DH relatives forgetting that I kept my name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone that you should have no problem cashing the child cps. If by some chance you have a problem at your bank, you can sign a standard form that allows you to specify an alternate name you go by. People who have odd unrelated (to their actual names) nicknames or use a stage name or otherwise have an alias they are known by, do this all the time. Once you have this form on record, the bank should have no additional problems cashing a check.

The other issue is your choice to make your name a battle with your in-laws. I understand that you chose to keep your name and I respect that. However, there are many older folks still stuck with the concept that a wife takes the husband's name and they are not going to change. You can't make them change . You can accept that they'll call you by your husband's name and move on, or you can make it a family battle and immediately create tension anytime you encounter your in-laws. This is your choice. Many choose to not make this a battle, and move on. But ultimately, you are the only one who is going to suffer from this negative energy created by being affronted by this. No one else will care as much about this issue as you.

OMG NO!!!

Why is it that she has to accept what someone will call her??? I find that disgustingly disrespectful. It is like when you are in a guest in someone's house, you follow what THEY set. If they don't take off their shoes inside their home even though you hate wearing shoes inside, you follow their request.
YOU call someone what THEY set to be called.

Please refer to me as: "His Royal Majesty and Defender of the Empire".....

yes, you have the right to demand to be called whatever you want. Likewise, others have the right to call you whatever they want.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Banker here...if your name is "sue smith" and the check is made out to "sue Jones" and you never are or were named sue Jones, we won't let you deposit that check.

If you were sue Jones and now are sue smith, you probably can deposit it because I can legally link those names. .


The OP isn't being petty here.

I was advised by my bank to deposit via ATM to avoid this issue. Never had a problem. We do have a joint account though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
OMG NO!!!

Why is it that she has to accept what someone will call her??? I find that disgustingly disrespectful. It is like when you are in a guest in someone's house, you follow what THEY set. If they don't take off their shoes inside their home even though you hate wearing shoes inside, you follow their request.
YOU call someone what THEY set to be called.

wow, you sound annoying. I bet you look-up to Rachel Maddow - hair and all - because she's "got great points." Give it up already.

[Anonymous]

This is rude. However, you shout have any problems cashing the checks because your DHs name is on the check. Don't you guys have a joint checking account? If not, then he'll just need to cash the check in his account.

I would be inclined to be passive aggressive right back. Send a thank you card with your name saying how much DH appreciates the gift that they sent him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone that you should have no problem cashing the child cps. If by some chance you have a problem at your bank, you can sign a standard form that allows you to specify an alternate name you go by. People who have odd unrelated (to their actual names) nicknames or use a stage name or otherwise have an alias they are known by, do this all the time. Once you have this form on record, the bank should have no additional problems cashing a check.

The other issue is your choice to make your name a battle with your in-laws. I understand that you chose to keep your name and I respect that. However, there are many older folks still stuck with the concept that a wife takes the husband's name and they are not going to change. You can't make them change . You can accept that they'll call you by your husband's name and move on, or you can make it a family battle and immediately create tension anytime you encounter your in-laws. This is your choice. Many choose to not make this a battle, and move on. But ultimately, you are the only one who is going to suffer from this negative energy created by being affronted by this. No one else will care as much about this issue as you.

OMG NO!!!

Why is it that she has to accept what someone will call her??? I find that disgustingly disrespectful. It is like when you are in a guest in someone's house, you follow what THEY set. If they don't take off their shoes inside their home even though you hate wearing shoes inside, you follow their request.
YOU call someone what THEY set to be called.

Please refer to me as: "His Royal Majesty and Defender of the Empire".....

yes, you have the right to demand to be called whatever you want. Likewise, others have the right to call you whatever they want.

Ah, this explains so much. Thanks for the mansplaining. Maybe one day you'll try this thing called empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone that you should have no problem cashing the child cps. If by some chance you have a problem at your bank, you can sign a standard form that allows you to specify an alternate name you go by. People who have odd unrelated (to their actual names) nicknames or use a stage name or otherwise have an alias they are known by, do this all the time. Once you have this form on record, the bank should have no additional problems cashing a check.

The other issue is your choice to make your name a battle with your in-laws. I understand that you chose to keep your name and I respect that. However, there are many older folks still stuck with the concept that a wife takes the husband's name and they are not going to change. You can't make them change . You can accept that they'll call you by your husband's name and move on, or you can make it a family battle and immediately create tension anytime you encounter your in-laws. This is your choice. Many choose to not make this a battle, and move on. But ultimately, you are the only one who is going to suffer from this negative energy created by being affronted by this. No one else will care as much about this issue as you.

OMG NO!!!

Why is it that she has to accept what someone will call her??? I find that disgustingly disrespectful. It is like when you are in a guest in someone's house, you follow what THEY set. If they don't take off their shoes inside their home even though you hate wearing shoes inside, you follow their request.
YOU call someone what THEY set to be called.

Please refer to me as: "His Royal Majesty and Defender of the Empire".....

yes, you have the right to demand to be called whatever you want. Likewise, others have the right to call you whatever they want.

Ah, this explains so much. Thanks for the mansplaining. Maybe one day you'll try this thing called empathy.

Sure. Hopefully one day you'll try this thing called logic and reason.

Hint: You're talking to multiple posters in this thread.

[Anonymous]

Jesus this thread is depressing. I thought we were far past any controversy when a woman decided to change her name.

[Anonymous]

I echo the PP. This thread is sad.

I did not change ny name. I was 35 when I married and had magazine and newspaper articles and a long resume under my name. (But that shouldn't matter!) I have had family members from three generations and on both sides passively- aggressively forget my last name. Then again, I have also had members of my family " forget" my DH's name ( and use prior BF's name) and my MIL spent 10 years calling me by DH's ex-wife's name and then 20 years studiously avoideing calling me by any name.

I consider all of these issues to be passive aggressive, insecure and just all round lame by the offenders.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with everyone that you should have no problem cashing the child cps. If by some chance you have a problem at your bank, you can sign a standard form that allows you to specify an alternate name you go by. People who have odd unrelated (to their actual names) nicknames or use a stage name or otherwise have an alias they are known by, do this all the time. Once you have this form on record, the bank should have no additional problems cashing a check.

The other issue is your choice to make your name a battle with your in-laws. I understand that you chose to keep your name and I respect that. However, there are many older folks still stuck with the concept that a wife takes the husband's name and they are not going to change. You can't make them change . You can accept that they'll call you by your husband's name and move on, or you can make it a family battle and immediately create tension anytime you encounter your in-laws. This is your choice. Many choose to not make this a battle, and move on. But ultimately, you are the only one who is going to suffer from this negative energy created by being affronted by this. No one else will care as much about this issue as you.

OMG NO!!!

Why is it that she has to accept what someone will call her??? I find that disgustingly disrespectful. It is like when you are in a guest in someone's house, you follow what THEY set. If they don't take off their shoes inside their home even though you hate wearing shoes inside, you follow their request.
YOU call someone what THEY set to be called.

Please refer to me as: "His Royal Majesty and Defender of the Empire".....

yes, you have the right to demand to be called whatever you want. Likewise, others have the right to call you whatever they want.

What??? We have given names for a reason. How do you get through life making up names for your relatives, bosses, coworkers? How does this conversation even happen... "Hi, nice to meet you my name is John Smith" You say: "Okay nice to meet you Butterfly Eagle Seven."

[Anonymous]

This is rude, but if you read the family forums you'll find lots of worse examples of bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

True pp! If it's not one thing it's another. ( sounds silly but cliches seem have a bit of truth in them. )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Second the mountain out of a molehill. Stop trying to be offended. And yes, you can cash those checks.

+1

[Anonymous]

feminism has gotten way outta hand - just stop it already!