DH relatives forgetting that I kept my name

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My own family purposefully forgets I didn't change my name. Never had a problem depositing a check.

^^^this.

[Anonymous]

My aunt addresses a $29 bday check to me using my husband's last name every year. I flip it over, endorse it with my birth last name, and deposit it. Never had a problem.

[Anonymous]

So what? Tough tootsies. Live with it. The people are sending you checks? Yes you can endorse twice and deposit. I have been married 15 years, and it still isnt a big deal, especially since you are not talking about folks you see every day!! They care enough to give you their $$!!

[Anonymous]

You're too dumb to deserve the checks. Of course you can cash them, quit being a blooming idiot

[Anonymous]

OP, I never changed my name either, and over the decades various family members have addressed me and written checks in what they imagined was my married name. Many could never wrap their heads around it, for whatever reason. I never ever had a problem cashing the checks, signing my actual name. So don't worry about that.

And yes, it's annoying that people don't get your name right, but they're often older or very conventional, or forgetful, or don't pay attention, or whatever, so you'll have to learn to shrug it off. My first name is also often misspelled, even by family members. People are goofy with names.

[Anonymous]

Pretty much my whole family can't grasp that I kept the name I was born with. We get mail addresses to Mr and Mrs Larlo Lastname ALL the time. I find it bizarre but either way I've never had an issue with endorsing checks made out to my theoretical married name. TBH I don't think anyone looks at the signatures anyhow.

[Anonymous]

I understand, op. It's annoying. It's feels insulting and it feels like they don't care enough to consider your choices.

But you made a decision that strays from the norm that everyone is used to. Some people can't wrap their head around that kind of change. It'll take another few generations before this is more understood. I agree that it's inconsiderate to use your incorrect name if they know it. Many probably don't actually know it. (Facebook is not a good clue....plenty of people don't use their legal name there). Those who are intent on using your incorrect name are never going to just wake up one day and get it. It's hard to let it got because it's YOUR NAME, but this is one of those suck it up kind of moments in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's very annoying. My own parents, my brother, and just about everyone in DH's family "forget." I just had a book published is November, name prominently on the cover, sent copies to everyone, and still they sent Christmas stuff to "Larlo and Larla Lastname." Clearly, there's a whole lot of passive-aggressive going on.

Or they might just think you use your given name professionally and married name in your personal life. Why assume the worst?

[Anonymous]

You're overreacting

[Anonymous]

You think they actually look at the names in a check at the bank? Hahahaha

[Anonymous]

Who in the hell cares?? Besides OP. If this is your biggest problem then you should be thankful. Grow up. Merry Christmas!

[Anonymous]

Unless you are close to them, the only relatives I expect to remember are my parents and parents in law. I have relatives that I am very close to who can't remember- including gay cousins (so not people who are wedded to tradition or the status quo).

And yes, you can cash the check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's very annoying. My own parents, my brother, and just about everyone in DH's family "forget." I just had a book published is November, name prominently on the cover, sent copies to everyone, and still they sent Christmas stuff to "Larlo and Larla Lastname." Clearly, there's a whole lot of passive-aggressive going on.

Or they might just think you use your given name professionally and married name in your personal life. Why assume the worst?

Because I've only told them a million times. They asked when I got married. "I've decided to keep my name." they asked again when my first book was published. "I've kept my name." They ask when they see my name as the return address. "I've kept my name."

We've been over it countless times. They've made the choice not to respect my decision.

[Anonymous]

I think you know that you can cash the checks but instead you're choosing to make this a huge issue. Please don't let this be the hill you die on. A lot of old people probably are being passive aggressive because they don't understand this new concept of a woman keeping her name once she gets married. I'm keeping my name but I don't have a problem being called by my husband's last name. I understand That we make progress socially when it comes to keeping our last names however we can't expect for everybody to change immediately. you've told them once that you kept your last name if they forget just move on and we should probably just get over it when they call us by the wrong last name.

[Anonymous]

Are you thankful for the money they're gifting you, or just pissed that they wrote your name wrong?