DH relatives forgetting that I kept my name

[Anonymous]

I also kept my name and don't care what other people call me. Mrs. Husband Name, Mrs. Kid Last Name, who cares.

Try cashing the checks anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very annoying. My own parents, my brother, and just about everyone in DH's family "forget." I just had a book published is November, name prominently on the cover, sent copies to everyone, and still they sent Christmas stuff to "Larlo and Larla Lastname." Clearly, there's a whole lot of passive-aggressive going on.

Or they might just think you use your given name professionally and married name in your personal life. Why assume the worst?

Because I've only told them a million times. They asked when I got married. "I've decided to keep my name." they asked again when my first book was published. "I've kept my name." They ask when they see my name as the return address. "I've kept my name."

We've been over it countless times. They've made the choice not to respect my decision.

OP, you're not only bitchy, you're petty as hell. You know full well that can cash those checks, yet you're purposely not doing it, and for what? What are you proving to anyone? Nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. Stop being such a witch about this non-issue. It's pretty rare for us to have a consensus on DCUM re: post responses but it seems everyone here is telling you the same things: That you CAN cash the checks. That YOU are a making a mountain out of a molehill. And that YOU need to LET IT GO. Take a hint and listen to our advice. Unless you enjoy being miserable. Then, by all means, continue being miserable. But stop asking for advice.

[Anonymous]

I agree with everyone that you should have no problem cashing the child cps. If by some chance you have a problem at your bank, you can sign a standard form that allows you to specify an alternate name you go by. People who have odd unrelated (to their actual names) nicknames or use a stage name or otherwise have an alias they are known by, do this all the time. Once you have this form on record, the bank should have no additional problems cashing a check.

The other issue is your choice to make your name a battle with your in-laws. I understand that you chose to keep your name and I respect that. However, there are many older folks still stuck with the concept that a wife takes the husband's name and they are not going to change. You can't make them change . You can accept that they'll call you by your husband's name and move on, or you can make it a family battle and immediately create tension anytime you encounter your in-laws. This is your choice. Many choose to not make this a battle, and move on. But ultimately, you are the only one who is going to suffer from this negative energy created by being affronted by this. No one else will care as much about this issue as you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very annoying. My own parents, my brother, and just about everyone in DH's family "forget." I just had a book published is November, name prominently on the cover, sent copies to everyone, and still they sent Christmas stuff to "Larlo and Larla Lastname." Clearly, there's a whole lot of passive-aggressive going on.

Or they might just think you use your given name professionally and married name in your personal life. Why assume the worst?

Because I've only told them a million times. They asked when I got married. "I've decided to keep my name." they asked again when my first book was published. "I've kept my name." They ask when they see my name as the return address. "I've kept my name."

We've been over it countless times. They've made the choice not to respect my decision.

OP, you're not only bitchy, you're petty as hell. You know full well that can cash those checks, yet you're purposely not doing it, and for what? What are you proving to anyone? Nothing. Absolutely. Nothing. Stop being such a witch about this non-issue. It's pretty rare for us to have a consensus on DCUM re: post responses but it seems everyone here is telling you the same things: That you CAN cash the checks. That YOU are a making a mountain out of a molehill. And that YOU need to LET IT GO. Take a hint and listen to our advice. Unless you enjoy being miserable. Then, by all means, continue being miserable. But stop asking for advice.

I'm the book author, not OP. OP is not quoted anywhere is this string. Two different posters. Checks are not an issue for me. It's the disrespect for the choice I made about my name that bothers me. I'm simply commiserating with OP, letting her know she's not alone in having family think they can passive-aggressively let her know they disapprove of their choice she, an adult, made that has zero impact on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My own family purposefully forgets I didn't change my name. Never had a problem depositing a check.

+1 Even my beloved grandma used to forget. Never had a problem depositing the checks

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You think they actually look at the names in a check at the bank? Hahahaha

Actual lol. Please tell me you have self-righteously piled up all these generous checks over the years, not cashing them out your ignorance and misplaced indignation. Please, please let this be the case.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes you can cash those checks but you instead choose to bitch.

This is what happens when you follow feminists dummies. You become a feminist dummy. Don't be a follower.

Have you ever changed your name? It's a ridiculous PITA, and can be challenging for networking/other professional aspects (reaching out to old contacts who may not respond if they don't recognize your name). It's not always a feminist statement, it's pragmatic. Until you've had to send notarized documents to every frequent flyer program, STFU.

OP, it's annoying but not worth stressing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You think they actually look at the names in a check at the bank? Hahahaha

Actual lol. Please tell me you have self-righteously piled up all these generous checks over the years, not cashing them out your ignorance and misplaced indignation. Please, please let this be the case.

Not OP, but both DH and I have had trouble cashing checks with the wrong married name-- even in to our shared account. We had to go together, show both IDs and I could be forgetting, but maybe our marriage certificate? To cash checks from our wedding. I agree OP shouldn't fight this battle, but don't dismiss this as a totally impossible scenario. I gave up on some checks since it just was too hard to find time on a Saturday to stand in line at Bank of America. Have also gotten shut down by the check cashing apps

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very annoying. My own parents, my brother, and just about everyone in DH's family "forget." I just had a book published is November, name prominently on the cover, sent copies to everyone, and still they sent Christmas stuff to "Larlo and Larla Lastname." Clearly, there's a whole lot of passive-aggressive going on.

Or they might just think you use your given name professionally and married name in your personal life. Why assume the worst?

Because I've only told them a million times. They asked when I got married. "I've decided to keep my name." they asked again when my first book was published. "I've kept my name." They ask when they see my name as the return address. "I've kept my name."

We've been over it countless times. They've made the choice not to respect my decision.

No one "chooses" to forget. That's why it's called forgetting. My husband still can't get my family to pronounce his name right, or spell it right, or both. If I cpuld trade my problem for your taking money problem, it would be an improvement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Several members of DH's family (grandparents, aunts/uncles) either don't know or don't remember that I kept my last name. I kept my maiden name on Facebook and they are all active users, but I digress. The past few years they have sent checks (which we are grateful for) around the holidays addressed to "Larlo and Larla Smith". Given that this is not my name, I can't do anything with these checks. We thank them and have never mentioned the name thing, but it's frustrating as a) I'd like to be addressed by my name and b) I manage our finances but can't cash the checks. Can I/he/we say anything?

Stand true to your feminist principles OP. When you get one of those gift checks that has your name wrong, mark it VOID with a sharpie, return it to sender and scrawl on it "I will NEVER accept your FILTHY SEXIST MONEY!!!! YOU thoughtless BASTARDS!!!"

I'll bet if you start following my suggestion, you won't have the problem of people sending you checks using your wrong last name very much longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I never changed my name either, and over the decades various family members have addressed me and written checks in what they imagined was my married name. Many could never wrap their heads around it, for whatever reason. I never ever had a problem cashing the checks, signing my actual name. So don't worry about that.

And yes, it's annoying that people don't get your name right, but they're often older or very conventional, or forgetful, or don't pay attention, or whatever, so you'll have to learn to shrug it off. My first name is also often misspelled, even by family members. People are goofy with names.

PP, you just go right ahead and send those annoying f*ckers their annoying checks right back to them! That'll show 'em!

[Anonymous]

I did change my name and my father writes checks to me under my maiden name because he just doesn't remember. DH's family wrote me a check and hyphenated my last name. If people are giving me money, they can write it pretty much however they want!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:yes you can cash those checks but you instead choose to bitch.

This is what happens when you follow feminists dummies. You become a feminist dummy. Don't be a follower.

Oh great it's the " I voted for Trump poster again." Dude - you already hijacked our country but DCUM too? Please explain why you even have any interest in this board other than to chime in on every thread and bitch about feminists and HRC. Can't you just go somewhere else and start your own Board? How about "Flyiver Moms that voted for Tump" or something similar. I'm sure folks in that forum would appreciate your stupid comments. ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I never changed my name, I don't mind that some family members either don't remember or prefer to use my husband's, and I have never had problems cashing checks.

+1


I also think OP is assuming a level of thought / malice / intention from other people that just doesn't exist. OP, they probably don't think very much about you. Be thankful for the $$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very annoying. My own parents, my brother, and just about everyone in DH's family "forget." I just had a book published is November, name prominently on the cover, sent copies to everyone, and still they sent Christmas stuff to "Larlo and Larla Lastname." Clearly, there's a whole lot of passive-aggressive going on.

No. They don't know the details of your life. Some people publish under a professional name etc. At least they send a gift. Why not do consumables and flowers? Or cut the gift list volume.