If your parents scrimped and saved to send you to private school, do you appreciate it now?
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Anonymous
| I know a couple of physicians who sent their kids to private school. (Kids are now in their 40's.) They can't retire, despite health issues. It's not pretty. |
Anonymous
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My parents sent me for my last 2 yrs of HS. I'd been in accelerated classes in public school until then. My mom worked in a kitchen to pay for it. I remember being profoundly grateful even then for the opportunity to take much more dynamic classes with far fewer kids/class. I also remember trying to sort out the least expensive spring break option (my school had mandatory, school-organized trips over those two weeks, many to places like Greece or the American Southwest. I knew my parents struggled as it was to pay my tuition and felt horrible about going on a trip on their dime).
DS's parents were wealthy. He was sent to private from yr 6 on. He hated/bombed out of the first one he attended. The second one fit like a glove and he went from flunking out to nearly straight A's, then on to Ivy League uni & grad school. He definitely credits much of the turnaround to that second private school, where the teachers gave him the attn he needed to overcome dyslexia. My own DS went through public for elementary in a highly regarded school system. We've moved abroad, and he's in an amazing intl private now, but doesn't seem to appreciate it so much  . There really isn't any public option due to language issues.
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Anonymous
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Anyone saying that $8K a month is easily doable on $310k income is smoking something.
Let's say that OP currently pays $2K a month for her mortgage. Adding in an extra $8K a month gives $10K monthly mortgage payments. That is a 2.1 million dollar mortgage. On a $310K income. We would universally say that was insane and not at all feasible. Why is it doable just because it's going to education? |
Anonymous
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I did K-5 in private school and also hated it. And my parents scrimped to make it happen. But I was badly bullied, and I can home everyday for 6 years and begged to be let out. They finally let me go public for MS, and it was wonderful. The schools were crappy, but I made friends, and succeeded academically. I went from there to a top college on a full academic scholarship, followed by a top law school on a full academic scholarship. Our HHI is about what yours is OP, and I would never send my kids private, unless their needs could not be met in a public setting. We live in a top notch public district, and my kids are certainly getting a far superior education to anything I got in private. And they are very happy.
Before you went private, did you take a look at what your public options were, especially if you poured half of what you spent on private on housing? |
Anonymous
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I left private school (by choice) to go to public for high school, and then went to HYP for college.
I think it depends on the kid and the situation. |
Anonymous
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DH and I both went to ivy leagues from public schools. We are sending our kids to public school for now. I hope our kids get into the advanced academics program. We visited many privates in VA and were not impressed with their college admissions. We would pay for St Albans or Sidwell if we lived in DC but we are happy with FCPS in VA so far. We have a seven figure HHI and can easily afford private school. We just don't think it is much better, at least here in Fairfax County. We are setting up funds for our kids. Hope to have about a million for each kid when they are 25. I think our kids would rather have a million to start off life than to go to private school in kindergarten and second grade.
We are able to travel a lot, both domestically and internationally. Kids have private tutors come twice a week. They do cub scouts, sports and other after school activities. |
Anonymous
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My husband and I both went to privates and are v dedicated to sending our kids to public. He grew up in Bethesda and thus finds the choice mind boggling. I grew up in rural Virginia and didn't have awesome schools but fine. Private for me and my sister stripped my parents cash flow and I remember a lot of fighting and this sort of blind dedication to the idea. I've gotten flamed for saying this here, but the (shallow) good (maybe??) part is that I'm v used to the "scene" and know all the socials codes so feel v comfortable around the old money scene and those tastes and lifestyle have influenced a lot of my choices now, although in very boring ways. It's not like I run around popping collars and summering on the vineyard. More like I dress in a way that's consistent w a lot of that stuff and the cars and houses we choose are v heavily influenced by that stuff, I realize now. (We drive a ten year old jeep, live in 100+ year old house)
The GREAT thing that I don't think had much to do w private school but my parents think so is the crowd we fell in with are the best people on the planet. These girls are just the coolest women around now doing the most innovative and exciting work in their careers and lives and I'm so so so lucky to know them and call them my friends. We are so tight and it's incredible that we're all 33-35 or so and still completely involved deeply in each other's lives even though we all live through out Europe and the US. But....never knew black people or Jews until college and grew up in a v homophobic, boozy rape culture of waspy private. school. |
Anonymous
Another PP here. Went to private school but lived in a small dump house too. Could not have friends over either. Academically, private school was great and I appreciate that even now. Socially, it was a disaster. Not just for me, but even others I went to school with. We were the "poors." Now, I don't have any connection to the community I grew up in, was bussed to school in another city for private. 20/20 hindsight, I would have done just as well if parents would have transferred me to public in high school. Could have been in the middle to high end of the income distribution (instead of the bottom), not be embarrased to have friends over or have friends end it when they saw our crappy house, and woud have gotten "brownie points" for state college admissions by excelling in a not so great school district. Maybe would have even dated in high school, who knows. Guys I went to high school with did not become interested in my until I became "desirable" when I was accepted to grad school at a big name university. |
Anonymous
| And, my mom was always resentful their "investment" and sacrifices did not "pay off", and I did not end up making lots and lots of money in my career. It was and is a lot of pressure. |
Anonymous
| I went to an elite private school in CA, and we were definitely in the bottom quarter of wealth there. BUT in those days (I am 42) you didn't have to be mega rich to go private, so my parents did not have to scrimp to make the 8K/yr tuition. I feel like these days the gap between rich and not so rich is just so much more dramatic, and it starts in private school. So while in theory we could stretch to afford tuition at one of the big 3, we could not pay for heliskiing weekends or Columbus Day trips to Venice, which seems to be the norm at these places now. Just not sure I want to give my kids that inferiority complex. All that said, while I love our NW DC public, I don't kid myself that the instruction is as good. |
Anonymous
| I went to both public and private. The public was a better achool because they had better teachers for the honors and a classes I was taking. The only benefit to the private school was that it was an international school that I attended whole living overseas. But that was more from liVing abroad. Spending that much on tuition us crazy. If you live in Bethesda why spend the money when the public schools are good. |
Anonymous
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I have a couple of friends who send their kids to private when the public options are as good or better than the private ones. They say they're doing it "for the arts" or "small class sizes". I suspect it's because they wanted to go to private themselves and see it as a status thing, now they've arrived, etc.
our kids are at public when we both went to private all the way through, because the privates where we live are not worth the expense and we don't care about status. Because we've already been to private ourselves we know it's not the end all be all, look at me I've arrived status symbol our friends crave. |
Anonymous
THIS!! |
Anonymous
They did go to an Ivy League school so I am not surprised with their choice of words. |
Anonymous
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Yes and I truly believe it was one of the best things they ever did for me. I went to a parochial K-8, then a "top" public for Freshman year. It was the worst year of my life. We had already covered the academics at my old school that we were covering in IB courses my freshman year. Socially, I was a fish out of water- the school was so big, I couldn't find my niche. I was shocked by how the "nice" kids were already smoking pot and having sex. It was really overwhelming. I switched to a private for the rest of high school and it was a game-changer for me both socially and academically. I was so much happier and truly think I'm better off today for the experience.
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