Don't feel connected to wife anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So PP- how did your second affair partner take it when you broke it off?

She had a near miss and was almost caught by her DH. She suggested breaking it off, I was fine with it.

Didn't develop any feelings at all for your affair partner?

And if your wife's libido now is higher and you're older with a lower drive, do you worry that she'll stray?

Look pp. I don't see how you are not getting this. Sex is an all important part of connection in a marriage. It is the only way that a man can feel connected to his wife or really even "feel married." However, in an affair, sex does not offer a connection, and it does not make people feel married. You need the actual wedding rings for it to be bonding. I think maybe something about the gold from the rings changes the way hormones work.

You are awesome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk about bad advice. Whatever you do, don't have an affair. The PP who thinks everything's turned out so happy is living a lie after two affairs, and if his wife found out, he'd be crying about her divorcing him. A marriage based on lies is not a strong marriage.

What a crock. A marriage based on no sex is not a strong marriage either.
Had he NOT had those affairs, then surely they would already be divorced.
Sounds like a happy ending to a common story to me.

How arrogant. Many of us would rather be divorced than live a lie like fools because our partner made the unilateral decision, without telling us or giving us a choice, that our marriage was no longer monogamous.

[Anonymous]

I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Talk about bad advice. Whatever you do, don't have an affair. The PP who thinks everything's turned out so happy is living a lie after two affairs, and if his wife found out, he'd be crying about her divorcing him. A marriage based on lies is not a strong marriage.

What a crock. A marriage based on no sex is not a strong marriage either.
Had he NOT had those affairs, then surely they would already be divorced.
Sounds like a happy ending to a common story to me.

How arrogant. Many of us would rather be divorced than live a lie like fools because our partner made the unilateral decision, without telling us or giving us a choice, that our marriage was no longer monogamous.

If you aren't having sex with your spouse, do not be surprised when said spouse goes outside the marriage to find sex. This is not rocket science and it would be pretty arrogant of his wife to then play the cheated-on victim card. She has already cast her vote on the marriage, that was her choice.

But listen to this: if (when) he does cheat, they still have a monogamous marriage!
The word "monogamous" means sex with one person, that just happens to not be the spouse (who doesn't want it anyway).

[Beckygotback]

Anonymous wrote:

Beckygotback wrote:I would suggest getting a babysitter and surprise our wife with a fun afternoon or evening out. Make a rule that you each look at your phone once per hour (just to check it for childcare/emergency) but that you want to spend time with HER, just the two of you. Tell her that you miss her and miss time with her. Women love to feel special and very much love to know that their man has put some thought into making a special time together. Good luck!

I've planned those and it goes well for like an hour, then back to the phone. I stopped doing it

Personally, I would be at the point of checking the phone to see what is happening there. Too much candy crush? Or too much of someone else's attention. Just my thoughts if you have tried everything and the phone keeps winning.

[Anonymous]

She's probably looking at her phone because the Op sounds like a lame-o. I'm usually on the side of these guys itn these posts, but something about him rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't want to listen to him drone on insufferably. I can barely can stand to read his posts here; I can imagine in person having to listen to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

Don't be surprised when he strays then. It never ceases to amaze me how the person you took vows with, the person who is supposed to be your true love and soul mate, gets pushed to the back burner. Really, prioritizing packing lunches over your life partner? You're sad and pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

Don't be surprised when he strays then. It never ceases to amaze me how the person you took vows with, the person who is supposed to be your true love and soul mate, gets pushed to the back burner. Really, prioritizing packing lunches over your life partner? You're sad and pathetic.

Also these things are generally excuses. Not lies -- I'm sure PP believes that all of these things are the reason she doesn't want to have sex. But even if those things magically went away, chances are she wouldn't suddenly be climbing all over her husband. Rather, she'd probably find new ways to be busy; and they wouldn't involve sex with her husband.

Just look at women having affairs. They are often very busy people, but those women are very motivated and often find elaborate and creative ways to have sex with their affair partners. Where there is a will, there's a way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

Don't be surprised when he strays then. It never ceases to amaze me how the person you took vows with, the person who is supposed to be your true love and soul mate, gets pushed to the back burner. Really, prioritizing packing lunches over your life partner? You're sad and pathetic.

Why so hostile towards someone who's acknowledging that the overwhelming responsibilities towards kids and household and job take their toll, especially on women, who rightly feel so much is dumped on them? Packing lunches is about feeding your kids. Maybe in your world of twoo luv and soulmates, kids just hover around the fuzzy edges of life, smiling and looking cute, but in the real world, they have needs that you have to meet unless you want Child Protective Services at your door.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

Don't be surprised when he strays then. It never ceases to amaze me how the person you took vows with, the person who is supposed to be your true love and soul mate, gets pushed to the back burner. Really, prioritizing packing lunches over your life partner? You're sad and pathetic.

Why so hostile towards someone who's acknowledging that the overwhelming responsibilities towards kids and household and job take their toll, especially on women, who rightly feel so much is dumped on them? Packing lunches is about feeding your kids. Maybe in your world of twoo luv and soulmates, kids just hover around the fuzzy edges of life, smiling and looking cute, but in the real world, they have needs that you have to meet unless you want Child Protective Services at your door.

I had that same thought. What kind of person would forgo feeding their children lunch in order to spend that time having sex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So PP- how did your second affair partner take it when you broke it off?

She had a near miss and was almost caught by her DH. She suggested breaking it off, I was fine with it.

Didn't develop any feelings at all for your affair partner?

And if your wife's libido now is higher and you're older with a lower drive, do you worry that she'll stray?

Look pp. I don't see how you are not getting this. Sex is an all important part of connection in a marriage. It is the only way that a man can feel connected to his wife or really even "feel married." However, in an affair, sex does not offer a connection, and it does not make people feel married. You need the actual wedding rings for it to be bonding. I think maybe something about the gold from the rings changes the way hormones work.

So sex in a marriage is a bonding experience but sex outside of it is meaningless. So you cheated on your wife for some emotionless humping?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She's probably looking at her phone because the Op sounds like a lame-o. I'm usually on the side of these guys itn these posts, but something about him rubs me the wrong way. I wouldn't want to listen to him drone on insufferably. I can barely can stand to read his posts here; I can imagine in person having to listen to him.

So you've gathered come a few posts what's he's like in person? You sound like an idiot

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

Don't be surprised when he strays then. It never ceases to amaze me how the person you took vows with, the person who is supposed to be your true love and soul mate, gets pushed to the back burner. Really, prioritizing packing lunches over your life partner? You're sad and pathetic.

Why so hostile towards someone who's acknowledging that the overwhelming responsibilities towards kids and household and job take their toll, especially on women, who rightly feel so much is dumped on them? Packing lunches is about feeding your kids. Maybe in your world of twoo luv and soulmates, kids just hover around the fuzzy edges of life, smiling and looking cute, but in the real world, they have needs that you have to meet unless you want Child Protective Services at your door.

Then don't bitch when your partner strays or is disinterested. If you can't figure out a way to also nurture and cultivate your MARRIAGE, you deserve what you get. All of what you discussed are the fruits of that marriage--children and family time. Why do so many women (and I am a woman) think it's completely acceptable to make their life partner last on their list of everything? You can make fun of me all you want and mock me by writing "twoo luv" but that just tells me that you must be in a sad marriage. You can and should have true love and prioritize it and cultivate it. What, did you marry just to have a sperm donor? Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

Don't be surprised when he strays then. It never ceases to amaze me how the person you took vows with, the person who is supposed to be your true love and soul mate, gets pushed to the back burner. Really, prioritizing packing lunches over your life partner? You're sad and pathetic.

Why so hostile towards someone who's acknowledging that the overwhelming responsibilities towards kids and household and job take their toll, especially on women, who rightly feel so much is dumped on them? Packing lunches is about feeding your kids. Maybe in your world of twoo luv and soulmates, kids just hover around the fuzzy edges of life, smiling and looking cute, but in the real world, they have needs that you have to meet unless you want Child Protective Services at your door.

Then don't bitch when your partner strays or is disinterested. If you can't figure out a way to also nurture and cultivate your MARRIAGE, you deserve what you get. All of what you discussed are the fruits of that marriage--children and family time. Why do so many women (and I am a woman) think it's completely acceptable to make their life partner last on their list of everything? You can make fun of me all you want and mock me by writing "twoo luv" but that just tells me that you must be in a sad marriage. You can and should have true love and prioritize it and cultivate it. What, did you marry just to have a sperm donor? Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

You have a happy husband no doubt. Kudos to you for seeing the big picture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel like your wife. I'm wiped out and feel like I have nothing to give. I think if I didn't have to work, plus shop, cook, clean, pack lunches, and do drop offs and pick ups, I'd have something left for my husband but I am all tapped out. Libido zero. Energy zero.

Don't be surprised when he strays then. It never ceases to amaze me how the person you took vows with, the person who is supposed to be your true love and soul mate, gets pushed to the back burner. Really, prioritizing packing lunches over your life partner? You're sad and pathetic.

Why so hostile towards someone who's acknowledging that the overwhelming responsibilities towards kids and household and job take their toll, especially on women, who rightly feel so much is dumped on them? Packing lunches is about feeding your kids. Maybe in your world of twoo luv and soulmates, kids just hover around the fuzzy edges of life, smiling and looking cute, but in the real world, they have needs that you have to meet unless you want Child Protective Services at your door.

Then don't bitch when your partner strays or is disinterested. If you can't figure out a way to also nurture and cultivate your MARRIAGE, you deserve what you get. All of what you discussed are the fruits of that marriage--children and family time. Why do so many women (and I am a woman) think it's completely acceptable to make their life partner last on their list of everything? You can make fun of me all you want and mock me by writing "twoo luv" but that just tells me that you must be in a sad marriage. You can and should have true love and prioritize it and cultivate it. What, did you marry just to have a sperm donor? Pathetic, pathetic, pathetic.

Let me put it to you straight: women put their partners last on their list because their partners put THEM last on their list. When you abdicate your household responsibilities (like so many men do) that's putting your partner last on your list. Men need to grow up and realize that they are managing a household TOGETHER and not expect that their juvenile fantasies will be automatically met.