Don't feel connected to wife anymore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So first off you need to put your foot down about the phone. No comments and then it later comes back out. I would raise hell and not let that happen.

Second you need to make your own life more interesting. Find ways to engage her in conversation. Change the tv show you watch. Cook a new dinner together. It seems like your attitude is that she should make life interesting for you but it should go both ways.

Also not sure what your bonus has to do with things.

It's a big deal as it was for all the hard work for a massively successful project despite setbacks. I was a huge effort I led. See thing is, when you do stuff like that you tell your spouse. I'd be more than happy to hear news like that from her.

I don't like TV particularly as it's a waste of time, I instead get involved in productive things. I watched it because she like somemshows and I like to spend time with her. I don't cook anymore. I used to a lot and everyone enjoyed it. I mean I do but bring the extras in for friends and coworkers as they like it. I don't make things for her anymore. To be honest I like making food and as I have a pretty strict diet I maintain for health and appearance, it's healthy too.[/quote

So sound boring, which is probably your wife is on her phone so much.

Still don't understand about the bonus. You want your wife to talk about it more?

Or take some interest in my work? Perhaps a little. I would for her.

I guess you're one of those people who don't care about what their spouse does. She tells me about a big account I'm proud of her and want to hear about it.

My husband and I both have successful careers. I'm interested in his job up to a point. But if it was all he had to talk about I would lose interest. I can talk about work with my coworkers. If all you're bringing to the table is money/your job then you're boring her.

But it's not. I was just an example. I have a lot of interests, hers include tv. That's about it.

I've tried to get her into my interests but she's not receptive. That's besides the point, you sound utterly selfish. If you don't want to hear about your husbands accomplishments you're selfish.

Do you think I want to hear about her social media posts she likes? No, but I I listen because that's what you do.

Besides, when I talk about my hobbies and interests she doesn't care and has said as much with her actions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Or instead of spending money to talk to a stranger who probably can't help, you could spend the cash doing fun things together. Go on hikes, vacations, to see indepdent films, have date nights, work on a home improvement project, travel etc.

Yeah, we do that. I am in the middle of if a huge project on the house right now. But I guess you missed the part where I schedule date nights...try reading again.

[Anonymous]

^ so then tell her you want her to listen more about your work stories. Have you directly told her this??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Or instead of spending money to talk to a stranger who probably can't help, you could spend the cash doing fun things together. Go on hikes, vacations, to see indepdent films, have date nights, work on a home improvement project, travel etc.

Yeah, we do that. I am in the middle of if a huge project on the house right now. But I guess you missed the part where I schedule date nights...try reading again.

Yikes. Well now we know why your wife isn't interested in you...you're mean.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

I don't want it to end but won't live like this. I can't be in a relationship where we are roommates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ so then tell her you want her to listen more about your work stories. Have you directly told her this??

I don't tell her directly, but when she talks I always inquire for more details. Always let her know I'm proud of her accomplishments, or if it's something bad show empathy - or used to at least. As I noted I just don't care much the past couple of months

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Or instead of spending money to talk to a stranger who probably can't help, you could spend the cash doing fun things together. Go on hikes, vacations, to see indepdent films, have date nights, work on a home improvement project, travel etc.

Yeah, we do that. I am in the middle of if a huge project on the house right now. But I guess you missed the part where I schedule date nights...try reading again.

Yikes. Well now we know why your wife isn't interested in you...you're mean.

Or don't suffer fools we'll. You're making comments without even reading the details

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Or instead of spending money to talk to a stranger who probably can't help, you could spend the cash doing fun things together. Go on hikes, vacations, to see indepdent films, have date nights, work on a home improvement project, travel etc.

It takes two to tango though. If one of the two has checked out mentally, no amount of hikes and films will change that.

[Anonymous]

Give her an ultimatum.
Tell her you want and nee an intimate relationship.
Sex twice per week, and no phones during your time together.
you will be spending alot more time with a "friend from work".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Or instead of spending money to talk to a stranger who probably can't help, you could spend the cash doing fun things together. Go on hikes, vacations, to see indepdent films, have date nights, work on a home improvement project, travel etc.

Yeah, we do that. I am in the middle of if a huge project on the house right now. But I guess you missed the part where I schedule date nights...try reading again.

Yikes. Well now we know why your wife isn't interested in you...you're mean.

Or don't suffer fools we'll. You're making comments without even reading the details

And you're refusing to listen. You turn down every suggestion people give you and refuse to admit you're doing anything wrong or can do something to help the situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Or instead of spending money to talk to a stranger who probably can't help, you could spend the cash doing fun things together. Go on hikes, vacations, to see indepdent films, have date nights, work on a home improvement project, travel etc.

It takes two to tango though. If one of the two has checked out mentally, no amount of hikes and films will change that.

This. We recently went to a dinner event and she didn't spend much time with me, which is fine her friends were there and she wanted to socialize. But in the way home...on her phone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

Or instead of spending money to talk to a stranger who probably can't help, you could spend the cash doing fun things together. Go on hikes, vacations, to see indepdent films, have date nights, work on a home improvement project, travel etc.

It takes two to tango though. If one of the two has checked out mentally, no amount of hikes and films will change that.

This. We recently went to a dinner event and she didn't spend much time with me, which is fine her friends were there and she wanted to socialize. But in the way home...on her phone.

So she's over you. You need to have a talk with her and figure out what's up. Be direct. Tell her this isn't working. Ask her what you can do to make things better. Again - ask her what you can do to make things better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

I don't want it to end but won't live like this. I can't be in a relationship where we are roommates

You are contradicting yourself within one sentence. You won't live like this, but you don't want this to end. What is it that you don't want to end? Something that doesn't exist anymore?

I hate therapy and rarely say this, but I do believe you may benefit from talking to a professional. If nothing else, you may figure out what it is that you do want and figure out a way to get there. You need to come to grips with a simple fact: What is, is. Dwelling on the past and wishing it back is irrelevant and a waste of energy. You need to wrap your head around your present and carve out a possible future you can accept. Don't shy away from help, but be smart about it. It may take time, trial and error to fine a "stranger" you will click with in therapy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Give her an ultimatum.
Tell her you want and nee an intimate relationship.
Sex twice per week, and no phones during your time together.
you will be spending alot more time with a "friend from work".

Thanks. I did that which ended up happening but I stopped it. She would renew a lot because let's be honest, it's not enforceable. It's always headache or too tired or her period...it's something. Her libido was a little slow earlier on and I should have taken a note of it..my fault.

I would rather spend more time with her than a "friend". I'll just leave before I get to that point. If things break at least I'll feel I tried and was honest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what you are experiencing is a natural progression of a marital relationship. How old is your child? Why does divorce scare you?

I suggest individual counseling first. Maybe once you sort yourself out, you can suggest couples' counseling to your wife. But in my experience, once the relationship is done, it's done. You can choose to move on, to tolerate it with whining or without whining. I doubt you can fix this, you'll be wasting time and delaying the inevitable. Good luck to you whatever you decide.

I don't want it to end but won't live like this. I can't be in a relationship where we are roommates

You are contradicting yourself within one sentence. You won't live like this, but you don't want this to end. What is it that you don't want to end? Something that doesn't exist anymore?

I hate therapy and rarely say this, but I do believe you may benefit from talking to a professional. If nothing else, you may figure out what it is that you do want and figure out a way to get there. You need to come to grips with a simple fact: What is, is. Dwelling on the past and wishing it back is irrelevant and a waste of energy. You need to wrap your head around your present and carve out a possible future you can accept. Don't shy away from help, but be smart about it. It may take time, trial and error to fine a "stranger" you will click with in therapy.

Therapy is the best course I think. I don't want it to end but I can't live in a disconnected marriage.