If your parents scrimped and saved to send you to private school, do you appreciate it now?

[Anonymous]

Boy, people just don't follow the question. It was worth it for me, even if there was a time i might have thought otherwise. If you ask them, you can find out if they appreciate a difference. I attended both public and private. I respect what you want for your kids.

[Anonymous]

I appreciate it, but I was constantly aware of the financial stress involved, and that took a toll. For one thing, I was reluctant to tell them anything that I thought might add to their stress levels. This included a sexual assault when I was 11. I was worried about causing more stress.

My kids go to public. I did K-12 private.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid's are young and we are considering private school for them. We can afford it but it will be tight and we have no family money.
This thread is giving me pause. I went to a pretty bad public HS but somehow landed on my feet and have a good job now. I did learn some pretty good life skills there even if the education was sub-par. I had to work like crazy in college to catch up to the elite private school kids but I was fine after the first couple of years. Some of the elite High schools in this area seem way to intense for my liking. I have friends whose kids are in high school and they were saying it is commmon for kids to see a therapist regularly for anxiety and managing stress. They also use tutors to help them keep up with the challenging work. These are kids who seem to have such nice lives - vacations in Europe every summer, winter skiing in Aspen, beautiful homes. I also don't like the idea of paying for tutors on top of private school. One of my friends said you pretty much have to because everyone else is doing it. I'm so perplexed. Maybe I just don't understand the private school world. I think I will stick with simple and pretty good rather than amazing and complicated.

Not all private schools are the way you describe and for those that are receiving extra tutoring it could be because parents push them or they really need that much help. Take tours and ask families who actually send their kids to these schools not second hand information. That being said, I will definitely send my kids to private until 8th grade, after that not so sure, but keep an open mind. There are kids on public schools with all the same issues you describe, have you heard of a place called Mclean?

[Anonymous]

yes and no.

Private school got me access to high level networking connections, that I dumbly never took advantage of because "I wanted to do it on my own". For elementry and middle school, the subject matter we covered was about 1-2 grade levels ahead of my public school peers. If your kid has certain educational needs it might be worth it. If the kid is highly intelligent and self motivated it won't really matter where the kid goes as they will succeed, but if they aren't then there may be some advantages to a private school education beyond networking.

The biggest thing as a student,was having a smaller student body meant it was easy to be a team captain, be on the varsity team, join student government editor of the yearbook etc. Of course the networking potential for internships and like is very useful as well. Just as parents don't get caught up in the lifestyle and compete with everyone else.

the most fun thing was as a kid whose parents weren't as wealthy, the other kids had much better toys, so I always wanted to go to their houses than have friends over.

My private school for k-8 was $3,500 in the early 80's, that same school is now 40k. That is some crazy tuition inflation...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went to private school but lived in a rundown dump of a house. Could never have friends over, spent all our time at other peoples houses. I would have preferred a comfortable family home.

I disliked private school for the same reasons. We didn't have anywhere near as much money as friend's classmates and it was obvious. We didn't go on vacations. I didn't have super awesome clothes. I didn't get a car when I turned 16. My parents didnt have nice cars. We didn't have a very nice house. I still remember a classmate talking about playing tennis w/Dan Quayle's son...that was so far from my reality that it really stuck out. In high school, so much of your identity is being developed socially, I would have preferred an opportunity to blend in a bit more w/others who were like me.

Then you are still a sheep

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We went to private school but lived in a rundown dump of a house. Could never have friends over, spent all our time at other peoples houses. I would have preferred a comfortable family home.

I disliked private school for the same reasons. We didn't have anywhere near as much money as friend's classmates and it was obvious. We didn't go on vacations. I didn't have super awesome clothes. I didn't get a car when I turned 16. My parents didnt have nice cars. We didn't have a very nice house. I still remember a classmate talking about playing tennis w/Dan Quayle's son...that was so far from my reality that it really stuck out. In high school, so much of your identity is being developed socially, I would have preferred an opportunity to blend in a bit more w/others who were like me.

Then you are still a sheep

oh shut up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm noticing many of my friends who send their kids to public school went to private school themselves. And vice versa.

We are currently scrimping and saving to send our 2 kids to private middle and high school. Our income is good (HHI of $320,000), but it still means a small house that needs updating, old cars, clothes from Old Navy, modest vacations, etc. We spend $8000 per month on tuition. After saving for retirement and college (both of which are in good shape), we don't have much left over.

We think it's worth it because we really like the school our kids attend. However, I'm curious if they will think it was worth it. (Most of their friends in our neighborhood attend public school in our Bethesda neighborhood. Our kids do a decent job in school, but are not academic super stars who would excel in public school, and therefore are the types of kids who benefit most from private school, in our opinion.)

TIA! I'm really only seeking advice from people who went to private school themselves as kids, not from people who wish to criticize our decision to spend money on tuition for middle and high school.

What a colossal waste! We make a bit more than you and were at Bullis the other day for a game and looked up the price and asked ourselves who the HELL is paying for that? In my wildest dreams i would not have thought someone making LESS than us. If you are pissing money away 8k/mo invested over 10 years would mean nearly a million dollars over that time excluding interest, so probably more like 1.5M. You could use that money to send your kids around the world for 2 solid years after high school for teavel. And they would get far more out of it. They could hit every continent ans explore it fully. I bet your vacations now are to ocean city or the poconos.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband and I went to private from k-12. We are in our 40's and send our kids to private. I went to Ivy League college and husband went to a top private college. Can't give away more than that for fear of identifying myself. Overall, both my husband and I are beyond grateful to our parents for our private K-12 education. We both credit who we are and what we are to our private education. However, we don't care whether the kids appreciate it or not. I This is a decision we are making as their parents for a variety of reasons. As previous posters have commented, ensure that that college and retirement is funded otherwise there will be guaranteed resentment later on if you can't pay for Stanford or your own needs when you get old. Do not listen to those projecting their insecurities on you due to their lack of being jealous or insecure of wealthy people when they went to private school. Public schools in many areas of the DMV are either crap or over crowded so many parents are in the same boat of wanting the best for their kids and scrimping to do it. Plenty of people with HHI of 500 and less are sending kids to private. Our private costs 30k a year and there are literally only 2 families that are mega wealthy in our kids class. Everyone else is in the same boat, old navy, clipping coupons, and local beach vacations.

I wonder about this mythical private school where everyone clips coupons and wears old navy. The people I know whose kids are in private school do none of those things but many of them aren't stretching.

The coupon clippers are the wannabes. We live in a walthy neighborhood with excellent public schools that my children attend . Though half of our community attends private, one even boards at Madeira. These people dont clip coupons. Its skiing in Utah or Whisp in winter, New England in summer. Most all of them even have second homes.

The wannabes just want status that thay don't have and never will have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are saving enough each month for private college as well OP! That is one thing your kids won't thank you for later on, if you are prioritizing paying for private high school over private college (I can't tell from your OP if this is the case or not). In high school, they will be taught to aim high at the top universities and SLACs and it will come as a nasty shock to them if you expect them to settle for UVA or take out loans when theoretically you could have been saving all this time for them to attend their dream school. They will be surrounded by kids who wont' have to settle or choose and they will become bitter and resentful that they do. You are in essence teaching them to have champagne tastes on a beer budget by sending them to schools you can't really afford.

I am still paying back my student loans in my mid thirties and I wish my parents had prioritized the other way around. Private college first, followed by money for grad school (I went to law school), then private high school if there was any money left over, then k-8 if they really felt the need. But honestly, for most bright, motivated students, public school is "good enough." Yeah, if you have a lot of extra m one lying around, private k-12 is a "nice to have" luxury. But it's not a necessity, especially if you can't afford it.

Oh, please, UVA is hardly settling. The comments on DCUM are ridiculous.

It is if you've lived all your life in VA. Kids want to go away to someplace new and exciting for college. You sound like you don't know any teenagers. They are not known for practicality or financial prudence. All they will hear at private school, where they will be surrounded by families with more money then sense is, "Best friend A is going to Williams! OMG! Best friend B is going to Stanford! OMG! Kid C is going to U Chicago! OMG! That fucking loser is going to NYU! OMG. The Valedictorian is going to Harvard! OMG.". And your kid will be going to UVA Big whoop.

Right. UVA is a good school but to many teenagers growing up in state, it does feel like settling in the sense of not going anywhere exciting. The OP asked if his/her kids will be grateful that she scrimped and saved all their lives to put them through private k-12. And if they have to go public/take out student loans for college and grad school because of that, the answer is, probably not.

You people are raising future LOSERS. I bet your kid couldn't even make the cut for UVA. You'll probably have to buy her way into American with all the other entitled leftovers.

My kids wont be going to school for it to be exciting, they will be going for an education. Your attitude is for failures. #howtoraiseafailure #seePPforinstructions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You people are raising future LOSERS. I bet your kid couldn't even make the cut for UVA. You'll probably have to buy her way into American with all the other entitled leftovers.

My kids wont be going to school for it to be exciting, they will be going for an education. Your attitude is for failures. #howtoraiseafailure #seePPforinstructions

For someone so interested in rules, you have no manners.

[Anonymous]

NP here - I did not read through the pages of responses. I went to private schools my entire life, and I think it was absolutely worth it. I loved my schools, and I feel very grateful to my parents that they sent me. All that being said, my kids are going to public school, at least for elementary. Private school right now is exponentially more expensive than it was when we were kids, and it infuriates me. If it were just a little bit more affordable, I would send my kids. I have ongoing guilt about not doing so.

[Anonymous]

DH and his brother went to private even though there were excellent public schools in Bethesda. I think they went because their Mom was very status conscious. DH is happy with his experience their, but it didn't help him overall in life. He went to a small mediocre private college. And now is a Mid-level in the government. And his brother did get a scholarship to a well known private collage. But in his 20's decided to become an artist and now is an executive assistant to pay the bills. So for them, going to a private school did nothing for them.

Meanwhile, their parents made really bad financial decisions to keep them in private school. And now their father lives off only Social Security and lives in our basement. He has ZERO retirement and drives a 17yo car. Financially, it was one of the worst decisions they made and the repercussions have lasted decades.

OP, only send them to private school if there is some added benefit over the good public school for your child, today. Do not send them there if you have some grand expectations that this will launch them into Ivy League schools and high powered jobs later on, you will be disappointed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: You people are raising future LOSERS. I bet your kid couldn't even make the cut for UVA. You'll probably have to buy her way into American with all the other entitled leftovers.

My kids wont be going to school for it to be exciting, they will be going for an education. Your attitude is for failures. #howtoraiseafailure #seePPforinstructions

For someone so interested in rules, you have no manners.

Are you nee here?

I'm not concerned with manners when it comes to what i expect out of my children in terms of getting an education. They won't be going to school in North Carolina or California because it is "exciting".

Sine we are not morons, we dont pay for private school on a 300k budget, so we use that money for exciting vacations, Ocean City doesn't count.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope you are saving enough each month for private college as well OP! That is one thing your kids won't thank you for later on, if you are prioritizing paying for private high school over private college (I can't tell from your OP if this is the case or not). In high school, they will be taught to aim high at the top universities and SLACs and it will come as a nasty shock to them if you expect them to settle for UVA or take out loans when theoretically you could have been saving all this time for them to attend their dream school. They will be surrounded by kids who wont' have to settle or choose and they will become bitter and resentful that they do. You are in essence teaching them to have champagne tastes on a beer budget by sending them to schools you can't really afford.

I am still paying back my student loans in my mid thirties and I wish my parents had prioritized the other way around. Private college first, followed by money for grad school (I went to law school), then private high school if there was any money left over, then k-8 if they really felt the need. But honestly, for most bright, motivated students, public school is "good enough." Yeah, if you have a lot of extra m one lying around, private k-12 is a "nice to have" luxury. But it's not a necessity, especially if you can't afford it.

Oh, please, UVA is hardly settling. The comments on DCUM are ridiculous.

It is if you've lived all your life in VA. Kids want to go away to someplace new and exciting for college. You sound like you don't know any teenagers. They are not known for practicality or financial prudence. All they will hear at private school, where they will be surrounded by families with more money then sense is, "Best friend A is going to Williams! OMG! Best friend B is going to Stanford! OMG! Kid C is going to U Chicago! OMG! That fucking loser is going to NYU! OMG. The Valedictorian is going to Harvard! OMG.". And your kid will be going to UVA Big whoop.

Right. UVA is a good school but to many teenagers growing up in state, it does feel like settling in the sense of not going anywhere exciting. The OP asked if his/her kids will be grateful that she scrimped and saved all their lives to put them through private k-12. And if they have to go public/take out student loans for college and grad school because of that, the answer is, probably not.

You people are raising future LOSERS. I bet your kid couldn't even make the cut for UVA. You'll probably have to buy her way into American with all the other entitled leftovers.

My kids wont be going to school for it to be exciting, they will be going for an education. Your attitude is for failures. #howtoraiseafailure #seePPforinstructions

NP. You don't read do you PP. The PPs you quoted were talking about top twenty schools, all higher ranked than UVA, all more expensive than UVA, all with much better national reputations than UVA, AND in more exciting places to be like Boston, NYC, Chicago, etc. No one turns down Harvard or the University of Chicago for UVA unless they don't have the money. The entire point of poster after poster in this thread is that at private school, your child will be surrounded by people who don't have to consult finances before making big decisions because they have SO much more money than the OP (hhi 320k), that they could literally burn some in the backyard and still be better off.

[Anonymous]

^ Exactly PP. Just say the OP's daughter has her hopes set on a school like Williams or Swarthmore. The OP is not going to have $400k to throw at her in ten years for college. They'll tell her that she has to go to UVA. What kid, who has been going to private school their entire life and told by every teacher to set high expectations, is going to be happy about that? Then to compound things, most of her friends are going to be in a position where the only deterrent of going to their dream school is their own ability to get in. Your setting your kids up for disappointment.