If your parents scrimped and saved to send you to private school, do you appreciate it now?

[Anonymous]

I went to public school K-12, then went to the Ivy League for college and law school. DH went to private for K-12, then top private college and top private law school. We're choosing to send our kids to public because DH and I basically ended up in the same place by the end of our schooling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.

This whole section is actually pretty funny. The shock and horror of a LOCAL beach vacation. Those poor families under $500k HHI. And why is it that Old Navy is the universal symbol of the rich trying to get by?

[Anonymous]

I went to private, but it was because our local school wasn't good (enough).

My kids go to public because I really don't see much extra value in private over a W school.

I am very grateful that I went private. I loved my school, and all of the history and closeness of alumni that came with it. Do I think it helped me get into a better college? No.

[Anonymous]

I went to both public and private schools. The private school I attended for middle and high school was well-regard but had some major issues. I recognize there were some benefits to the private school in terms of being introduced to some subjects earlier than I would have otherwise been and having opportunities that come with having a class full of peers whose families had a fair amount of resources. I wouldn't say I am especially grateful for it. My parents like to hold it over my head and have tried to use paying for private school as a reason why I can never deny them or why they can be greedy with other things (didn't pass along small inheritance gift from grandparents because they needed it and they paid for private school). I don't doubt that they thought they were acting in my best interest in sending me to private school. I never asked or expressed desire to go to private school. I also know the decision played into their anxieties about me growing up and their desires to keep me in a controlled, insular environment. It probably would have been less expensive for them to seek therapy and for my mother to take some Xanax, but they chose another way. I don't resent it, but I'm not especially grateful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.

I wonder about this mythical private school where everyone clips coupons and wears old navy. The people I know whose kids are in private school do none of those things but many of them aren't stretching.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.

I wonder about this mythical private school where everyone clips coupons and wears old navy. The people I know whose kids are in private school do none of those things but many of them aren't stretching.

Agreed. If this school exists, it sounds like it's filled with a bunch of strivers who are being probably being overcharged. I have a relative like this. She lives in a good school district in the Midwest, but HAS to send her snowflake to private for the academics and, more importantly, the "good connections."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.

I wonder about this mythical private school where everyone clips coupons and wears old navy. The people I know whose kids are in private school do none of those things but many of them aren't stretching.

Agreed. If this school exists, it sounds like it's filled with a bunch of strivers who are being probably being overcharged. I have a relative like this. She lives in a good school district in the Midwest, but HAS to send her snowflake to private for the academics and, more importantly, the "good connections."

[Anonymous]

My sister and I went to private K-12. I loved it and am grateful for the excellent start it gave me, both academically and socially. I'm sending my kids to a similar school in this area with an income similar to OP's. My sister didn't like our private school and would never send her kids to a private school. It totally depends on the kid and the family's values.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.

I wonder about this mythical private school where everyone clips coupons and wears old navy. The people I know whose kids are in private school do none of those things but many of them aren't stretching.

yes, where do you live where your private school colleagues are clipping coupons? I live in NW DC and the private school families I know (approx 100 families between neighbors, church friends, preschool friends, travel sports friends, etc are not scrimping or coupon cutting in the least.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.

I wonder about this mythical private school where everyone clips coupons and wears old navy. The people I know whose kids are in private school do none of those things but many of them aren't stretching.

yes, where do you live where your private school colleagues are clipping coupons? I live in NW DC and the private school families I know (approx 100 families between neighbors, church friends, preschool friends, travel sports friends, etc are not scrimping or coupon cutting in the least.

Maybe she meant clipping coupons in the financial sense- like redeeming bonds. While they are suffering the indignity of a local beach vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to both public and private schools. The private school I attended for middle and high school was well-regard but had some major issues. I recognize there were some benefits to the private school in terms of being introduced to some subjects earlier than I would have otherwise been and having opportunities that come with having a class full of peers whose families had a fair amount of resources. I wouldn't say I am especially grateful for it. My parents like to hold it over my head and have tried to use paying for private school as a reason why I can never deny them or why they can be greedy with other things (didn't pass along small inheritance gift from grandparents because they needed it and they paid for private school). I don't doubt that they thought they were acting in my best interest in sending me to private school. I never asked or expressed desire to go to private school. I also know the decision played into their anxieties about me growing up and their desires to keep me in a controlled, insular environment. It probably would have been less expensive for them to seek therapy and for my mother to take some Xanax, but they chose another way. I don't resent it, but I'm not especially grateful.

Interesting. Can you say more about how they held it over your head? What can you not deny them? Do they insist on things "because we sent you to private school," even all of these years later?

[Anonymous]

I went to private school which was better than the alternative. I think it was worth it but my parents delayed buying a house. I didn't really like the school though. Not sure how I would have turned out had I gone to public school. One of my friends switched to the public school and she complained about the teachers being dumb and grading her papers wrong. I send my kids to public school mainly because I think the public schools here are better and have a better quality of people than the area I grew up in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I went to both public and private schools. The private school I attended for middle and high school was well-regard but had some major issues. I recognize there were some benefits to the private school in terms of being introduced to some subjects earlier than I would have otherwise been and having opportunities that come with having a class full of peers whose families had a fair amount of resources. I wouldn't say I am especially grateful for it. My parents like to hold it over my head and have tried to use paying for private school as a reason why I can never deny them or why they can be greedy with other things (didn't pass along small inheritance gift from grandparents because they needed it and they paid for private school). I don't doubt that they thought they were acting in my best interest in sending me to private school. I never asked or expressed desire to go to private school. I also know the decision played into their anxieties about me growing up and their desires to keep me in a controlled, insular environment. It probably would have been less expensive for them to seek therapy and for my mother to take some Xanax, but they chose another way. I don't resent it, but I'm not especially grateful.

Interesting. Can you say more about how they held it over your head? What can you not deny them? Do they insist on things "because we sent you to private school," even all of these years later?

The most serious incidents were along the line of the example I provided--they will intercept gifts from my grandparents/their parents that were given to each grandchild where my cousins will get their share to do as they please, and my parents will never pass mine along and tell me it is being applied towards my debt to them for everything they paid for. They sort of mean it jokingly but when I call them out on it it got very heated. In one instance I know I would win if I took them to court but I decided it wasn't worth it. There's aren't huge sums of money, but I know it's helped my similarly aged cousins do things like fix cars, save for homes, and take job risks--opportunities that I would also appreciate. It also tends to come up in less serious ways like when we are visiting and doing shared activities or out to eat. Overall, they have a lot of money and spend it like drunken sailors. They know we don't live that way and I always present alternatives to the excessive places they want to go. Every once in a while they will disappear when the check comes at some place way out of our budget and make some joke about it's time for [me and DH] to pay them back for private school. I suspect it's a weird way for them to remind me they get some credit for my accomplishments, while also a little bit of a dominance move. My parents run a family business and are not very educated, nor would they have succeeded if not given a business and cash from my grandparents. They have some insecurities about my education and job success (not super elite by DCUM standards but impressive for where I came from) so they tend to throw money around and enjoy that my DH and I don't (they think can't) do the same. It's very weird.

[Anonymous]

My kid's are young and we are considering private school for them. We can afford it but it will be tight and we have no family money.
This thread is giving me pause. I went to a pretty bad public HS but somehow landed on my feet and have a good job now. I did learn some pretty good life skills there even if the education was sub-par. I had to work like crazy in college to catch up to the elite private school kids but I was fine after the first couple of years. Some of the elite High schools in this area seem way to intense for my liking. I have friends whose kids are in high school and they were saying it is commmon for kids to see a therapist regularly for anxiety and managing stress. They also use tutors to help them keep up with the challenging work. These are kids who seem to have such nice lives - vacations in Europe every summer, winter skiing in Aspen, beautiful homes. I also don't like the idea of paying for tutors on top of private school. One of my friends said you pretty much have to because everyone else is doing it. I'm so perplexed. Maybe I just don't understand the private school world. I think I will stick with simple and pretty good rather than amazing and complicated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents sacrificed a great deal to send my siblings and I to private K-12. While I recognize that I received an excellent education and I appreciate the sacrifices they made, I think they made the wrong financial decision. They simply aren't able to afford retirement.

My siblings and I learned from their mistakes. We purchased homes in great school districts and are sending our kids to public school. We are saving for retirement, and we are helping them out since they are strapped for cash.

We also have money to travel with our kids. we never took vacations that involved airplanes or passports when I was a kid, and I want my children to see the world.

Bingo!! This is my life as a kid and my life now with my own kids. Definitely not worth the financial sacrifices my parents made, especially now as they reach retirement with not much left to enjoy it. I would have much rather had all the life experiences and travel then the fancy private school. I would say most of my private school friends all send their kids to public now