Reply to If your parents scrimped and saved to send you to private school, do you appreciate it now?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]I went to both public and private schools. The private school I attended for middle and high school was well-regard but had some major issues. I recognize there were some benefits to the private school in terms of being introduced to some subjects earlier than I would have otherwise been and having opportunities that come with having a class full of peers whose families had a fair amount of resources. I wouldn't say I am especially grateful for it. My parents like to hold it over my head and have tried to use paying for private school as a reason why I can never deny them or why they can be greedy with other things (didn't pass along small inheritance gift from grandparents because they needed it and they paid for private school). I don't doubt that they thought they were acting in my best interest in sending me to private school. I never asked or expressed desire to go to private school. I also know the decision played into their anxieties about me growing up and their desires to keep me in a controlled, insular environment. It probably would have been less expensive for them to seek therapy and for my mother to take some Xanax, but they chose another way. I don't resent it, but I'm not especially grateful. [/quote]

Interesting.  Can you say more about how they held it over your head?  What can you not deny them?  Do they  insist on things "because we sent you to private school," even all of these years later?[/quote]

The most serious incidents were along the line of the example I provided--they will intercept gifts from my grandparents/their parents that were given to each grandchild where my cousins will get their share to do as they please, and my parents will never pass mine along and tell me it is being applied towards my debt to them for everything they paid for. They sort of mean it jokingly but when I call them out on it it got very heated. In one instance I know I would win if I took them to court but I decided it wasn't worth it. There's aren't huge sums of money, but I know it's helped my similarly aged cousins do things like fix cars, save for homes, and take job risks--opportunities that I would also appreciate. It also tends to come up in less serious ways like when we are visiting and doing shared activities or out to eat. Overall, they have a lot of money and spend it like drunken sailors. They know we don't live that way and I always present alternatives to the excessive places they want to go. Every once in a while they will disappear when the check comes at some place way out of our budget and make some joke about it's time for [me and DH] to pay them back for private school. I suspect it's a weird way for them to remind me they get some credit for my accomplishments, while also a little bit of a dominance move. My parents run a family business and are not very educated, nor would they have succeeded if not given a business and cash from my grandparents. They have some insecurities about my education and job success (not super elite by DCUM standards but impressive for where I came from) so they tend to throw money around and enjoy that my DH and I don't (they think can't) do the same. It's very weird.[/quote]

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