DH relatives forgetting that I kept my name

[Anonymous]

It's polite and respectful to address people however they would like to be addressed. This is true for family, friends, co-workers/colleagues, etc. If someone has the time to send a check or card, then they have the time to figure out the correct name(s) of the recipient(s).

With that being said, OP's in-laws aren't likely to change. There's no point in getting worked up over it, especially if these are people she only corresponds with/sees once a year.

[Anonymous]

Nobody can make you cash a check. If it's really a problem, just put it away and only accept gifts from people who address you properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it's rude as hell.

DH has a gay uncle and nobody in the family has any issue addressing him and his husband by their names. However, it's too 'difficult' 'inconvenient' or whatever to call me by my name? Really? It's definitely passive aggressive and rude.

For everyone saying it's nbd in what other context would you say that you can call someone by a name of your choosing instead of their given name? It's bizarre.

?OP^^?
The fact is that if it is someone you see that infrequently, you cannot be guaranteed memory. If gay uncles are either seen frequently or are memorable because they're the only ones "out" in the family, then yes they are more memorable. Still nbd.

[Anonymous]

Really who cares? I kept my maiden name and get checks with my husbands last name in it from time to time. I thank them for their generosity and cash the check! I just sign the incorrect name on the back along with the correct name. I have no idea if that is the right way to do it, but years ago my mom taught me that's what you do if your check is wrong and it has always gone through fine.
But back to the name--- who cares?? I really don't even think about it because I do not feel like its this personal snub. I think sometimes people just forget that you didn't change your name.

[Anonymous]

Take the last name Clinton and Obama did. You're not special.

[Anonymous]

If I tell helps, we sign all our xmas cards with our full names so it's clear what are names are. Also on all return address stamps it says "mylastname/hislastname 555 oak lane" or whatever.

But I have to tell you, doesn't bother me at all. People mostly think about themselves. Who cares. I get it more then my husband but he gets called Larlo Mylastname a lot, esp at my work functions.

[Anonymous]

My own sister can't remember how to pronounce my dh's last name and we've been together 20 yrs. She has an absolute sh!tfit if a stranger unknowingly mispronounces hers. She is a kind person but she's not all there I realize as time goes by and it's not worth getting into it.

Every time she mispronounces it, I mispronounce her (and my) last name. She shakes herself out of it and I can see her greasing the wheel where she accesses the knowledge of his name in the deep recesses of her brain. It's painful.

[Anonymous]

I kept my own last name and don't really care how my parents or inlaws address me. My inlaws are usually respectful and use my last name, my parents never do, lol.

I only call them on it if they write me a check and remind them that my husbands name is not my legal name. They learned after that first check. I don't even bother with anything else.

It's not worth it, like the pp with the mispronouncing sister. Unless you are around each other all the time, some things are harder for some people to remember than others. And, other people are jerks not deserving of your time.

[Anonymous]

Banker here...if your name is "sue smith" and the check is made out to "sue Jones" and you never are or were named sue Jones, we won't let you deposit that check.

If you were sue Jones and now are sue smith, you probably can deposit it because I can legally link those names. .


The OP isn't being petty here.

[Anonymous]

It can get worse, if you have kids you will be known as "Larlo's Mom"!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My bank cashes checks with my husband's last name on them. Have you ever tried?

This, we have a joint account and they see it plentt

[Anonymous]

OP: Your political take on marital naming conventions has been roundly rejected by those nearest and dearest to you. They don't agree that it's cool for a bride to keep her last name, so subconsciously, or consciously, they write the checks out to you with the name that you "should" have, according to them.

You may not like this obvious reality, but are you really clueless as to the "why" of it?

I'll bet you're pretty shrill politically at various family gatherings too, so they probably giggle a little when they give you the "wrong" (according to you) last name on the check. The sweet irony of it--if you want the money, you have to take the check with the "wrong" (according to you) last name.

Another way of looking at it is no matter what you think your name should be, if they call you something different, then not too much you can do about it.

I'm thinking it's something about "you" that makes them keep "forgetting."

[Anonymous]

NP here. To add to it all, everyone, you know how it's easy for most people to remember a face, but hard to remember names? Our brains are not hard-wired to remember names. We all know this, right?

So, lighten up; it's hard to remember names. They know who you are, OP, and give you money, so stop worrying about it.

While I think in some of the PPs examples, it IS a slight--sort of a shove-it-in-your-face-I'm-not-going-by-your-naming-rules slight.....in your situation, it's probably not a slight.

As an aside, I was at my annual exam a few months ago, and the doctor and I were discussing something that I had no symptoms about but I was wondering if I should get a blood test, and she said, "don't go chasing troubles, let's worry about things that are actually real" and I thought, wow, what a great life lesson!

[Anonymous]

Why do you think people will remember you kept your last name, when here in DC people excuse sexist behavior non stop? When women blame women for men's incompetence? Not feeding the kids? We live in some dark ages here, when sexism is very real, but now women are attacking women more and more rather than standing up for women? It is sad, but true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Take the last name Clinton and Obama did. You're not special.

This is such a dumb meme. It (as well as the poster who posted it) doesn't understand what a maiden name is.