One difference is that we married when I was in my mid-20s and he was late-30s. That gave us a little more wiggle room with having kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's far too old. Unless you want babies with health issues

I was older than op, my hubby was older than op's guy, and our child is beautifully healthy.
Where do you get this misinfo pp?

You were fortunate, advanced paternal age has been linked to autism and other neuro issues.

[Anonymous]

I am a child of parents with that sort of age difference. The advice I transmit to you from my mother is Do Not Marry Him. They've been married forever. My mom is a sprightly 72 now. My dad is a frail late eighties. Here is what mom had to say:

- know that if you marry him, you will live by his age and by his timeline. You will do things that men his age want to do.

- initially he will try to act young and do young things to please you, but as he grows comfortable, he will revert to his natural behavior, which goes with his age.

- because of the above, you will age prematurely. That is, if you are 30, you will live like a 42-year old.

- by way of a personal anecdote, my dad now requires close supervision and care, and cannot live alone. Mom is going strong and would love more than anything to be with her grandchildren (and adult children), but unfortunately cannot leave dad on his own to stay with us. She resents that very much and says he makes her live an old life.

Short summary: this age gap is fine in the beginning but a very bad deal for the young woman (good deal for the guy, though).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, technically he fails the "dirty old man" formula by 1.5 years.

47/2 + 7 = 30.5

He probably a bit too old for you, but if you like the guy, and he is reasonably healthy and fit, then do what you like. I would put his age at the upper limit for men having children. Prior to birth control, it wasn't uncommon for men (and women) to have children well into their 40s. Of course, it usually wasn't their first child.

Think of dating as a decathlon. He is "below average" in the "age event," but maybe he excels at something else.

Another poster noted (correctly, I believe) that some of the posters here are triggered by stories of older men dating younger women, and tend to have strong reactions that are rooted in insecurity. In the end, everyone is a complex individual. No one here except you knows this guy.

"Triggered"? Are you Lena Dunham?

I think it's just a lot of people find older people unattractive, hence the idea of dating one is unappealing, or "gross" as some less mature people put it. Simple.

OP obviously finds him attractive. It seems to be a moot point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, technically he fails the "dirty old man" formula by 1.5 years.

47/2 + 7 = 30.5

He probably a bit too old for you, but if you like the guy, and he is reasonably healthy and fit, then do what you like. I would put his age at the upper limit for men having children. Prior to birth control, it wasn't uncommon for men (and women) to have children well into their 40s. Of course, it usually wasn't their first child.

Think of dating as a decathlon. He is "below average" in the "age event," but maybe he excels at something else.

Another poster noted (correctly, I believe) that some of the posters here are triggered by stories of older men dating younger women, and tend to have strong reactions that are rooted in insecurity. In the end, everyone is a complex individual. No one here except you knows this guy.

"Triggered"? Are you Lena Dunham?

I think it's just a lot of people find older people unattractive, hence the idea of dating one is unappealing, or "gross" as some less mature people put it. Simple.

OP obviously finds him attractive. It seems to be a moot point.

She's asking for the opinions of others. And they gave them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's far too old. Unless you want babies with health issues

I was older than op, my hubby was older than op's guy, and our child is beautifully healthy.
Where do you get this misinfo pp?

You were fortunate, advanced paternal age has been linked to autism and other neuro issues.

The correlation is nowhere near the risk of older mothers. And the cause is not clear. It could be partly that "on the spectrum" men dont have kids until later in life. It's not an irrelevant concern but I wouldn't use this as the sole criterion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's far too old. Unless you want babies with health issues

I was older than op, my hubby was older than op's guy, and our child is beautifully healthy.
Where do you get this misinfo pp?

You were fortunate, advanced paternal age has been linked to autism and other neuro issues.

The correlation is nowhere near the risk of older mothers. And the cause is not clear. It could be partly that "on the spectrum" men dont have kids until later in life. It's not an irrelevant concern but I wouldn't use this as the sole criterion.

Sorry PP. I know its not what you want to hear but https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/study-ties-dad’s-age-risk-autism-other-mental-disorders-kids

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, technically he fails the "dirty old man" formula by 1.5 years.

47/2 + 7 = 30.5

He probably a bit too old for you, but if you like the guy, and he is reasonably healthy and fit, then do what you like. I would put his age at the upper limit for men having children. Prior to birth control, it wasn't uncommon for men (and women) to have children well into their 40s. Of course, it usually wasn't their first child.

Think of dating as a decathlon. He is "below average" in the "age event," but maybe he excels at something else.

Another poster noted (correctly, I believe) that some of the posters here are triggered by stories of older men dating younger women, and tend to have strong reactions that are rooted in insecurity. In the end, everyone is a complex individual. No one here except you knows this guy.

"Triggered"? Are you Lena Dunham?

I think it's just a lot of people find older people unattractive, hence the idea of dating one is unappealing, or "gross" as some less mature people put it. Simple.

OP obviously finds him attractive. It seems to be a moot point.

She's asking for the opinions of others. And they gave them.

She wasn't asking if they found him attractive. She was asking about whether a relationship with that age difference can work. If she didn't find him attractive, presumably she wouldn't bother.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's far too old. Unless you want babies with health issues

I was older than op, my hubby was older than op's guy, and our child is beautifully healthy.
Where do you get this misinfo pp?

You were fortunate, advanced paternal age has been linked to autism and other neuro issues.

The correlation is nowhere near the risk of older mothers. And the cause is not clear. It could be partly that "on the spectrum" men dont have kids until later in life. It's not an irrelevant concern but I wouldn't use this as the sole criterion.

Sorry PP. I know its not what you want to hear but https://www.autismspeaks.org/science/science-news/study-ties-dad’s-age-risk-autism-other-mental-disorders-kids

You must not have read your own article. It says that there is a small correlation (not a cause) and clearly states that the risk is still small.

Sorry, but your attempt to "turn the tables" on men by equating advanced maternal age to older fathers is obvious and unsupported by facts.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, technically he fails the "dirty old man" formula by 1.5 years.

47/2 + 7 = 30.5

He probably a bit too old for you, but if you like the guy, and he is reasonably healthy and fit, then do what you like. I would put his age at the upper limit for men having children. Prior to birth control, it wasn't uncommon for men (and women) to have children well into their 40s. Of course, it usually wasn't their first child.

Think of dating as a decathlon. He is "below average" in the "age event," but maybe he excels at something else.

Another poster noted (correctly, I believe) that some of the posters here are triggered by stories of older men dating younger women, and tend to have strong reactions that are rooted in insecurity. In the end, everyone is a complex individual. No one here except you knows this guy.

"Triggered"? Are you Lena Dunham?

I think it's just a lot of people find older people unattractive, hence the idea of dating one is unappealing, or "gross" as some less mature people put it. Simple.

OP obviously finds him attractive. It seems to be a moot point.

She's asking for the opinions of others. And they gave them.

She wasn't asking if they found him attractive. She was asking about whether a relationship with that age difference can work. If she didn't find him attractive, presumably she wouldn't bother.

She's asking what people think about the relationship. People are giving their opinions.